I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

I would have put the £ in the family pot to spend on a meal or something, leaving me more of my own money to spend on the kids when out and about. A 4 year old has no idea of the value of £50

Ok that’s a bit more difficult then. Awkward - I guess in future if all holidaying together again making sure that kids have the same amount of spending money (ie matching the lower amount) is probably a good idea to keep the peace.

Yes it’s so blatantly obvious that you want to upset your sister and you’re doing it by upsetting her children, your nieces and nephews. It’s so so cruel and you need to give your head a wobble.

You and your sister should have come to an agreement to split the gift between all the children equally if you didnt need it.
I can see why the others feel it's unfair tbh.

The children should get the same amount each. This is very unfair

YANBU but I feel really sorry for your Mum. She did a lovely thing, I hope she isn't aware of the bitterness now brewing because of it.

Your mum should have given her grandkids equal money. How it has been split up is unfair, but her asking you to take money off your kids is also wrong.

If you both decided to give it to your children I would have shared it out equally, because it wouldn't have occurred to me to give my 4 and 8 yo £50, knowing my nieces/nephews would be getting a lot less.

Yes, your mum kindly gave it to each family but once you both said you were giving it to the kids, it would have seemed the fair and kind thing to do would have been to share.

I am the sibling with more kids (i have 4 kids, my brothers have two each). If your mum wasls giving the money specifically for the children, then yes, she should have given them all the same amount.

However as she gave the money to each family unit, your sister is being unreasonable. If my psrents gave each of our family units money, then as a larger family, we accept that it is going to be spread more thinly. Our choice to have more children!

So an equal split would have been fair.

We didn't talk about what wer were going to do with the money until after. By that point my kids already had their £50

This was very silly of you. I've said above that all three adults are to blame but if you just gave your children (inc a 4yo!) £50 without thinking about how that would play out or discussing plans, you're probably the most in the wrong.

Holidays with other families with children need a bit of thought and discussion to make sure people are on a similar page and avoid upset- this should happen in advance and away from the children. Someone above gave the example of not buying your child an ice cream when another child isn't allowed one, and that's the spirit you need. Just digging your heels in and insisting on your right to do what you want probably isn't a recipe for an enjoyable holiday.

I wonder if this is a reverse and the OP is the sister with the five kids. I hope so at least. Thankful none of my aunts or uncles would have done something like this to me as a kid and would have ensured that everyone had equal money in a situation like this.

I’m surprised that people are saying not to give money to kids. They need to learn. And £50 won’t exactly go far, when you think an ice cream is £5, and inflatable is £20 etc and it’s lasting all holiday.

I give my four year old and two year old money. Even the two year old can count out four £1 coins for an ice cream.

If I was your sister, I’d just say to the kids you’re very lucky to be given £20, and that would be the end of it. Certainly wouldn't expect my sister to take money away from her kids because mine were whinging

Exactly. The money wasn't for the kids. It was for me and my sister. We individually (without talking about this) decided to give the kids the money.

Everybody's right and wrong in this situation 🤷🏻‍♀️ your mum could have split the money equally between the GC if it was for holiday money. You and DSis chose to give the money directly to your DC. Did you know DSis was doing the same and that both families had received £100 each? I feel like you could have foreseen that the kids would be unhappy about the money difference and done it a bit more quietly, £20 to each of your DC and £30 in the savings or something.

It does teach them that life is unfair sometimes which isn't a bad thing, and your DSis is being unreasonable asking you to take their money away and sulking. I wouldn't have given kids that young £50 each though, that's just me! Maybe I'm stingy but I'd have thought £5-10 max and the rest goes in their ISA

My kids are teenagers and I wouldn’t just give them £50 each like that, let alone when they were 8 and 4!

The children were not actually given ANY money by their grandmother.
The money was given to their mothers... who then split the money between their kids.
Siblings decision to have 5 kids mean they got less per child.
Tough. Thats life.

I’m sorry, but I do think you’ve handled this badly.

Its all very well people saying your sister chose to have 5 kids, but it won’t feel like that to the kids and surely there being resentments and jealousies amongst the kids is not want anyone wants.

Personally, I think you should have either used the £200 as an icecream/ snacks kitty for everyone or paid for a special excursion for everyone to enjoy.

Is there any way to suggest that to the kids now? Ask them to pool their money together to pay for something exciting that wouldn’t have happened otherwise?

Both of you decided to give it to your children. Your sister has to handle this on her own because she decided to give the money to hers too. And no, she shouldn't ask you to take some away.

But I do have to ask, a 4 year old with £50?! Perhaps it would've been better had you all had a meal together using your mums dosh and give whatever you both could afford to the children out of holiday spends.

If I gave my 5 year old £50 to spend on holiday, we'd be coming home with a life-sized plush capybara.

The adults stuffed up.

if you say that you are holding the money for the four year old, how did he already have the money? He won’t know the concept of £50. And did you just hand over notes to your 8 year old?

Your mum should have split it equally amongst the 7 grandchildren. £210 giving everyone £30 each. You can see how the grandkids can see that if 2 of them got £50 and the other 5 got £20 it isn't fair to them. If I was one of her grandchildren that got £20 when my 4 year old cousin got £50 both from Grandma then I'd be understandably upset.

Yeah, holidays are very expensive. My kids are learning fast that everything is expensive 😅. £50 goes quickly on holiday.