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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

1000 replies

dramaticlifestyle · 24/07/2026 10:44

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:02

WhisperingHi · 24/07/2026 21:48

But that’s a completely different scenario, can’t you see that?

You were joining them on Christmas Day. It would have been a big compromise for them to open the gifts on another day or not receive them, that would have been unreasonable. Although personally I’d still try not to rub it in poorer families faces.

We’re not talking about Christmas here. We’re talking about a holiday and some random unexpected and unneeded holiday money. The kids weren’t expecting or needing it at all. The OP has decided, purposefully, to give her children more than double what the sister can give each of her children.

This could easily have been avoided. Not because OP is obliged to make things fair for the children, but because she loves her nieces and nephews and doesn’t want them to feel bad.

It really was as simple as that. OP doesn’t care about her families feelings, only that of her own kids, that’s what this comes down to. Unnecessarily upsetting children on holiday.

No, I dont see it any differently. I understand people have different opinions. This is simply mine.
My point is, not everything can be fair and what separate families decide to do with their own money is nobody else's business.

Children need to learn this and deal with it.

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:05

The OP has decided, purposefully, to give her children more than double what the sister can give each of her children.

Yes it was a choice. She chose what to do with her own money.

I also went on holidays with cousins.. the one that springs to mind was a holiday park in Wales in early 90s. They rented big chalets , we rented a small caravan. They had much more money at the amusements than we did, we moaned and complained at our parents. Again, we were told " tough, thats life, this is what we have".

smallgreenandsplitthreeways · 24/07/2026 22:08

WhisperingHi · 24/07/2026 21:15

No imbalance between the grown adult women.

A significant imbalance between the young children who didn’t ask to have lots of siblings or to have to watch as their cousins have more than double them to spend.

These are CHILDREN, who as far as they’re concerned are now comparibly poor compared to their cousins. Who have more than they could need on holiday.

OP has spared zero thoughts for her nieces and nephews. She lacks the emotional intelligence (as many do on this thread) to empathise with how the children will feel having such an imbalance to other children on the holiday.

Fairness is very important for children. It was so unnecessary of OP to give her children £50 each, knowing the others would have had less than half of that each. She could have held the rest back, or retained it for whole family treats but no, she chose to make things unfair amongst the children. Poor decision.

But op didn’t know her sister was going to do the same and split the £100 between her kids. It was only after the event, by which time op had already told her children they would have £50 spending. Op didn’t wave crisp £10 notes in front of her nieces and nephews and go “look, my kids are considerably richer than you”.!

QueenietheGreat · 24/07/2026 22:08

@dramaticlifestyle
Your mum did a lovely thing but didn't forsee how things would pan out
I'm with you on this, you divided the money between the kids you have as did she
What next?
If she'd asked and you complied this could've lead to her always expecting her children to somehow in every family instance to be favoured over yours and
The fact that she's reacted the way she has tells me that if the shoe had been on the other foot
You could've asked till you were blue in the face
Jealous and petty all at once

Maomaotheapothecary · 24/07/2026 22:10

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:02

No, I dont see it any differently. I understand people have different opinions. This is simply mine.
My point is, not everything can be fair and what separate families decide to do with their own money is nobody else's business.

Children need to learn this and deal with it.

I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunity in their day to day lives to learn that life isn’t fair and there will be less to go around because there are 5 of them. There’s no real need for their aunt to impart that lesson on a family holiday.

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:12

Maomaotheapothecary · 24/07/2026 22:10

I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunity in their day to day lives to learn that life isn’t fair and there will be less to go around because there are 5 of them. There’s no real need for their aunt to impart that lesson on a family holiday.

Shes not imparting anything. She chose how to spend her money, as did her sister.

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:13

There's also an opportunity for the sister to explain to her kids that people make different choices and we should not try to control their free will.

Maomaotheapothecary · 24/07/2026 22:16

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:12

Shes not imparting anything. She chose how to spend her money, as did her sister.

She’s not existing in a vacuum, she’s on a family holiday with all the children spending time together. Her behaviour affects the rest of the group. Any reasonable person would want to be considerate of, and caring towards, their nieces and nephews

SparklyLeader · 24/07/2026 22:17

I strongly disagree with enriching one family who has more children over another family who has fewer children. You did the right thing. There are economics attached to decisions about how many children. This was a foreseeable outcome. Now she gets to live with those decisions. She's being selfish to assume everyone else has to step up to support her children.

takealettermsjones · 24/07/2026 22:21

wrongthinker · 24/07/2026 21:53

You don't stop parenting because you're on holiday! Yes you buy your kid an ice cream, but you don't just give them loads of money and let them do wtf they want with it.

Has everyone lost their minds? Since when do we give 4 year olds massive amounts of money and autonomy?

I hate to state the bleeding obvious but this becomes far less of an issue the more money you have. If it's your last £50 on this earth then yeah of course you're not going to give it to a four year old. But if it's chump change to you then why the hell wouldn't you? People make these decisions all the time, on different scales. This thread is a trip perfect example of how your SES affects your worldview. If we all assume that OP has loadsamoney and is holidaying in Monaco then £50 might suddenly seem like peanuts.

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 22:21

MandemChickenShop · 24/07/2026 19:33

give your sister 50 and she can give them a 10er each, then that's about fair. not worth spoiling a holiday over a trivial amount of money that's been gifted to you anyways.

Edited

So OP's kids get £25 each and their cousins get £30 each?!

Dameputtingonabraveface · 24/07/2026 22:22

For all those who saying it is unfair, even though it ultimately was a parental decision nothing to do with the grand parents, are you also 'those types' of people who calculate how much is spent on each family over Christmas and birthday's etc and how family meals are split? It is so bloody joyless and curmudgeonly. Within my extended family there are people with 4 or 5 children who obviously cost me more than my 1 child ever received in presents etc. At times when I have been quite impoverished, making sure they all get a present and know they are loved and valued has been a bit of a strain. However, there has never been a time where I have felt petty enough to compare how much one family is getting compared to another. It is all so transactional and not based on individual circumstances and human kindness

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:23

Maomaotheapothecary · 24/07/2026 22:16

She’s not existing in a vacuum, she’s on a family holiday with all the children spending time together. Her behaviour affects the rest of the group. Any reasonable person would want to be considerate of, and caring towards, their nieces and nephews

I'm happy to disagree. What her nieces and nephews get from their own parents is not her responsibility.

Tiramisutiramigiu · 24/07/2026 22:24

Who the hell gives a four year old £50 to spend on holiday? Or am I just old?

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 22:25

pouletvous · 24/07/2026 19:44

My 8 year old is only just beginning to understand the value of money

i wouldn’t give £50 to a pre schooler. That’s just irresponsible

unless they have a bank account you can deposit in

OP effectively did put it in a 'bank account' for him - with her being his 'bank' and releasing the money to him when he asked to 'withdraw' it; except I'm sure she would have guided him towards wiser decisions and not just instantly handed it over if he'd wanted to blow it on something crazy.

wrongthinker · 24/07/2026 22:25

takealettermsjones · 24/07/2026 22:21

I hate to state the bleeding obvious but this becomes far less of an issue the more money you have. If it's your last £50 on this earth then yeah of course you're not going to give it to a four year old. But if it's chump change to you then why the hell wouldn't you? People make these decisions all the time, on different scales. This thread is a trip perfect example of how your SES affects your worldview. If we all assume that OP has loadsamoney and is holidaying in Monaco then £50 might suddenly seem like peanuts.

Why wouldn't you? Because it is terrible parenting, that's why! It shows a complete lack of understanding of the developmental stage your child is in and what they require from you at this stage of their lives in order to feel safe, secure, and confident.

It's not about some people being better off than others. It's about some parents thinking that they can just throw money at their children as a substitute for actually parenting them, i.e. teaching and protecting them.

Maomaotheapothecary · 24/07/2026 22:28

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:23

I'm happy to disagree. What her nieces and nephews get from their own parents is not her responsibility.

True, although choosing to do something you know may result in them feeling bad is her choice. I personally wouldn’t choose that, but yes we can agree to disagree.

Shatenoeuf · 24/07/2026 22:30

axolotlfloof · 24/07/2026 21:03

£50 is 2 months pocket money for my 17 year old. He works for anything else.
I wouldn't give a teenager £50 let alone a preschooler. Children need to understand the value of money.
I also wouldn't let a 4 year old eat multiple ice creams a day, mind.

£50 doesnt buy that much these days.

In parts of cornwall one icecream cone with a fudge stick can be the best part of a fiver.

In the context of a childs holiday spending money for a weeks holiday it might buy:
4 icecreams at tourist area prices £16
A couple of packs of sweets/sticks of rock etc £4
3 postcards plus stamps £5
A souvenir like a cuddly seal or the like £10
A tourist t shirt eg fat willys type thing £15

That said, i wouldnt really have given a four year old that/told them how much they had. Its not like they can add up what they are spending or work out the change.

aLFIESMA · 24/07/2026 22:31

I think it would have been kind to check in with a sister (who had 5 little ones!) before handing over £50 spends. It would be easy to assume it was a deliberate one upmanship otherwise.
I think one of the thrilling things for children is planning how to spend their (same) pocket/holiday money, discussing it together & being excited at the choices, shame they didn't have this fun together at the resort instead.

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:35

Maomaotheapothecary · 24/07/2026 22:28

True, although choosing to do something you know may result in them feeling bad is her choice. I personally wouldn’t choose that, but yes we can agree to disagree.

She didn't know that. She made a decision with money she was given. As did her sister. Sister didn't "check" with op first, she also did what she wanted, then moaned after hearing her sister did the same thing. Ridiculous 🤣

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 22:35

wrongthinker · 24/07/2026 22:25

Why wouldn't you? Because it is terrible parenting, that's why! It shows a complete lack of understanding of the developmental stage your child is in and what they require from you at this stage of their lives in order to feel safe, secure, and confident.

It's not about some people being better off than others. It's about some parents thinking that they can just throw money at their children as a substitute for actually parenting them, i.e. teaching and protecting them.

But it was spending money for treats. Why wouldn't he have felt safe, secure and confident - she wasn't charging him for his board and meals and threatening to evict him or let him go hungry if he ran out of fun money.

Children also vary considerably. I'm sure people will call me a liar - as people on MN usually do when somebody else isn't exactly the same as them - but my DS was crazy about numbers and very good at basic maths from a very young age. At 4, he would have been fully able to look at the prices of things and understand how much would be left from a total if you used some of it to buy something at a certain price.

Shatenoeuf · 24/07/2026 22:35

My 8 year old is only just beginning to understand the value of money

They do money in school in year 1 & 2 so age 5/6/7, kids should understand this. My DC who is turning 7 knows how to work out what sweets she can get with a pound or two, she'd be saying "that's 50p & that's £1.20, so £1.70 altogether, i'll have 30p left.

Shatenoeuf · 24/07/2026 22:36

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 24/07/2026 22:35

But it was spending money for treats. Why wouldn't he have felt safe, secure and confident - she wasn't charging him for his board and meals and threatening to evict him or let him go hungry if he ran out of fun money.

Children also vary considerably. I'm sure people will call me a liar - as people on MN usually do when somebody else isn't exactly the same as them - but my DS was crazy about numbers and very good at basic maths from a very young age. At 4, he would have been fully able to look at the prices of things and understand how much would be left from a total if you used some of it to buy something at a certain price.

I say this with a son who's extremely good at maths - to do that at 4 is exceptional & rare. At 6, much more common.

EndlessWeeding · 24/07/2026 22:38

I think it was rude to take your mother's gift and give £50 each to two small children to waste as you 'didn't need it'. It sounds like £200 is a lot to your mother and I'm sure she would have liked to see you use it for lunches out or something.

Now you have to keep track of it for them and your mother has to see her money be spent on holiday tat.

Notimeforaname · 24/07/2026 22:40

EndlessWeeding · 24/07/2026 22:38

I think it was rude to take your mother's gift and give £50 each to two small children to waste as you 'didn't need it'. It sounds like £200 is a lot to your mother and I'm sure she would have liked to see you use it for lunches out or something.

Now you have to keep track of it for them and your mother has to see her money be spent on holiday tat.

Its not her money. She gave it to op and specifically said do what you like with it. So it became ops money and she did what she wanted.

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