To expect 15 year old DD to share a room with the family on holiday?

[NotTonightDeidre]

It's actually is DH being unreasonable. He thinks DD (15) should be happy to share a room with us all (me, him, DD2).

She doesn't want to share a room with us (she will share with me & sister, not her dad).

I can see where she's coming from but DH doesn't see her p.o.v.

My daughter is 10
my sons are 7 and 14
I wouldn’t expect her to share with the boys or her dad

I think he's being unreasonable. She's 15, not 5. She has hit puberty, feels self-conscious and needs some privacy.

What's her actual objection? Everyone can change in the bathroom for privacy. Is there some other reason she can't share?

Yes DH is being unreasonable. The poll is a bit confusing because you’re not being unreasonable. I voted YABU, because that’s the best sense I could make of your post.

I don't really understand it to be honest - I'm in my 40s and shared a room with my dad on a recent trip.

But if that's how she feels, it's how she feels. She may need to accept a less nice holiday though if you can't afford separate rooms

DD is very nearly 15 & will share a studio apartment with us (me & DH) this summer. She changes clothes in the bathroom or DH will sit on the balcony with the curtains closed while she gets ready.

She only has brothers, and has grown up very happily sharing a bedroom with one of them on holidays. It doesn’t mean they need to undress in front of each other.

(Neither DS is coming with us this year - both are in their 20s).

We share a family room (two
late teen girls) for the odd night so on a city break etc. For anything more than that so for a weeks holiday it now feels inappropriate

It's not ideal but it is what it is - we've used family rooms at Travelodge and Premier Inn for all that time and ours have never complained. That said, we don't really have an issue with nudity.

Of course families share rooms at all sorts of ages unless there is some big reason why not (does your husband like to walk around you bedroom naked and she doesn't want to see it??). She can get changed in the bathroom. If she doesn't like it is she going to pay for the cost of a second room?

If she is really, really against it you need to find out why. Is she just being a bit dramatic or is there anything to suggest your husband has actually tried to look at her when she is changing, come into her room and made her feel uncomfortable at night etc.

Can't she share with her sister? Not sure I would have been happy about being in the same room as my Dad at 15, even with Mum and sister there. Is she worried about having to get changed etc in front of him. I remember having to sleep on a mattress on the floor in my parents room ( just for one night) and being really embarrassed that they might have sex while I was in the room if they thought I was asleep, they didn't and wouldn't have, but my 15 year old mind was working overtime and it is an age where you realise that your parents might have a sex life which is horrifying!

Normal layout for family rooms on holiday is parents in double, kids in pull out double, or vice versa, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. My Daughter would still share a room with us if she was on her own, and she's 18.

However, if your DD does, can you fund another room? It's usually much more expensive and would be the difference between having or not having a holiday for a lot of people.

I can see it both ways. My own dd15 is ok sharing a room with me dh and younger ds. This year we have a few days at a nice hostel so it will be cramped but she can go and hang in the common areas and we’ll let her have that freedom. Plus a few days in a holiday house where I actually managed to get it so she has her own room.

For the first time recently we decided typically we will share me and dd in one room, dh and ds in another room. It can be expensive! But aside from the hostel - which is communal living at its best - we won’t share one room again.

I’d find this a bit worrying… why is she so worried to be around her dad? She’ll only be sleeping and they can change in the bathroom

We all got our own rooms once the kids were 12/13 no one shared. DH and I haven’t shared a room in twenty years. We are all autistic and need our own private space. We often get adjoining suites so we can have living areas to share but our own private bedrooms. This means fewer holidays but we find none of us sleep or enjoy a holiday where we have to share a bedroom with anyone.

For financial reasons many families have to share if there’s going to be a trip away from home.
Girls in one bed, boys in another.
Privacy is easy enough to sort with bathrooms and balconies.

DS and DD share a room on holiday if they come with us, and they are in their 20s now. we def shared family rooms back in the day although it’s easier to get an Airbnb type place.

I don't think she should be forced to share (whether it's reasonable or not).

So you/she need to decide whether this means you have to go on an alternative holiday where room sharing is not required or whether she can't come at all.

personally I would look at the alternative holiday. It's not a holiday if one person is unhappy about sleeping arrangements. And I do think teens need their own space and not 4 of you in a room (which is not my idea of a holiday).

fine to share if the room is big enough for 4

How long are you going away for? Where are you going? As some places offer free child places. Have you priced up a holiday where you you book 1A and 1C then dad does the same? How much more would it cost for an extra room?

I think it's fine

My dd(17) will be sharing a room with ds(20) on holiday next month. They actually get on really well and for dressing/getting changed one just goes into the bathroom. They have a great time together.

On holiday now. 15 year old son is in with us. He’s perfectly happy. My sister and I always shared with our mum and dad too, even in inside cabins on cruise ships, was never a problem.

Unless only a small difference in price then we all share. Me dh, teen dd and tween ds. We arent in the room much and change in the bathroom.

It feels pretty normal to share. My nephew just shared on a cruise ship cabin when he was 16, no problems.
I've seen plenty people going in one hotel room with teenagers, never thought of it as an issue.

Does she want a room on her own or what is she proposing the set up is? We always had a family room when I was growing up and it never bothered me but if she is uncomfortable I can see it is difficult to force her to share. That said I don’t think I’d be willing to pay for 2 rooms unnecessarily