Rude text? Or a valid ‘joke’

[Melmel2]

My boyfriend stayed over last night, I was clear with him I had a very early WFH meeting and would need him to be gone by 9. He was, but text me mid morning to say ‘bit gutted I had to leave, I was expecting cornflakes and a quick wank’

I told him I was clear I started work at 9 and needed the flat clear so no interruptions.

He replied saying ‘haha obviously joking, it’s a famous film line’. I’ve never heard of it and he hasn’t replied to tell me which one it’s from.

Would anyone else find that rude?

I mean, it is kind of funny. And once he'd told me it was a movie reference, I'd have looked it up.

Ok, Hyacinth.

Is he back to being like a red setter bounding after a tennis ball?

You should end things, you are not well suited.

you need someone who won’t make jokes like this, he needs someone who has a silly side.

If something gives you ick then it gives you the ick. Joke or not.

I would have found it funny, but I did know the quote.

I would have just laughed this off even without the reference being pointed out. You clearly don’t match eachothers banter vibe.

As you said BF not partner, I am assuming it is quite early days OP?

I think it is a bit foul if I am honest! Clearly my wooden toilet brush - or whatever pp said it was - is lodged firmly up my bottom! 😳I don't mind toilet humour but to me that level of intimacy via text comes years into a relationship.

Google is your friend. It was a joke, what’s the problem? I can only imagine you’re not a fan of humour.

How are you already sleeping with a guy but didn’t know your senses of humour were incompatible?

P.S 9am meeting is not usually considered very early. I’m guessing you live in bedsit/HMO type accommodation which doesn’t allow for meeting privacy, hence the need for him to leave?

I think you will both be able to find someone more suited. A matching sense of humour and being on the same wavelength is massively important. You sound quite uptight and he is too crude for you.

Is it intimacy through text though?

it was a quote from a film, not an actual request for a handjob next time.

But they've just spent the night together. Surely that's several rungs up on the intimacy ladder?

Maybe find a man who’s just as uptight as you are, OP. honestly, lighten up.

Yes, I can see that.

But there is somehow a difference when articulating things in crude language.

And also, I think, a difference between saying things in person and seeing them in print.

Oh dear god, you sound like a bundle of laughs. NOT!

Yes, I guess I might have felt differently if I knew the quote.

I tend not to like crude language full stop. It makes my skin crawl on here when people put FFS!! So it is no doubt a me thing...

Quote or not, it's crude. My DP and I quote telly and films to each other all the time, but I can't imagine either of us saying something like that.

Yes that's kind of how I feel. It does sound crude.

Maybe you're just not that compatible, if this has bothered you but he thinks its funny. He clearly thinks its funny, he's right it's a film quote but whether you think it's funny or ok to say is subjective, you clearly don't, he clearly does. It's up to you whether it bothers you. The fact you don't like it to the extent you've written a post, suggests there's something else about him that's annoying you perhaps, and you're looking for things. It probably wouldn't bother me in someone I really liked, had a good time with, treated me kindly and respectfully, otherwise had a similar sense of humour to etc etc, it would bother me if I'd already got vibes of being used for food and sexual favours.

I guess, but I have to say, by the time I was mature enough to be having 9am meetings, I wasn't sleeping with anyone whose sense of humour I didn't already understand.

Lighten up, it was obviously a joke. I saw it as a joke even before you mentioned the film thing (no idea it was a quote from a film).

If he can't have a joke with you, then let him go be with someone with whom he can joke with.

Not rude

but it seems your humour is incompatible so not a keeper ( for you ) someone else will find it amusing

Yes.

I don't think my DH would text that to me.

I mean I wouldn't get offended in the context of many years of marriage, but it isn't really the sweet spot for our shared humour, so I can see why OP might have thought ick.

Yes, it's an important life skill