Rude text? Or a valid ‘joke’

[Melmel2]

My boyfriend stayed over last night, I was clear with him I had a very early WFH meeting and would need him to be gone by 9. He was, but text me mid morning to say ‘bit gutted I had to leave, I was expecting cornflakes and a quick wank’

I told him I was clear I started work at 9 and needed the flat clear so no interruptions.

He replied saying ‘haha obviously joking, it’s a famous film line’. I’ve never heard of it and he hasn’t replied to tell me which one it’s from.

Would anyone else find that rude?

Yep..agree ..they just don't agree on whats a "famous film"

Oh come on!

Today I said the following to my husband when he was sending a message to a colleague at work:

’Ere you, what are you messaging a girl for? Don’t think I don’t know what those numbers are, that’s a sex menu, (insert numbers here), I know what that is code for…a big ol’ dicking!’

Does this sound vile written down? Yes!
Would I ever talk like that in ‘real life’? Obviously not!
Would anyone I know think I was rude and sleazy? Nope!

But because I said it with a ridiculous accent, and pulled a funny face when I said it, he cracked and burst out laughing.

We don’t usually make rude jokes or swear with each other, and we are both completely sensible and well respected people…but we also know exactly how to catch each other out with a silly comment because we get each other.

To the people who are poo pooing this humour, it doesn’t have to be yours, that’s why it wasn’t your husband who said it. But let’s be serious, it’s not the crime everyone is making out…they’re just working out whether they’re compatible, and I think in this case maybe they’re not. But saying something that sounds gross does not make a person gross, it is just about what would be funny in the moment. He has missed the mark, but it isn’t the poor reflection on him that you all seem to act like it is.

See, I get not being impressed by the crass joke, but I don't understand at all about this attitude.

How is it pick me to use the toilet in front of each other? Do you think the same for women whose OHs support them through childbirth? Or after surgery? I can't imagine feeling vulnerable and in pain and then be embarrassed or uncomfortable to have my DH present and seeing it all on top of that. It's natural to be comfortable with the person you share your life with.

I love a filthy joke but he sounds like he was being entitled then covered up as a joke. He thought because be was staying over he expected breakfast and some morning action without respecting that you had needed to be ready and focused at 9am for your meeting. Ick hate it when men give those vibes of pressure /guilt over sex

You don’t have to find it funny.

The fact that it didn’t amuse you, however, doesn’t mean it was offensive, cruel or harmful, or that it was meant literally.

Not if a regular comment to someone - but as a film quote I completely get it. Glad you like your comedy club?

It's the kind of joke shared between mates, who have shared interest in actor, film , whatever

Not really something I can imagine saying to a woman you are intimate with, you respect, see as something more than a sex object

Does that make me a dour, prissy, humerlous fun sponge?

I couldn't care

He showed no respect

OP doesn't have to find it amusing or acceptable

It would have given me the instant, irreversible ick!

Just matching OPs tone........🤷‍♀️

🙄🙄

I just looked the film came out in 2004 is an 18 cert so you'd probably have to be 40 to have seen it at the cinema ...unless this 'famous' film had a revival 🤭😂

I guess it would just be incompatible sense of humour. Would leave me cold and love a good laugh

Funny how 'banter' often has a sexual element though

That's if you don't see the whinging demand in it

You do come across a quite hyacinth bucket stuff with rhe crass, uncouth, pick me crap,

it was a joke, google is your friend, it’s quicker to use than starting a thread fi ask mumsnet, and very early morning meetings are not 9am starts.

seriously I’ve never seen two people who seems quite as mismatched and incompatible as you are presenting. Him making lame jokes and you with the sniffing salts muttering about uncouth behaviour.

Oh give over, how on earth can it be a demand when he left an hour or so previously 😂

Jaws came out 51 years ago. It’s still a famous film.

granted, football factory is a smaller, UK made film but it’s still fairly well known. I’ve not even watched it and I’ve heard of it.

why are you attempting to argue any point that your can?! Does it really matter how famous the film was? The quote could have come from the Shawshank Redemption - if she finds it offensive even after being told that’s it’s a quote then the rest is a moot point.

Eww so you were joking sexually at one of his colleagues expense? Its ok because she'll never know?

Or where you talking about him dicking another man?

Yikes ...yep sense of humour vary wildly ..was it funny because it plays on female insecurities? Or another reason?

Its that OP was expected to get it, but most people would need explanation and context...so that's not really a joke is it..it's labour for a film quote or just weird

Eww 😷 just because it’s a line in a film doesn’t mean it’s okay to send it to you! I’d be disgusted with that! 🤢 Just depends on your personality really. I don’t like that kind of humour but someone else might! Personally think it’s gross.

I suppose the bigger question is more, how do you find his sense of humour in general ?

Sometimes if you have a relationship in which there is a lot of humour then one side or the other is going to get it wrong. You have to deal with the consequences of that - it's the price for sometimes saying something funny. Humour is often funny because it's near the knuckle, and that means it's pretty easy to go over the line. To me it would be no biggy.

OTOH if your dynamic is normally both of you sitting their po faced over your cornflakes and you'd have to check your diary to see when either of you last made a joke then it probably is inappropriate (at least for your relationship) and maybe you might consider finding someone with a similar sense of humor (or lack of one) rather than sticking with this person.

In my opinion anyway.

He should have simply said, “ there’s a line from a film about this” , & left it at that. He obviously has little taste, quoting something said by Mr. Dyer…

People tend to be multi faceted in my experience, not just making one quote dictates their whole personality

Really?
I don't see her calling someone 'the easily offended type' because they question a wank reference.
Or telling anyone they might have 'a lifetime of misery and an expensive divorce'.
Or that they have a 'sense of humour bypass'.

Maybe you and this man would get on.

No, just that if they find this funny they must use the loo in front of their partners and be pick me girls

Is pick me girls the new way to hurl abuse at women instead of cool wives?

Yeah, mainly used by teens I think.