Was told a few weeks ago I have Crohn's but on holiday my husband just did this AIBU

[Corfudreaming]

He brought back a huge haul of pastries- not only do our daughters 17 and 13 need to watch their weight (and he is about 4 stone overweight too) I cannot eat gluten.
It's not just a few treats - it two bags of donuts, pies, bread and custard donut things.
there are a couple of oat biscuits but I think they've got wheat in them. I have just really found out I have Crohn's disease and it is making me feel quite low that I can't enjoy the foods I used to. I have been trying to avoid wheat and some dairy products for awhile now because I noticed they were causing issues with my stomach. I've been really careful about my diet over the last few years and I was hoping to enjoy the old donut on holiday but obviously I can't. Am I being unreasonable to be angry at this?

Crohns and Coeliac disease are both autoimmune and crohns is more common in people with coeliac disease than the general population

I fortunately only have the coeliac bit, my sister has both crohns and coeliac

The gastroenterologist showed me the scan I gave pictures of it; 'terminal ileum- ulcers and Ileitis

But yes, dietary resrictions for people with Crohns are very variable, and sometine need to be found out through trial and error. Some people I know do have problems with gluten; some with dairy products; I have problems with either, but cannot eat an extremely high-fibre diet (salad is fine; nuts and oats aren't) or anything very spicy. So it's not one-size-fits-all..

Interesting, did you also have an endoscopy too then?

A colonoscopy - a very very uncomfortable one.

The terminal ileum is where the small & large bowel meet, & for most Crohn’s patients this is where their inflammation begins - a flare point if you like. A gastroscopy looks at the stomach & top of the small intestine, colonoscopy up as far as the terminal ileum, & nowadays a lot of people are having a PIL cam - a caplet shaped device that you swallow & it captures imagery of it all. And you can go home! Much better IMO & I’ve had all of them, multiple times.
@Corfudreaming sorry that you’ve had to make the dietary changes - it is literal shit!

ETA - all of the above, bar the PIL cam, was explained to me by my Gastro consultant when first diagnosed.

You can have Crohn's and irritable bowel syndrome or Coeliacs at the same time.

Crohn's and Coeliacs can be diagnosed by tests, but IBS can't be and that's why certain diets/ process of seeing what works happens and why you exclude everything else that can be diagnosed first.

I think you need to remember that it is new for him, too. He’s still learning about your new food needs and how that affects the rest of the family. It’s the holidays and he wanted to treat everyone. I wouldn’t get angry, but I would talk to him later about how he could be more supportive in future.

'I have problems with either but' should be 'I have problems with neither but'

If you want to be tested for coeliac disease you need to start eating gluten, they cannot test for it if you have eliminated / reduced gluten in your diet. Also if I was on holiday with my family I would not be telling them what they can and cannot eat , although maybe they’re used to it . . It does sound a bit like misery wants company .

YABU in that if you can’t eat something it doesn’t mean they should eat it.
YANBU if they are all overweight and shouldn’t be eating it all either.

Why? She’s being realistic … and hasn’t said anything to them. Why be blind to something that needs addressing whoever you are in the world.

But it was mild you said, right? Which is normally a sign of infection instead , or even taking too many of certain meds, like nurofen, so not always crohns, I’m surprised he diagnosed you, not disputing it. Just that’s unusual in mild cases, normally you need to see a gp once biopsy results in. And fodmop diet is to rule out things like ibs.

Well yes of course it's good to have a more relaxed approach to eating on holiday and eat a few treat foods.

That's totally different from.stuffing oneself with masses of unhealthy rubbish food, putting on a lot of weight over the holiday and coming home feeling miserable and unhealthy because of it .

Surely, if you had a endoscopy/colonoscopy they would have taken samples to check for coeliac or did you have colonoscopy only?

I find it’s more common, if put under, for both to be done, but less common for those not put under.

@Brightlittlecanary the Endoscopist will have taken biopsies to confirm diagnosis, & if you have a Google of Crohn’s Disease images, you will see how it looks - it’s very specific. I’m sure @Corfudreaming will also have sadly experienced many of the other distressing symptoms of Crohn’s Disease which will have helped build a more complete picture. The diagnosis isn’t made lightly - it’s life changing, for OP & her family.

whya are people so quick to criticise him? Maybe he has an underlying issue - there are lots of deficiencies that cause cravings of foods sweet being included. He could suffer regular low blood sugars and feel he needs it but not be sure why. He may already be highly aware he is overweight and eating out of stress or comfort. I agree he could’ve been more considerate of your needs and those of you daughters if he’s aware you’re worried but honestly an open and truthful conversation might be needed here. You can get help to hold such conversations if you need it

It was 3 bags, she didn’t say which size, for 3 people. No one said to be eaten in one sitting,

id guarantee some folks writing this shite are sitting there fat and eating crisps as they do it, 😂

edit 2 bags!

I’m coeliac and also allergic to dairy.
My diet as a result is really restricted, but my family eat normally as I expect them to.

As a side note, it’s not good to restrict food groups without a medical reason to - dairy especially as this can lead to development of a lactose intolerance. I know this because my uber supportive husband decided we were going to eat the same in support of me (unwanted support, I have to add!!) and cut out all dairy. He had to introduce it back on a milk ladder like a toddler. So you need to leave their eating alone, and just focus on your own.

strikes me as a bit of performative pass-ag by the DH.

I'm not surprised to read that OP is unhappy on other fronts in this relationship.
If he was a DH who cared about his DW he would, perhaps, have been more thoughtful before bringing home bags of doughnuts, pastries and pies.

What do you mean why?

Her daughters are TEENAGERS FFS! Referring to them as needing “watch their weight” for wanting to eat a pastry on holiday is fucking awful and so so damaging.

I hope to God the OP doesn’t tell them that to their faces or makes them feel guilty for eating treats.

Apparently Solicitors are inundated with divorce clients after the summer holidays. People don't want another Christmas together

This is what OP said:

a huge haul of pastries

It's not just a few treats - it two bags of donuts, pies, bread and custard donut things.

That sounds a damn sight more than a bag of crisps.

And you calling out MN users as
sitting there fat and eating crisps as they do it is pretty offensive.

They're never comfortable, I had sedation and gas and air for my last one, anything I could get my hands on 🤣

Often recommended with Crohn’s. It was to me.