Was told a few weeks ago I have Crohn's but on holiday my husband just did this AIBU

[Corfudreaming]

He brought back a huge haul of pastries- not only do our daughters 17 and 13 need to watch their weight (and he is about 4 stone overweight too) I cannot eat gluten.
It's not just a few treats - it two bags of donuts, pies, bread and custard donut things.
there are a couple of oat biscuits but I think they've got wheat in them. I have just really found out I have Crohn's disease and it is making me feel quite low that I can't enjoy the foods I used to. I have been trying to avoid wheat and some dairy products for awhile now because I noticed they were causing issues with my stomach. I've been really careful about my diet over the last few years and I was hoping to enjoy the old donut on holiday but obviously I can't. Am I being unreasonable to be angry at this?

@Corfudreaming
Educate yourself from proper medical sources. I'm in Canada. My mum has Crohn's and had a small bowel re-section 5 years ago, but it looks like Crohn's is re-appearing farther down the colon now. It is an insidious autoimmune disease. Treatment and management must be done on several fronts. Listen to your body and monitor your symproms (use a notebook).

crohnsandcolitis.ca

Crohn's is not caused by food allergies. Strictures or flares might reduce the bowels ability to transit food through your digestive system and be painful but it's not going to cause a flare. But you can have Crohn's and allergies, Crohn's and gluten issues, or ibd and ibs. These are totally different and there is different solutions for each diagnosis

Find a way to reduce stress. My Chrons was caused by stress and flares if I get stress, even though it is in remission.
Best thing you could do. Also do confirm Coeliac. Whole different treatment needed

She already says she hasn’t, but advising them on healthy eating and exercise to maintain a healthy weight is not damaging … how are they meant to learn?!?

Yeah holiday is not the place.

I'd be concerned if I'd just been diagnosed with a chronic bowel condition, and DH was either so oblivious to my health, or so intent on fattening me (and our daughters) up for his own purposes, that he put a pile of tempting food in front of us.

That would be the last thing a caring partner and father with half a brain would do.

You've every right to feel upset and angry OP. Sounds like writing it down has helped you realise there's more to this than DH overdoing the custard donuts on holiday.

On top of which you're living with a lot of residual stress from your previous job. Hardly surprising that you have a chronic bowel condition, whatever it turns out to be. Things need to change. I wish you well in changing them 💐

It's early days for you with your diagnosis, it's early days for your DH as well. Hoping he can adjust his thinking as you have to do and include your dietary needs in his foraging for snacks etc.

Btw, my Dad had Crohn's and my understanding is that different people with Crohn's will have different foods that trigger a flare up. If GF helps you then GF it is.

Yeah it can make symptoms worse in some people

I think you've already recognised the anger at the pastries is part of a bigger picture and that it is a tad unreasonable to expect others to avoid foods because you have to. I hope you continue to find what works for your crohns and can recommend another charity with lots of good advice - Guts UK.

You could maybe start a separate thread about your feelings on your husband so it doesn't get confused here.

She hasn’t said anything to them on holiday … and is it even necessary to scoff down bags of donuts even if you are on holiday?!?

If you want to. It’s nobody else’s business!

Haven't read the full thread because after 3 pages of people being horrible to you, OP, it was just too depressing. Fuck me. Crohns is awful. Having to be gluten free is shite. Haven't to watch your greedy husband stuff down sweet treats that you love while you can't have them is HORRIBLE. Sympathy to you.

If on holiday I want more than a few treats. Lots of ice cream, interesting food that isn't necessarily healthy but tastes wonderful, sumptuous desserts. I'll lose the weight later and will not feel bad because I have put some weight on enjoying food. Food is not just fuel it is a culture and a pleasure in itself. Salad is mostly boring (if it's not it's fattening).

What you describe -Lots of ice cream, interesting food that isn't necessarily healthy but tastes wonderful, sumptuous desserts.- is a far cry from what OP's H turned up with.

I'm totally with you on trying new and interesting food, lovely deserts and ice cream. That's making the most of holiday experiences. And a far cry from the bags of donuts , pies and pastries and other stuff that OP's H turned up with.

What you describe -Lots of ice cream, interesting food that isn't necessarily healthy but tastes wonderful, sumptuous desserts.- is a far cry from what OP's H turned up with.

But so what?! He can if he wants to. He's a grown man. I wouldn't care if he turned up with a dozen pizzas. Who is the OP to dictate what he can and can't eat. If it was the other way around we'd be calling him abusive.

It hurts nobody but himself and clearly OP who feels bitter and twisted about it. If she's got a lifelong health problem she needs to find a way to deal with that because people are going to eat what they want around her and so they should!

You can’t dictate what they eat. I don’t eat any carbs but I would never ban them from the house.

I would simply take him to one side and ask him to moderate how much of this stuff he brings back during the holidays as it is really reinforcing you just how differently you are going to have to eat. You can also mention that the girls are getting weight conscious and want to trim down a little before going back to school so it would be helpful to balance the puddings when eating out with a healthier breakfast in the holiday accommodation. You want everyone to enjoy themselves and not be watching their weight but there's a happy balance.

True. OP's DH seems to be a bit of a twerp.

It’s their mothers business

Oh give over. She’s not not eating that crap as she’s health concious or worried about them. She wants to eat it and was going to if it hadn’t been for her medical issues. Pretending this is she’s all worried about their diet is laughable.

Yeah you are. It sucks you can’t eat this stuff but that’s no one’s fault. Your daughters are on holiday. If their weight and the hubbies are becoming a concern then maybe address it at home. If you’re in charge of the groceries you can buy all the healthy stuff and change diets then.

You shouldn’t eat gluten when you have crohns either

They’re on holiday! Surely there’s a time and place to have this discussion. The teenagers I assume don’t dictate what’s bought in the weekly shop at home. If as a parent she’s that concerned she can take all this crap out of their shopping at home and have only healthy snacks at home. They didn’t become nearly overweight in the few days they’ve been on holiday. So why start that now they are

If you say so … don’t assume everyone is the same as you!

It's none of her bloody business what her husband is eating.