Was told a few weeks ago I have Crohn's but on holiday my husband just did this AIBU

[Corfudreaming]

He brought back a huge haul of pastries- not only do our daughters 17 and 13 need to watch their weight (and he is about 4 stone overweight too) I cannot eat gluten.
It's not just a few treats - it two bags of donuts, pies, bread and custard donut things.
there are a couple of oat biscuits but I think they've got wheat in them. I have just really found out I have Crohn's disease and it is making me feel quite low that I can't enjoy the foods I used to. I have been trying to avoid wheat and some dairy products for awhile now because I noticed they were causing issues with my stomach. I've been really careful about my diet over the last few years and I was hoping to enjoy the old donut on holiday but obviously I can't. Am I being unreasonable to be angry at this?

If this is relationship related you both need to talk- your kids don’t need their family arguing over something that isn’t such a big deal but obviously has affected you, and on holiday

Fodmap isn't really a diet as such, it's a diagnostic tool to help you pinpoint your specific food sensitivities - you radically restrict what you eat for a certain pperiod,.then one by one start adding food groups back in and observe your body's reaction to them. It's a really bad idea to try to maintain fodmap longterm as it's too restrictive and can easily lead to malnutrition.

The fodmap isn’t good for Crohn’s my husband has it and his dietician told him it’s one of the worse my things you can do

If I know I can't eat something because it makes me sick then I don't eat it. I wouldn't care if others around me wanted to eat them though. Just because something is there doesn't mean you're compelled to put it in your mouth.

But it's not about Crohn's or donuts is it?

So, DH is a 'bit of a feeder' but you also buy your DDs sweets and snacks. Eating them as pudding not snacks doesn't change the calories in them. Nobody 'needs' pudding.

That said, they're on holidays, talking about going to the gym when they get home, sounds like pretty normal holiday behaviour for a lot of people.

Also, sounds like you're just annoyed with DH in general. Surely you don't expect everyone in the family to never eat those things again, just because you can't?

For a while, it looked like one of my (then) teens was going to be coeliac. I found the gluten free aisle in the shops, found a place that did gluten free sausage rolls (I personally don't like sausage rolls, but the teen loved them). In other words, we made accommodations where we could, but it didn't mean the rest of us gave up everything.

I think you need to reflect on what it is that you're really annoyed at and why.

Fair enough if that is a known trigger for you. But just to be aware there is no specific connection between Crohns and wheat or dairy. My friend has had this for years and the two things she can guarantee to be OK on are white toast and macaroni cheese. Thinking about it, if it’s white food she’s pretty much Ok on it.

Just to add, if you're doing an elimination diet, I hope you're doing this with the guidance of a dietician. Many people do this alone, but because of the speed different foods digest at, end up eliminating the wrong foods or drawing incorrect conclusions. A dietician's guidance while you sort this out will be worth it.

Once you know exactly what you're avoiding, ChatGPT is great for meal planning and/or finding safe alternatives you can eat that might work for the whole family too.

Your kindness has made me cry a bit! I think it's all been a bit too much - to have been told this just before I went on holiday.

I’ve had a pancreas disease for 15yrs plus and so do understand having to avoid certain foods / treats but I wouldn’t stop my DC having treats. It sucks, but it’s life.

What’s next?
”My husband just ordered sticky toffee pudding as dessert and he KNOWS I can’t eat dessert! Should I leave the bastard?”

God forbid anyone should relax on holiday and pig out a bit.

Also thinking you were deadly assassin or high level jewel thief., or maybe a pirate?
how are you functioning now on one salary?

OP, I have coeliac disease so do get it. It's not that you begrudge your family some nice treats. It's the insensitivity of it at a time when you're adjusting to a life-changing diagnosis - it really messes with your head at the beginning - so having someone shoving all the things you'd love to eat in their gob in front of you, making 'mmmmm' noises (I'm projecting) is mean.

I'm pretty hardened to it now but it does make me sad from time to time, so be kind to yourself - and maybe tell your DH to lay off the pastries in front of you, at least for the time being.

It's crappy, I know - sympathy - but it does get easier over time.

Crohn’s isn’t the same as Coeliac, are you sure you have the correct diagnosis? Coeliac is managed by a gluten free diet, Crohn's is an autoimmune disorder.
l have Crohn’s diagnosed in my 20s.

Seems a bit joyless tbh. Your family can’t eat some junk food on holiday?

I feel like it’s more an unhappy marriage and OP’s idea of support is “mums been feeling a bit poorly so lets support her a bit with the changes she’s making”. Yup OP’s family can eat what they want but it feels more like you are looking for some sign of care and sympathy and you aren’t getting it.

I think if Dh had just been diagnosed I would have expected him to be fine with Dc eating whatever but I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to buy bags of stuff I know he couldn’t eat, seems a bit insensitive.

My son has had crohns for around 16 years. Though some food can be a trigger when he is flaring, when he isn't he can eat anything and doesn't restrict anything in his diet. Crohns is very different to Coeliac, though both are an auto immune disease.
Rather than restricting foods, you need to get support from your IBD team to find out where you go next and also look up crohns and colitis UK, which is a big help with understanding what you are going through

@Corfudreaming it sounds like your husband is insensitive overall and this latest diagnosis has just confirmed that?

Not an assassin in the traditional sense but yes I was in a profession that is known for doing hit jobs. It had changed so much that I'm retraining as a teacher now. It was a real head f* and think I have some ptsd from doing it so long.
too much for me to deal with when given the diagnosis on top of stuff!

There are lots of things I can’t eat because it makes my autoimmune diseases worse but I don’t stop any of my family eating them. My issues are my issues, not theirs.

If your DD’s are healthy weights and very sporty, a few pastries on holiday isn’t bad for them.

Just FYI but the fodmap isn't a permanent diet! Just to see what triggers my upset stomach. So far I think onions and garlic have been one of the main triggers! Wholemeal and seeded bread - I think too! Certain cheese - soft and processed cheese set me off too. I seem to be okay with Stilton and Roquefort

Ah an “auditor” @Corfudreaming 😉 so you’re planning on upping the stress level to teacher?…😬

You’ve got two seperate issues, you’re not happy in your marriage already, which is issue one and then he thoughtlessly brought in pastries without thinking of picking up something for you.
Im glad avoiding some foods is helping you feel better, my Mum has crohns, an autoimmune disease and is managed with medication rather than diet (although there are some things she does steer clear from, skins on fruit etc). It’s interesting you’ve been given that diagnosis, I would probably try and get a second opinion.
I suffer with IBS, and I know there are certain things I can’t eat, my family still eat them and I don’t get annoyed so I’m not sure your DH did anything wrong bringing the pastries, he should have thought to pick you up something that you could eat though if he’s fully aware of what you can/cant have.
I wouldn’t grab breakfast for everyone and then leave out one person knowing they couldn’t/wouldn’t be able to eat it.

Yes it’s a blood test for coeliac disease but you need to have eaten gluten at least once a day for 6 weeks preceding the test otherwise you could get a false negative result.

I think you're being unreasonable. I find it very hard to believe that you've just figured you're unhappy in your marriage. Surely every time he pisses you off or you row you realise you aren't happy with him.

I wouldn't expect my dietary restrictions to affect anyone else in my family.

If you're annoyed with him for gaining the weight he lost and over eating that's justified but talk to him about it. The smoking would be a deal breaker for me, I wouldn't tolerate that.

If you love him and care about him talk to him about changing, if you don't split up or get into couples counselling.

I understand this is new for you and all consuming, but your family is on holiday, they can have these things on holiday, it’s absolutely fine. I understand you’re jealous as you can’t but that shouldn’t involved lashing out and banning foods you can’t have.

and your kids are a healthy weight. Don’t make your issues theirs. Or your husbands and start to restrict them on holiday.

it’s clear you’re miserable to be missing out. To the extent you’re not being nice about your own family. If you’re not happy in your marriage deal with it. Holiday is jot the time. But if you’re just saying that with no intention to end it. Then that’s a bit shit of you. Try not to ruin everyone’s holiday as you can’t have treats,

also are you sure you don’t also have ibs? As inions and garlic is a key issue for that.