Holidays with grandparents

[gettingold55555]

No judgement either way but just wondering what everyone’s set ups are with holidays. I can tell my mum is put out that we don’t always holiday with her but we can only really afford one holiday and prefer to go alone.
do you holiday with grandparents and if so do they pay? Any friends I have that holiday with their parents/grandparents to kids it’s because their parents pay? Just wondering if that’s the norm as my mum wouldn’t pay for anything for us which is fine but just wondering if im being unreasonable by wanting to just do my only holiday with my husband and kids?

I don’t know anyone who regularly holidays with grandparents
We’ve done it as a one off
where has the expectation come from your mum that she will holiday with you 🤔

Me and my little boy always holiday with my parents, but yes, they do pay, for accommodation, travel, food, activities etc. I couldnt afford to take him away on my own at the moment. My mum is terminally unwell so we're going on loads of holidays to make memories, but I've always gone away with them, even before having my child and they've always paid, even when I was in a better financial position. They are amazing.

It’s sort of comments about her friends that are on holiday with the grandkids etc and how lovely it is. Can just tell that’s the vibe from the comments !

I want once with ils. I think they paid.
Never agreed to do it again.
It wasn't a free holiday it was an endurance exercise..

A lot of people I know only holiday with parents/in laws, usually because they pay and help with the kids, but it doesn’t appeal to me at all!

@BinNightTonightthats lovely and similar to lots of my friends ❤️

My kids are 18 and 15. We’ve never been on holiday with grandparents!

Just really wondering if I’m being selfish etc by not wanting to pay for my only holiday and go with my mum. She would pay for herself of course but we also did a haven not long ago and it didn’t seem like she enjoyed it but we go away next week and I can see there’s an atmosphere about it…

@gettingold55555if the parents weren’t paying do you think your friends would still holiday with them?

Reassuring replies so far ❤️

Yes that’s my thoughts but it’s hard to get across to my mum that it’s because they pay without tell her she would have to pay for us!!! @SinicalMe

Perfectly reasonable to want to holiday by yourselves. However I have been on holiday with my parents and we all paid for ourselves, wouldn't expect them to pay as I'm an adult now!

@DustyBinsyes totally get that perspective xxx

I wouldn’t be guilt tripped into doing it, you don’t need a reason and it doesn’t matter what others do. You would be splitting time between you, partner, kids and that’s work especially as your mom would be on her own.

We’ve done seperate (weekend, cheap Haven caravan) holidays with all 4 sets of grandparents and will now repeat with the 2 sets that it worked well with (both grandmothers funnily enough).

We all paid for our own caravan (and absolutely didn’t share). MIL paid for a few meals out and came prepared with money for our LO to spend in the shop and arcade.
My mum doesn’t have a lot of money so we all paid for our own stuff then she bought ice creams at the beach.

It worked for us as LO enjoyed it and it was nice having an extra pair of hands. My mum took LO for a walk so me and DH could have a little break too which was nice.

I wouldn’t use my one and only holiday going with them and both me and DH agreed that the 3 day weekend was probably our limit (pretty sure MIL and DM would agree too).

That sounds similar to the haven we did @FlowersInPots my mum didn’t seem
to enjoy it and spent a lot of time in her caravan x

We holiday with grandparents if they’re paying - they get to choose the destination and we follow their schedule and do what they want to do (within reason). If we’re paying then we do our own thing to our own liking (which wouldn’t suit grandparents).

I will add we have lots of kids so it was probably a bit much for her! But I still get the comments..

I did holiday with my parents when DS was young (single parent) and it was lovely! They're awesome though, not overbearing and really laid back but also super helpful and they paid. Now I have a younger DC as well with new DP and he doesn't want to holiday with parents so we don't any more - it's reasonable that DP doesn't want to but is a shame as well. My parents took DS skiing this year as he's now a bit older so I'm happy that he can get an extra holiday in and they all had an amazing time!

I think definitely don't go on holiday with your mum if you don't want to. Maybe you could just do the odd long weekend away or something with her rather than a main holiday if you wanted a compromise (or a test to see how it goes!). ETA sorry I missed that you've already done that!

Did you used to holiday with grandparents when you were young? Is she expecting you to replicate that?

I never had holidays that included the grandparents when I was a kid. I think it depends on the kinds of holidays people like to, my maternal Granny didn't like being out in hot sunshine, my mum wouldn't be up for holidaying with me either because she really hates the sun these days. When I was a kid, my parents went ion sunbathing holidays to Menorca etc but my paternal grandparents were sight seers and explorers and like travelling around some of firner Yugoslavia and went to places like Innsbruck and Tunis. I've taken after them as my partner and I are explorers that like to go to all sorts of countries. I think not everybody would have that working dynamic of being into the same holidays and it depends how well you get on with each other.

When I was a kid we went away with my dad’s mum after her husband died but she paid half and was genuinely helpful to my mum.

my mum had a great relationship with her.

when I had my kids we went away occasionally with my parents - maybe three times in ten years, but this was more them joining us at a U.K. place for the weekend if we were there for the week.

pil insisted on a weekend get together of the whole extended family every year which technically was a holiday but felt like a mix of I’m a celebrity get me out of here and big brother. It was an endurance event. Everyone paid their share.

i fucking loathed it (csn you tell?) and one of the upsides of divorce is that I never have to go again.

I love holidays with PiL! We do our holidays together every few years - eg rent a little holiday home and a car in Tenerife or the Algarve and we pay our own share of costs including self catering

PIL usually go for two weeks and we join them for one week.

That way we can still afford another week eg a break at Easter.

@OhLaDiDaDiDathat sounds a good compromise. Would you do that if you couldn’t afford another holiday at all?

@gettingold55555Both FIL and my dad were similar. They didn’t enjoy it so we’re not doing it again with them.

Can you outright ask her what the issue is?

My mum will say ‘oh I would have come with you’ whenever we tell her we’ve booked something so I try and include her in some things she’d like but can also say ‘but you weren’t invited/this is just for DH, LO and me’ and she accepts it.
Here I think she just wanted to be included some times.