Holidays with grandparents

[gettingold55555]

No judgement either way but just wondering what everyone’s set ups are with holidays. I can tell my mum is put out that we don’t always holiday with her but we can only really afford one holiday and prefer to go alone.
do you holiday with grandparents and if so do they pay? Any friends I have that holiday with their parents/grandparents to kids it’s because their parents pay? Just wondering if that’s the norm as my mum wouldn’t pay for anything for us which is fine but just wondering if im being unreasonable by wanting to just do my only holiday with my husband and kids?

We go away every year with my daughter. Son in law and grandgirlie. So far it’s been in the U.K. twice to Centre Parcs. Next time is to Norfolk. We treat them and as far as I’m aware (!) everyone has a good time. Possibly the trick is to do some things together and have some time doing our own thing during the hokiday. Anyway, it seems to work well. We are a close family anyway so maybe that’s what makes the difference. I feel very lucky that they want to come with us.

I holiday with my mum alone, my mother in law alone, and my husband and his mum or my mum and my mum and dad. We don't have any particular order or expectations of how often or when it will happen. We're going to Spain with my mum this summer and she's paid for herself and we have paid for ourselves. My parents have also paid for us a few times by booking a big house and inviting us for part of the holiday. If there are a lot of comments, why don't you ask your mum about it? Mum, you seem to be wanting to go on holiday with us but when we went to the caravan, I felt you didn't really enjoy it. Would you like to do some day trips over summer? If she says no I want to come to Spain with you, surely you can ask how she thinks it will be different than the caravan etc? Maybe she'd like a night away with just you? If you generally have a good relationship, perhaps it's just some extra connection she's wanting and not a paid for holiday.

Thanks everyone. We see my mum lots as she lives locally and we go on days out etc. I can see from this post ’m not being overly precious about my holiday and with a busy life and lots of kids I just want a holiday to be a holiday and to switch my phone off and detach!
lovely for those that said they go and love it though that is wonderful, I think our recent haven made me feel like it even more isn’t right for us to share our only holiday which isn’t even an extravagant one btw as it’s all we can afford!

Similar.
When DD was a child we had several holidays with PILs. Not every holiday, we had some for just us, but a fair few from babyhood to when DD was mid,-teens.

They did not pay for us we split finances between us. We all got on well so it was fine and nice for them to spend time with DD as they didn't live close.

We've been once with DH's family but that was for a 65th birthday celebration. I've taken the kids away with my Mum a couple of times but that was a 2nd holiday & done purely because DH doesn't like my Mum-understandable.
Despite my in-laws holidaying with Sil's family numerous times they have turned down every invitation from us, unsure why but am now at a point where I don't care either, other than thinking it must be hurtful to DH.
I'm happy to holiday as just us tbh.

We've taken my mum ever since she was widowed. It's become an expectation that, as she realistically gets nearer the end of her life, gets harder to break. She pays her way but doesn't particularly help with the kids.

However, I do know she appreciates it in her own way and some of her friends remind her how fortunate she is.

Luckily we enjoy similar types of holiday.

My parents lived nearby when DC small and they did regular baby siting and days out. My mum was blind in later life so their holidays became UK breaks as a couple because it was manageable.

We had holidays with my MIL every spring. We paid a share in a UK holiday let. She never asked us for the full amount. I sort of wish she had as she wasn't good with money.

As a child, the equivalent of a GP - my father's eldest sister - took the younger nieces to her caravan in Wales. It always rained, we didn't care and built strong bonds that still remain 50 years later.

We went on my LG first abroad holiday with my parents and they paid for flights and accommodation as our birthday presents and we paid for food drinks etc. out there. The year after we went with friends and they got fomo so this year we went with them again but paid for ourselves. Thing is an all inclusive with kids entertainment and mini disco is easier for us but my parents prefer going to a strip with bars and restaurants. So don't think they'll come next year and we'll stick to a caravan holiday with them later on in the year haha

I’m not sure as it never came to that but am dealing with it now with my own son and it’s really hurtful. All his holidays are spent with his in laws as they’re well off and pay. I just mean it would be nice if they spent some time with us too. I spent the time with my parents and it wasn’t because they we’re paying

The last time I went away with my parents I was 14 😆 they did take my daughter away quite often when she was little.

We do one holiday a year with the IL’s, includes myself,my partner, his mum and stepdad and our children, but honestly it’s dependant on people’s individual situations.
We didn’t go this year as had second child a few months prior but they took our older child (5yo) away to Cyprus for the week we’d usually all go so he didn’t miss out, then we’re all away next year with our second included.
I recognise we’re in a very fortunate position and IL’s are retired and in a position to pay for these holidays (aswell as 4-5 more a year they go on themselves), along with the fact they’re good people that we enjoy the week with, we don’t however have an expectation for them to watch our kids or have child free days/evenings.

on the other side of things we’ve been in the position to take my mum away once before we had a second child, but financially we couldn’t pay for that often and my mum has been a single working parent for 14 years so she isn’t in the position to pay for a full family getaway meaning we don’t really go away with her.

It’s been a big change for me as until I was 22 and went away with them for the first time I hadn’t been abroad since I was 7, with my sons lone trip with his grandparents he’s now been abroad the same amount of times at 5yo that I have at 27 and i couldn’t be happier my kids will have those experiences!

We do it every other year, with my siblings and their families too. We all pay our own share, and then divide up the work (like cooking dinner) while we're there. Because none of us live at all near each other (the closest would be 6/7 hrs drive away) it's a wonderful time to spend time catching up. The cousins love it. Very happy memories. If we were able to see each other more often because we lived nearby perhaps we wouldn't do the holidays.

This is a similar situation as mine. Dd2 goes away with her IL's for a week every year which is paid for or heavily subsidised by them. They are lovely people and dd2 is lucky to have them in her and her dc's life but I would love to go on holiday with them. Unfortunately I can't rub 2 brass coins together so I can't afford it. Dd2 also sees more of them as though they don't live very close they are closer than us and have much better accommodation for guests.

Not sure there's much your dd can do if you can't afford to pay for your own holiday. Or do you mean you would pay for yourself and dd would pay for her family? In that case, it would be nice if she managaged this every few years. But her own financial situation may not allow it.

@nomas I suppose it would be nice if I only paid eg my flight or my accommodation. Dd2 goes on numerous holidays per year and her finances are good. She has asked if I have a passport (I do) so maybe in a few years. It is difficult as I'm still working.

Ah, I see. I think it would be nice of her treat you or include you in some way.

Maybe you could ask her l if you could go on a weekend away with them and tell her your budget.

I’m the same, it’s a bit shit and feels they get better quality time because of money. I’m happy they’re kind and lovely but I can’t help feeling a little rubbish about it

me and my partner can afford ours, just not able to pay for my son, partner and kids like my in laws, they also pay all food drinks as are so wealthy, me and my partner working class although can afford a holiday

It does cause moods when holidays mentioned (my mam). She very hard work. My mil stopped foreign flights some years ago when she was older. So I imagine that would get nasty if we went with his mam. Lol. People dont get it if their parents are easy.

We nearly always holiday with my parents, I'm a single parent of teenagers. I always pay for everyone, though if we are in the UK my mum will do the cooking, sometimes my DBs and SIL come too - I pay for the house and the food shop, parents and DB always offer but I think I'm getting a good deal.

I see it as they're doing me a favour by being extra adults pairs of hands when the DC were small, and company for me now if DC want to loll about in bed half the day, so I pay. Plus they wouldn't have to pay school holiday prices if they went on their own as they're retired and can go anytime. I chose the accommodation and the date of the holiday, so I pay.

But that only works if you are all happy with a week of each others company.

I don't ever invite in-laws but I have invited my own mother, depending on where we go, when and why.

She has done a disneyland paris trip which she paid for 50% and we left my husband at home.

She has also paid 50% for centre parcs trips and will help pay for activities for our son but I didn't ask her to as the price of the log cabin qas rhe same with or without her and I was going either way.

However she won't ever come on trips anywhere else abroad and I'd never invite her.she only comes on small breaks away for a few days and I usually go away more than once so that's why I'm om with it otherwise no, she wouldn't get an invite. Even christmas I don't do family over and or to anyone else. Christmas I prefere in my own home with my son and eating what we want and our own schedule.

I do holiday with my parents 1-2 time a year. They usually pay for the accommodation. We tend to buy at least one meal out. It totally depends on the relationship you have with them and the circumstances. You aren't unreasonable not to want to.

I had a couple with parents where we all paid our own way. But from when my youngest was about 5 my parents took the kids on holiday with them. They liked traditional UK seaside caravan holidays and the kids loved going with them.

We’ve been with both sets of grandparents. When we went with the in-laws they paid, they wanted a big family holiday, they had a specific year/time they wanted to go, we wouldn’t have been able to go if they hadn’t paid (maternity leave)…they paid for everyone (BIL/SIL)…..it was nice but i wouldn’t rush to do it again 🙈. We went with my parents last year…we paid for ourselves and they paid for themselves ….again it was nice but I wouldn’t rush to do it again. Maybe we’ll just stick to weekends away with them in future, I think a ‘proper holiday’ is just a bit much.

I do like us just going on holiday with just us, we can do what we like to do then rather than having to accommodate others or eat with family every night…holidays are generally the only time we get to spend time as a family of 4.

Sorry to hear about your Mum.
But l am glad you've had such a happy life together as a family. And still have time to make a few more everlasting memories together.

Priceless.
😻
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