Holidays with grandparents

[gettingold55555]

No judgement either way but just wondering what everyone’s set ups are with holidays. I can tell my mum is put out that we don’t always holiday with her but we can only really afford one holiday and prefer to go alone.
do you holiday with grandparents and if so do they pay? Any friends I have that holiday with their parents/grandparents to kids it’s because their parents pay? Just wondering if that’s the norm as my mum wouldn’t pay for anything for us which is fine but just wondering if im being unreasonable by wanting to just do my only holiday with my husband and kids?

We used to do it every year when DDs were small. My parents lived in a holiday place so that was one holiday sorted. Then we went away every year with the inlaws. We got on well and gave one another a lot of space, but it was also nice that they would babysit one evening so we could, watch them sometimes by the pool etc. It all depends on the relationships you have.

DDs still want to come away with us for a family holiday as well as going away with their mates.

We try to do 2 holidays with them and pay for one. We try to do a summer Holliday for us and our children and a week just me and my husband. And my parents will look after the kids

We do a camping holiday with my parents once a year. It's lovely, although my Mum can be hard work at times. We all pay for ourselves, I wouldn't expect my parents to pay for me now I'm an adult.

We take my father in law on a trip every year and we pay, and then my mother we will take on a different trip and pay for her too. They are staycation type trips but I know they both enjoy them and appreciate spending time with the grandchildren.

We go away once a year with in-laws, but we stay in different accommodation. The don't pay for anything, we cover all costs.
Although, we did an extra trip this year which they did say they'd pay for. Yet to see any of that money, but we won't be asking for it.

We holiday with our Parents on occasion not every holiday but have been on a a couple with my DW parents and more with my folks. Non of them pay for us. I enjoy it but also like our own holidays too.

If it makes a diference we used to holiday with my parents before we had kids and always enjoyed, it so holidaying with kids was just a continuation of that.

@gettingold55555 Would you think it was ok if your children did the same when they were older if not then I’d keep doing what you’re doing if yes then you should maybe give her a chance. Id be gutted if my kids didn’t reciprocate.

We don’t do whole family holidays but do take the DGC away for a couple of weeks. I expect when DGC reach the teen years they won’t want to go away with their grandparents but at the moment it works for us and their parents enjoy some time alone.

DP is in is mid-30s and before we met a couple of years ago, he would always go on holiday with his parents or his grandparents (who are relatively young, active etc.) with either of them paying for everything for DP. Perfectly normal in that family. On our first few trips together, his grandmother would slip him an envelope with, like, $1000 of cash in it. 😂 Just a very loving and generous family. He’s an only child which definitely helps. We don’t have a kid yet, but if we do we will certainly be keeping up this tradition if we can afford it. I think it’s really lovely.

we do, and my mum often pays for the accomodation (but not always) because she knows we couldn't afford it otherwise. She helps a bit with the kids but they often want to be with me anyway, and I'm conscious they're tedious tiring for her so we tend to peel off and do our own thing quite a bit.

On my partner's side we have a big family holiday in the UK maybe once every two years, because one of his siblings lives overseas so when they make the trip over we have a big extended family with all the siblings and their kids as well as PILs. We get a big house and all chip in for it. Don't think my PILs would have the spare cash to pay for any of their kids.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way but if it doesn't work for you, don't do it. Your mum is probably getting the instagram-perfect side of her friends' lives, just like we all do. How long do you go away for? Could you have her join you for some but not all? Or spend a week/end with her and then head off for another week just your immediate family?

My school driver paid for grand daughter to join them she 17. My mother is difficult. Its a different ball game bringing her away. So we dont. Siblings feel same)

I have never done this and never will.

Once with my parents, when the kids were younger. Parents paid.
Once with in-laws for a special occasion, and they paid.

Never again. It was horrendous. I can handle 2 days with them at most.
My teens definitely don’t want to do it either!
However we are a ND household, myself and both kids, and other people who don’t really get it are massive triggers for us all, so no surprise there.

If you prefer to holiday with just your partner and children then don’t let your mum make you feel guilty.

I personally love big family holidays, but that's because our setup works for everyone. Everyone pays for themselves, and we don't share one big villa, or anything like that. We each book our own accommodation, and not necessarily at the same hotel either. We spend a lot of time together, especially during dinnertime, but we don't do everything together. Some things we do by ourselves, other things we do in smaller groups, and few things - such as dinner - we do together.

I think this works, because you get to spend time with your loved ones, but not to an extent where you become sick of them. Because you actually have time to yourself, too...

This. I really enjoy spending a day with them or even a weekend but more - our tastes and lives are just too different.

We did it twice - once with each DS, so with DS1 when he was 7 and I was pregnant with DS2, and a decade of so later when DS1 was a student and didn’t come. Both times we paid for most of it. It was mostly fine but there were incidents of overstepping and DH had to have words both times. I wouldn’t quite call it endurance but there were moments …

If my DM had lived I would have loved to have gone away with her as she would have tried any food, loved theme park rides etc. PIL are not like that.

BIL never invited them on their holidays.

I know it can work well. My DB and SIL often took her DM, both in the UK and abroad, and they all got on great, but she knew her DGC well whereas my PIL don’t.

OP, I’d just ignore her comments to be honest. Choose guilt over resentment- just accept you might feel a bit guilty but stick to your plans. Don’t invite her and then feel resentful.

As GPs we used to take GCs away without the parents for a few days. Adult GCs love to tell us their memories of these times. Personally I think most GPs are not the ideal companions on families' main holiday as they generally have different ideas on parenting.

I never went on holiday with GP when I was a child and now I’m a parent I can’t think of much that’s less appealing than having parents or PIL on holiday with us. I’d genuinely rather go to work and miss out on a holiday altogether than have to endure that.

I always assume when I see others on holiday with GP that the reason is because that’s the only way they could afford the holiday in the first place. Get a better job and then you can have your holidays of choice without having to compromise.

Grandparent here. Every few years we have suggested (and heavily subsidised) a big family holiday. The trips have been geared towards things the grandchildren would enjoy. Everyone seems to have had a happy time - possibly because we do not insist on 100% togetherness and people can do their own thing. We would never dream of imposing ourselves on any holidays the families wish to take themselves, and indeed have turned down invitations to join them that we don't feel would work well for us. Now the grandchildren are hitting their teens I think such holidays will become far less frequent as their families want to do bigger/more energetic stuff that we are not really up for and don't want to spend our money travelling to (e.g. Disney or hiking up mountains)

We prefer to holiday alone but have gone away with both mine and dp’s parents over the years. They’ve usually paid, we contribute to cost of meals and taxis. It has meant we have visited some lovely places and had a lovely time with them, but there have been some challenges as well. The last couple of years they have taken dc on holiday and we’ve stayed behind which suits everyone. We get some child free time and kids and gp’s get to go on a nice holiday and spend quality time together.

Never been on holiday with either set of my children’s grandparents and absolutely no intention to!

This!

It's easy to forget how different you can be when you aren't on anyone's home turf.

My parents make terrible hosts but good day to day company. My ILs make good hosts but on a day to day basis, we have a very different approach to day trips.

You can like each other just fine without a week in the same villa/campsite/cottage being a good idea.

I am a grandparent and we pay if my children/grandchildren holiday with us.

God no. Fil had a caravan(old style, very) and always wanted us to go but sadly we had too many kids to accommodate. I think there would have been a SOCO tent around it before the weekend was through.

This. We had a holiday with my mum and dad every year with the kids for 20 years as we would never have been able to afford to go otherwise. It was only at a holiday park but we loved it there. We all now have our wonderful memories now they are no longer with us. They were amazing too.