Holidays with grandparents

[gettingold55555]

No judgement either way but just wondering what everyone’s set ups are with holidays. I can tell my mum is put out that we don’t always holiday with her but we can only really afford one holiday and prefer to go alone.
do you holiday with grandparents and if so do they pay? Any friends I have that holiday with their parents/grandparents to kids it’s because their parents pay? Just wondering if that’s the norm as my mum wouldn’t pay for anything for us which is fine but just wondering if im being unreasonable by wanting to just do my only holiday with my husband and kids?

We've gone with my parents for a long weekend out of a week for them, but because they live far away, we usually visit them as a mini break (they live in a tourist spot). They're hard work as they're very inflexible, but think we're being inflexible for our son - but it works both ways!

ILs are paying for a big group holiday next year for their birthdays, and we'll go to them, and see how that goes. They live nearby, so we see them weekly anyway. We did this holiday with them pre-kids, and they were quite enmeshed - they tend to want a full fortnight and all activities together, which doesn't suit us. (MIL actually deliberately locked us out of our holiday accommodation to force us to come and find them when we tried to have a break, and insisted it was always the plan - joke was on her because we were trying for a baby and she desperately wanted a grandchild!)

The best ones are sibling/cousin holidays, where we're all close enough to enjoy company, help with childcare, and give each other space too.

I would be up front and say, 'Mum, we want a family holiday with just us once a year. And we can't afford two holidays. Jane either pays for her family or they are better off than us.'

You're not unreasonable to want to go away alone with your family. Maybe suggest a couple of days out with her as compensation?

Don't go anywhere now, don't have the means, but when had the means, always invited parents and PILs and paid for them. They tried to contribute, but I would not dream of it - they even left envelopes but we returned it to them afterwards. Always felt guilty I and my DH could not adequately repay them for what they did for both of us when we were growing up. Holidays were the least we could do for them.

I only know of 2 families that do family holidays kids, parents, grandparent regularly. My parents have never holidayed with their grandchildren. I do remeber one holiday with my grandma as a child but it was for my mums 50th and it was a 'girls trip'. Internet is the only place where I've seen it branded as 'normal'.

We take my mum on holiday with us every 18 months or so. She pays for her flight and generally lunches out we sort the rest.

It is a bit of a balancing exercise tbh what she may want to do is not what the kids want to do (be in a pool all day). So we compromise a fair bit. She does babysit 2 evenings in a week whilst on holiday though so DH and I can spend some time together.

Would never go on holiday with MIL though as she wouldn't compromise, hates water so wouldn't be swimming with the kids and generally moans about everything.

We have gone to the same place as my parent's and overlapped our holidays for the past few years but we don't go "with them". They don't pay for anything for us, they might take the kids out for a fancy ice cream or something but our holidays are separate, we don't spend the days together, we do the odd meal out together and they babysit the kids 1 evening so we can go out on our own. I'd never go on holiday "with" my parents. If ever we've gone on a weekend away with my in-laws (years ago before kids) they spend every waking moment together, all meals together, spending all day doing the same thing, I couldn't cope with this, I'd never go away with them, even if they paid.

My sister's in-laws will book wherever my sister and her family are going and then gatecrash their entire break, it infuriates my sister so much. Literally every holiday and break they have they appear. I don't think her in-laws get the whole them just wanting to go away as a family without 2 tag alongs, I find it so rude. Her in-law can of course afford other holidays and breaks so they still get their own break to themselves, these are the only holidays my sister and her family get each year. I think keeping quiet is the way forward!

If they want to holiday with us they are free to book and pay for it all.

Otherwise nope no big family holidays apart from maybe tagging on to a weekend camping.

We went away with Grandparents once when my son was small. None of us enjoyed it.

Tell her to put her hand in her pocket then!

We often holidayed with grandparents (my parents) when ours were young. The kids loved having their grandparents there and we have 5 kids so it was useful to have extra adults! We often did caravan holidays, my dad used to save the coupons from the newspaper (was it the Sun?) and we would have 2 or 3 caravans next or near to each other for the week. My uncle and aunt would often come too, it was a proper family holiday. I suppose it just depends on what your relationship with your family is like.

DHs parents lived abroad so we would holiday there every 2 or 3 years, due to expense. The kids enjoyed these holidays too, grandparents had a pool and there was lots to do where they live but it did cost a lot. I didn't always enjoy staying in in-laws home for 3 weeks but it seemed only fair for us to spend time with DH family as we obviously saw a lot more of my family because they lived closer.

My parents would often pay for the cheap caravan holidays but we would treat them to a meal/ buy the food etc when we were there.

My parents pay usually, as they have more money than me. If I had more money I’d pay to bring them to.

I brought my mum with us to our regular holiday destination last year, with DH, teen and 9 year old. I wouldn't do it again and neither would my mum. It's hard enough trying to keep two different aged kids happy but adding another generation into the mix made it impossible. When one age group was hungry or needed a rest the other one wasn't, then vice versa. Everything took longer and DM is used to doing things she wants, when she wants, so we sometimes left her to sit down awhile, but then she complained she'd been left alone.

Once with GPs on each side. Never again.

I only know two people who holiday with grandparents or extended family. One yes because the grandparents did pay - basically they would fly my friend and her four kids out to Florida where they live.
The other friend is single and they pay their own share and holiday with siblings/partners/parents.
My parents used to live in Spain and we used to fly out to visit for a week. So we were at their house so didn’t pay for accommodation but we rented our own car and paid our own way. My DH loved my parents and they him. Never been away with my in laws! Just not the kind to do that sort of thing.

It's so interesting to read this and different expectations etc! We're very close to my parents (DS grandparents) they are abroad and we visit them and have once been on holiday to Italy with them. I wouldn't even dream of expecting them to pay for this- we're adults and can pay our own way! Expecting the GP to pay for a holiday really is the height of entitlement.

We avoid it whenever possible but relent with the ILs every 5 years or so. They pay but the accommodation isn't up to our standards and we spend a lot when we there including on their food. The kids enjoy it but we don't. We don't holiday with my parents after one bad holiday but they understand and don't ask.

We did it once when I was young (Grandparents stayed at next hotel over in Spain) but I don't think it's the norm. If my in-laws or parents want to holiday with DS they take him thenselves and won't accept any money from us!

What happened, if you don't mind me asking? Or did people just get annoyed with each other?

I don't think my parents would actually enjoy the holidays we go on.

We are grandparents now to one, and for years since our DC have been adults we have holidayed once a year with them. But we always pay accommodation, we split food and meals out. This year we went abroad for a week (we don’t always) and both sets of DC with their partners and our GC paid their own flights. We paid for the villa. We split car hire and food and all took turns to cook or have a meal out. I do also always check if they want to holiday with us still though!

We’ve only holidayed with GPs once. My FIL paid for his close and about ten extended family to go on a cruise with him when he sold his very valuable property and moved into a retirement place.

I didn’t enjoy it but it was an ambition of his to organise such a trip and made him very happy so I’m glad we went.

Done a few.

Weekends with ex inlaws (a cottage in a posh seaside town ) they paid for everything.

Done overseas holidays a few times

First , mine were little and the childcare helped . We paid flights - grandparents paid for villa

Second was recently - my 2 older teens and nieces/nephew much younger. Grandparents paid and half board. Nice BUT school holidays so too busy for me, plus meal times were a bit rigid (kids eating early etc)
Did a few excursions separately !
I realised how set in my ways I am I think. Kids and grandparents enjoyed it though (dad has deteriorating health )

Wouldn’t want to do it every year but I have done in the past and would do again.

I don’t think it’s normal to go on holidays with gps as a matter of course. We’ve done it once and it was nice, though.

We do both, holidays alone and holidays with Grandparents.

Being honest, the ones with the Grandparents, they do usually pay, or they pay a bigger amount covering the grandchildren and then we just pay for ourselves ( me and DH )