Holidays with grandparents

[gettingold55555]

No judgement either way but just wondering what everyone’s set ups are with holidays. I can tell my mum is put out that we don’t always holiday with her but we can only really afford one holiday and prefer to go alone.
do you holiday with grandparents and if so do they pay? Any friends I have that holiday with their parents/grandparents to kids it’s because their parents pay? Just wondering if that’s the norm as my mum wouldn’t pay for anything for us which is fine but just wondering if im being unreasonable by wanting to just do my only holiday with my husband and kids?

Have done one holiday with the in laws, never again. Urgh.

We’ve been on a couple of weekends away with my parents and one with my in-laws, we paid for ourselves though. They weren’t our only holidays those years though, I don’t mind doing a weekend away with them as we still have a week somewhere on our own, I wouldn’t be doing it if we had no holiday that year by ourselves.

We are doing a big 2 week holiday abroad next year with all my family (siblings and their families as well) and my parents have offered to pay half for everyone as the place is where they wanted to go and very expensive. But there’s a part of me (and my sister) that’s already dreading it and expecting the same old arguments to show up, it will definitely be the only time we go with them because I know my family can’t spend that much time together without some arguments, I’ve only agreed as my parents kept asking. I know plenty of people who go away for with family every year and seem to love it, I do often think it must be nice to have that sort of family dynamic.

We did long weekends (Friday - Monday) but never a full blown holiday. We are just too different to find a holiday which everyone enjoys.

Like you - annual leave is spare, especially when DD was in primary school and we had to pay for holiday clubs so all leave was carefully allocated.

A couple of times DH did a trip with DD but stayed at the PIL and I did the same with my mum but never a holiday away with them.

Most years we holiday with my parents. 10-14 days.

We all pay our own way.

Took the Pil/Sil on hols 3 or 4 times when the kids were younger (both under 8). We booked and paid for the villa and any hire cars, they booked their flights. Cost of food was largely shared.

Once kids were over 5&8 they used to go to PiL’s every summer for 7 days alone and again for 4-5 days in the easter hols. The kids are very close to the GPs and aunt as a result.

Why would grandparents pay? Surely you'd say no to this? If you're old and financially stable enough to have kids, surely you would pay for yourself?

Coming from the other side, there is no way that I'd holiday with family and younger kids at this stage of my life! I take them out for the day here and there and that's exhausting as it is.

No matter how close you are, everyone has their own way of doing things, and mixing that up in a somewhat close environment for a week or two can often result in "words" 😊

Anyway, I (selfishly ha ha) think families should holiday together with no outsiders in the mix. It's easier to cope with the shenanigans of your own kids, without adding the needs and wants of Granny and Grandad etc. So not for me!

My siblings always holiday with parents because of the child care. I don't think it's to actually holiday together. They just want free childcare.

We like our holidays together. But this year going away with in-laws which I've been guilt tripped into. It won't be a holiday 🤷

We go with my parents once a year. Usually a holiday cottage in this country. They normally pay half for the accommodation (3 beds), they use 1 room and us the other 2.

We dont go just to get a cheaper holiday. Us and the kids genuinely enjoy going with them. They also go on their own as do we.

We have been with my MIL for the weekend and dud invite her abroad for a week but she declined. Again everyone has paid for themselves.

I do think its quite sad to think it sounds like you would only really want to go if it was free.

We've just returned from a week at Center Parcs with 2 Grandparents, Me, DH and 2 children. We paid for everything pretty much 50/50 with Grandparents. We shared a 3 bedroom accommodation.

A couple of years ago we did a week in the Canaries with them, again paid 50/50 but they had their own room.

We original priced out both holidays at 66/33 due to the children but they demanded to pay 50/50 on both. They are always generous but at the same time we don't assume anything and always intend to pay our share.

We get on really well with them, see them twice a week and regularly go on day trips all together. The dynamic doesn't really change on the longer holidays.

I do feel that we're in the minority though 😂

Every few years we go to Orlando with my FIL - he pays for alot of it. Have had a couple of holidays with my mum over the years (she just pays for herself). But in general we tend to do holidays as a family/with friends as a group

I never holidayed with grandparents but don’t recall my gramdprenst having holidays. When my sister had children he used to pay for us to go with the kids to butlins but he didn’t come with us.

We camp every year and the kids and grandkids are all invited and we pay for that.

I haven't been on an extended family hol with my parents since before having children. We did a few days UK break. My mum was quite insistent (there was a big family event one of the days). It was my parents, my grandparents on mums side, me, DH, my sister and her partner. My mum arranged and paid for the accommodation - we wouldn't have had the money and she really wanted it to happen whereas we were more ambivalent. We paid to travel though and covered most of our own meals. It was quite nice though the accommodation for the "young folk" was very cramped (not complaining as it was "free" buta few days was definitely enough). Plus my mum bossed us around every day and decided what we were doing and when. She seemed to think it was "her" holiday because she had paid.

So it was fine but I wasn't inclined to do it again. My parents aren't really keen on holidays in general so didn't suggest it.

MIL tried to get us to join a family reunion type holiday in her home country soon after (part of it was jealousy I think that we'd gone away with my parents). But that would have been two weeks and although she sold it as a treat it soon emerged we'd pay for our own air fares (600 each) and would have to find and fund our own accommodation (she and FIL were staying with family) plus every day was organised and accounted for including some pricey activities. We said no thanks and she sulked for months. Sorry MIL, if I'm paying, I'll have the holiday I want. PIL were very well off by the way.

Sorry that is a lot of waffle but your mum sounds a bit demanding, as well as not putting her hand in her pocket. A no from me!

We’ve had this conversation with both sets and I honestly can’t understand it.

PIL - hate swimming, sitting round a pool, like to go self catering, don’t like mucking in with the kids, don’t like any boundaries with the kids (eg one ice cream not four), like ‘English resorts’, love going out for the evening.

and yet are desperate to come on our all inclusive, morning and afternoon in the pool holiday which I know they will hate and won’t want to spend the sort of money we do on a nice hotel.

my mum who can’t help with be kids and can barely walk seems to think out of nowhere she will be able to handle flying and walking and will be chasing after the kids. But forgets she can’t, she can’t do heat, she swells up and gets kidney issues and she sleeps terribly in new places.

my dad has never asked and isn’t bothered.

both the PIL and my mum would end up hating it and I don’t want to have to ‘police’ my kids even more because nana has cracked out the haribo at 9pm.

only people I know who holiday with grandparents either:

holiday several times a year
have grandparents who pay
have a really respectful compare ting relationship with their parents
or do it and then never again

I am a grandparent and if we go on holiday with family we always pay for everyone.

Every year we holiday for one week in the UK without grandparents and have done for 20 years - just me and husband and whichever children we had at the time.

However, in addition to this, every few years, my parents have paid for a holiday with all my siblings, siblings in law, kids and niblings - as a treat and sometimes to mark a big birthday. This tends to be in a big shared house near a beach in France. We've all studied French and use the language wherever we end up. We pay for travel, ferry, food, passports, have a kitty for drinks etc and they pay the accommodation because they like us all being together and we'd not all afford to be able to go abroad otherwise. We have cheap days out to the beach and museums and all have a great time.

When there's a family wedding away in the UK we try to stay in the same hotel to spend time together away. We've invited my parents on weekends and half terms away in the UK like music festivals and Butlins but they've declined! My MIL would hate our holidays as she doesn't like travelling, doing lots of activities (we like going kayaking, theme parks, abseiling, swimming, crazy golf, climbing hiking, exploring old castles), drinking, board games, sand, "foreign food", "other languages" etc. She has moaned that she never gets invited anywhere but we invite her to everything - she just likes to say no!

Last time we went on a big trip with my parents (that they paid for and planned for a big birthday) she moaned "no one asked me" "would you like to go?" "no, never, but it's nice to be asked" "do you want to come with us to Butlins next year?" "god no" "do you want to come with us to Tenby in the summer, we could take two cars" "ooo no, I wouldn't want to go for a week". You get the picture.

We are lucky that we are all close. We have never used my parents as babysitters on the holidays away with them. There are so many of us that in more recent years we tend to all do our own thing in the day or maybe split half and half (sometimes there's something the teens and younger adults want to do and the little kids go with the older adults to something more age appropriate) and then all come together for a big shared meal and games at the house.

We regularly holidayed with grandparents but it was because they paid and we couldn’t afford to holiday.

I am now a single parent and holiday with them for the same reason (short breaks, not massive things).

It's great if you want couple time, as they can babysit. It works out well as long as everyone is flexible and agrees on a rough outline of who is doing what and when, at least when the kids are little. As you get older, doesn't really matter as things don't need to be as fixed. It's great to have special family time-I still remember how special it was having grandparents enjoy it with us all as kids. And my mum got a break not that I realised at the time how much that mattered. Think these sorts of things prevent so many marriage splits-having a happy family, that all support each other, and allow parents time to be themselves, is so important.

We used to take my mother away for the week in a cottage, she wouldn’t have had a holiday otherwise (my dad died when my DD was 3) so I did it as a thanks for childcare she provided. She would never take anything towards food or anything when she had DD during school holidays or an hour after school. We also had other holidays without her though so it wasn’t our only holiday. My in laws would have happily paid and would have wanted to holiday with us but no way would I have ever gone away with them! I don’t think it’s an expectation to holiday with any family members.

We used to have massive family holidays when we were kids - grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. It was brilliant. People did their own thing or we met up to go to the beach etc. Grandparents babysat occasionally.

I went away once with my Mum and DD1 when she was a baby. It was a nightmare. My Mum wanted to lock DD in the room and then go out and get pissed. I refused to do this, so we either took DD with us (I was pregnant so not drinking) or my Mum would buy a bottle of wine and drink it alone on her balcony.

The reason I say if they pay is I wouldn’t pick to holiday where they do and honestly wouldn’t choose to holiday with them really full stop.

If I was expected to pay for the displeasure I’d just turn it down and not go.

If they wanted us there and offered to pay id basically suck up a holiday I knew I wouldn’t really enjoy but they would since they wanted us there.

My dad has been on holidays with us a few times but it doesn't really work for any of us. We have a small child so our days are spent at the pool/playground/ soft play. My dad has no interest in any of those things and wants to explore and go put for nice meals. It just ends up being stressful because we can't suit everyone.

I'm a DGP and we always invite our grown up DCs and DGCs on holiday every year. We pay for accommodation and they sort their own flights. We have treated them to an AI holiday and would possibly do the same again some time in the future. We're aware how tight money is for them all - we are comfortable -so paying for accommodation helps them out and it means we all get to spend time together. We also help with DGCs while we're away.

We don't pressure them at all, we just say we're going to X for 2 weeks, if you fancy coming out while we're there then let us know. They always have done so far.

Holidayed for many years until they got too old. Nearly always abroad with siblings family and parents. They always paid for us all.
Take MIL away. She pays for herself but very grateful to come with us and we enjoy her company. HAve such very very happy memories of us being all together . We now currently do the same for our children.

Wild horses couldn't compel me to holiday with my in-laws.....