How to leave DP when I’m a SAHM.

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SAHM. Two children under the age of 5.

My partner does nothing other than work and pay for everything.

I do 100% of the childcare and housework, even at weekends. Anytime I ask for help with anything around the house, it’s met with huffing and puffing and although it’s never been said out loud, I know he expects that this is my job as he goes to work. I genuinely mean that I do 100% of everything house and child related.

I am completely fed up of this.

I had our first DC right after finishing university (there is an 19 year age gap between us). Unfortunately I am no longer qualified to go back into what I trained as, and would need to start back from the beginning with a new career. However I have no time to train in anything as I do 100% of the childcare. DP will not pay for any childcare nor would he reduce his house to help with this.

I would like to make a plan to leave but I’m stuck. We are not married. Looking for ideas and advice on my next steps.

How ridiculous, many people work full time and live alone so do all their own housework as well. OP isn’t the slave of an adult man. He should be pulling his weight with kids and house at weekends.

That wasn’t what the poster was suggesting though. And I dispute that as any judge would take into account the length of the relationship.

God imagine funding and supporting your child through Uni for them to come out with a man 20 years older and big plans to be a SAHM 😣 I mean it’s their life and of course I’d smile through it but I’d be pretty gutted inside.

How are we still reading about these situations in 2026

And..unless theres a backstory here about DA , how depressing that the answer is to claim UC..I know I’ll get flamed for this but it all adds up to our welfare crisis.

I don’t think he should have to do housework at the weekend. The OP should do it in the week. He should want to parent his children though.

Sympathetic but full of absolutely inaccurate statements. She isn’t married. She has no rights to the house and she has no money for a solicitor.

And the adult man isnt ops money pig. Works both ways no?

If he's a high earner then you (and your kids!) are probably living somewhere very nice with a good quality lifestyle. That’s not to be taken lightly. Enjoy this, while studying on the side for ultimately a job and your independence. It may take years but you have to play the long game with such little kids.

Sorry to read. He sounds dreadful.

Would he marry you if you asked? Definitely frame it as about wantiing to cement your love for him - give no indication you’ve become aware of your vulnerable position. Act mega lovey dovey for a few weeks beforehand if that’s what it takes.

If he will marry you, do that asap at a registry office and then stick it out with him until your youngest is at school. You will still only be 28 and will have so many opportunities ahead of you still.

Leaving just now will not give you and your children the best foundation for the future.

Once you’re married you’ll have a claim on the house and his savings. The longer you are married the bigger your claim, so don’t delay.

Dont feeel guilty. He took advantage of you.

Why would she be entitled to half the house

And she is allowed to change her mind! You don’t honestly think she is required to stay in this situation… or do you?

I have a friend who inherited from a late aunt and had a sgnificant amount of moeny of his own from a flat he bought by himself. He sold his flat when he got married and paid 100% for the marital home. The marriage broke down in less than a year and he had to give his ex 50% of the proceeds for a new home. This was in England 10 years ago.

Because they were married The OP isnt

Its like banging your head against a brick wall 😂

Have you checked if there is a bridging course for your degree?

At this point, you have nothing to loose so I’d tell him you want to go back to work and need money for childcare. If he says no, then you’ll have to leave and stay with a friend/family for a time. If he says yes, then you start by getting a job .

Do you have parents? If so ask them if you can stay with them for a bit with your children while you get yourself sorted. If he is a high earners you should get a reasonable amount of cm plus you will be able to claim universal credit.
Then look into getting your career back. Will you really have to start from scratch? What did you train to do?

Does he work in a job where he has a salary?
this is important as many men I know of
have found ways to hide their income and this is a lot easier when they are self-employed or if they get massive bonuses that they can hide.

It’s never too late to retrain.

my ex’s mother retrained to be a teacher in her 50s after around 25 years as a SAHM. I was mystified why she was doing this, then the minute her youngest child went to Uni, she left her husband and lived off her teachers salary. She had clearly been planning this for YEARS. I am still mystified why she stayed so long.

Before the split my ex used to rhapsodise about his parents marriage, saying it was exactly how he would want it to be. Clearly she didn’t agree!

you can leave a marriage for any reason, but I would ask yourself first if any of this is fixable. Have you talked to him about your needs for help and support and your need for time off from the kids and the stuff you are doing indoors? Have you also talked about the need for you to go back to work so you can achieve your full potential? If you have and you still feel trapped then leave. It will not be easy, but you will get financial support for the children from him and you can get support to retrain and Universal Credit.

She won’t be entitled to half the house after a short marriage but she will be entitled to a damn sight more than she currently is.

If she can tolerate a few years she should get a decent settlement, as she is the children’s primary carer.

I honestly think anything else is a very short-sighted approach. Her current situation is bad but she has a way out eventually if she can manage a bit longer. And as other posters have suggested she could even potentially use this time to study, if she can persuade him to pay.

If she leaves now she’ll be a young single mum with no money and no relevant qualifications and that’s a bell of a lot harder to get out of.

No, it doesn't work both ways because he's the one refusing to take on any share of the childcare financial or otherwise, so that OP can work and he can stop being her "money pig". Sounds to me like hes got her right where he wants her.

OP I think you should tell him you want to back to working. Tell him you’ll put the DC2 in funded nursery. I think his response will tell you a lot

Is it OK for you that a mother creates a child and then does no providing? That's just as ridiculous a logic as your post.

And she doesn't pay single bill despite being an adult woman