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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel that I can’t get married…

283 replies

weddingembarrassment · 14/07/2026 22:13

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

OP posts:
pontipinemum · 15/07/2026 09:51

I've only read your replies so sorry if this is repeating others!!

I wouldn't invite the acquaintances at all. I did have a big wedding, but we both have HUGE families.

In your situation I would invite the family and very close friends and do something small.

A woman I worked with got married in Dublin City Hall. Not sure where you are located but there are places similar to that all over the place. They then took everyone to a super fancy restaurant for what sounded like an amazing meal. I think there was some form of music after. It sounded great.

ByRoseBiscuit · 15/07/2026 09:52

We had 30 people at our wedding, without any extra for the evening. We both have massive families and I didn’t want it to become huge so we kept it intimate with just our close families and friends and we had the most amazing day, I wouldn’t change anything about it. Also because guest numbers were small, it meant we could afford to have a better venue, better food, money behind the bar went further etc

Sartre · 15/07/2026 09:53

Prefer small weddings. Ours was tiny, we just had our parents, siblings, grandparents and best friends there. Went to a small one a couple of weeks ago that was utterly beautiful, I’d say around 30-40 guests. I don’t like or enjoy big garish weddings.

cooldarkroom · 15/07/2026 09:56

I had my our kids & 1 partner, brother, & partner(2nd bro couldn’t come), my 3 bff & partners
my H had his Mum & 2 bros & wives.
3 bmf & their partners
This was a deliberate decision.
It was fantastic winter wedding, everyone had a ball. & many people said it was the best wedding they had been to
(it also didn't cost a mint)

Original poster
weddingembarrassment · 15/07/2026 09:56

coachinghelp · 15/07/2026 09:25

OP I think you sound like you know a pretty normal amount of people don't worry!

I would say though that it maybe sounds like you're quite selective about who you class as a "friend" rather than an "acquaintance". When people invite 100 people to their wedding it does not mean that all 100 people are equally close friends. Some people just call everyone a friend.

If I said someone was "an acquaintance" that would mean "I secretly hate their guts" but that's just me!

Ah see to me, an acquaintance is someone I like and am friendly with, will chat to casually in passing (I’m think of familiar faces I chat to at the gym or school mum’s etc), but not someone who I’d make the effort to engage with outside of those contexts, if that makes sense. Not because I don’t like them, I don’t engage at all with people I don’t like, but because life is busy and I just struggle to find the time or energy to fit in extra things / social events outside of my current life. I have a handful of people I could call day or night for anything- these are my Dad, my 2 sisters, my adult daughter, and 2 close friends. Anyone outside of this is an acquaintance really. But doesn’t mean I don’t like them of course!

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 15/07/2026 09:56

weddingembarrassment · 14/07/2026 22:13

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

Good lord, a wedding isn't only allowed for those with huge families. Tbh an intimate affair can be wonderful. My friends got married with about twenty people and had their reception in a beautiful room above a pub, it was so fun eating and dancing, having proper chats with everyone mot just a few almost strangers as a table.

Just plan the size of venue etc based on amount of people, and you can splurge a bit more on the food, drinks etc and have a beautiful day.

Original poster
weddingembarrassment · 15/07/2026 09:57

I’m really enjoying all your small wedding stories! It’s making me feel more positive about it 🙂

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/07/2026 09:58

Small weddings are so nice. Stop worrying anout nothing.

Baking07 · 15/07/2026 09:59

OP, in my circle since Covid, small intimate weddings are very popular.
They are far more interested in investing in their houses than showy weddings.

If I was doing it, I definitely would go low key.

Original poster
weddingembarrassment · 15/07/2026 10:03

5128gap · 15/07/2026 09:19

I think small weddings can be lovely as you get to spend meaningful time with people rather than them just being part of a crowd. As you have an adult DD, I'm assuming you're a bit older, and it's very common if so to have a more low key affair, so not at all embarrassing.
The trick is to design your wedding around the party size, venue to scale so people aren't rattling round in a space designed for 300, thought to the evening entertainment, as it might be better to have something live rather than a 'disco' with half a dozen on the dance floor. Or maybe consider having the wedding late in the day, so the sit down meal is the evening event.

I’m early 40s. So yes, possibly on the older side for a wedding? Better late than never though 😂

OP posts:
5128gap · 15/07/2026 10:15

weddingembarrassment · 15/07/2026 10:03

I’m early 40s. So yes, possibly on the older side for a wedding? Better late than never though 😂

Show quote history

Of course you're not too old! My point was only that smaller weddings are a lot more common for people a little older, so no need to feel embarrassed. Hope that didn't land wrongly!

SylvanMoon · 15/07/2026 10:20

Your in your 40s and you're embarrassed about the amount of people who might or might not attend your wedding???!!!? Good lord. How much were you expecting to spend on this lavish wedding? Is there nothing more meaningful in your life you could spend most of that money on?

Tabarnak · 15/07/2026 10:38

Is there something else behind this , OP?

I am guessing you lost your Mum - are you sad she won’t be there?

Just do a lovely registry office wedding and lunch after with closest people.

GinaandGin · 15/07/2026 10:38

Why are you so bothered about what other people think ?
In your 40s..

Spaghettihoopsontoastplease · 15/07/2026 10:50

HRTFT but yes of course you can. There are small, exclusive use wedding venues that would be perfect for you. We had a beautiful ‘proper’ wedding with less than 15. It was the most amazing day and exactly us.

AmazonQueeen · 15/07/2026 10:57

I think that’s plenty of guests!

I know what you mean …. You worry that the friends you invite might think “oh that’s odd, I didn’t realise I was one of her only friends.”

But what your friends are actually thinking is “oh we she values my friendship enough to invite to her wedding, I feel honoured.”

Pros of not having a huge wedding: your budget goes further. Receptions are often more fun in a small intimate venue where people can choose their preferred menu not be forced to eat bland chicken. You have time to talk to everyone properly.

Cons: if you planned to get married in St Paul’s Cathedral you will look like Billy no mates.

Disturbia81 · 15/07/2026 10:59

Honestly the smaller weddings I’ve been to are FAR better than a load of people. It’s so much more real and intimate, less chaotic. You can enjoy nicer things with smaller numbers. Anyway that number isn’t small to me at all! You have some close friends in your life, that to me is the best, so many people don’t have that. When people have big weddings they are inviting all the acquaintances, everyone their parents know, people down the pub etc
Honestly, smaller is so much better. You’ll be able to chat to everyone and enjoy it more. The people who count will all be there, not a load of randoms.

SpaceAngel1999 · 15/07/2026 11:21

i had my wedding in Australia (I’m uk). We had 11 guests. It was perfect. I hate big weddings, they are so impersonal

myheadsjustmush · 15/07/2026 11:36

We only had about 15 at our wedding.

We chose the venue to reflect the size of the wedding party. We had a lovely day in the company of those closest to us.

DilemmaDelilah · 15/07/2026 11:45

We chose to have a small and intimate wedding with only our nearest and dearest there. That was all family, no friends. We just did a lovely informal lunch and didn't have an evening do. To be frank - an evening do would be my idea of hell!

it was fantastic! Really comfortable for us both and we were able to speak to everyone, plus it was a really great way for both sides of our families to get to know each other.

Error404FucksNotFound · 15/07/2026 11:48

You want to be married but you arent doing it because people will think you dont have many friends?

Is that really the reason?

Grammarninja · 15/07/2026 11:54

Sounds like a fab, intimate affair where you can afford to do things really nicely.
Give everyone a plus one and see what happens.
Huge weddings have nothing to do with having lots of friends, it's usually relations and people who once upon a time, invited you to their wedding.
I had maybe 10 friends at my wedding but the numbers still climbed to 130.
Would have loved a more intimate situation like yours.

Original poster
weddingembarrassment · 15/07/2026 12:04

Error404FucksNotFound · 15/07/2026 11:48

You want to be married but you arent doing it because people will think you dont have many friends?

Is that really the reason?

I realise this sounds silly to some, but yes. I feel a bit embarrassed and sad by how few people we’d have to share the day with us. I suppose social media leads you to believe everyone has huge weddings with lots of guests so it’s made me feel like my wedding will be particularly small in comparison. I’m not sure why this is upsetting me as much as it is tbh, but I do know that I really want to marry my fiancé, so nothing more to it than that.

OP posts:
ChakraMid · 15/07/2026 12:09

You need 2 witnesses
You dont need a big, costly wedding

My friend married recently with 6 guests
Despite knowing lots of people
It was intimate & beautiful

It is YOUR wedding, plan it exactly as you wish !

milveycrohn · 15/07/2026 12:10

My DSon had 30 guests, which I thought was brilliant.
Forget the two tier guests. Just invite who you want.
Worse wedding I went to was my DSister. Best wedding was the same DSister (her second wedding). She had a smallish wedding, and an included meal in a restaurant afterwards. No evening stuff, so we did not have to worry about nightime babysitting.