To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

We had 50. We got married at 5pm, followed by a jazz band, champagne and canapes, then a 4 course dinner, open bar and finished the night with fireworks. We didn’t have a separate evening do, everyone came to the whole thing which we could afford because of lower numbers. It was lovely!

I don't think you should feel self conscious about it - I've been to a couple of gorgeous small weddings and I didn't judge the couple for not having many friends, I felt honored to have made the list. Hosting people is expensive! And with a smaller guest list you actually get to spend time with everyone.

I think that’s a lot of people! We had two at ours, friends who just happened to be staying with us. Then we got divorced 🤷‍♀️.

Weddings are whatever you want them to be. They can be tiny, massive, full of everyone you’ve ever met and a few you haven’t, they can be close family including all your 20 siblings, your 20 in laws, your 40 aunts and uncles etc, they can be extended family and friends only which adds up to four people, they can be two strangers (although apparently register offices don’t like this as sometimes you can’t find two strangers at the last minute and it holds things up), they can be anything. As long as at some point you both sign the legal document then it’s all good. I don’t even think we took photos at ours 🤔.

We had 40. No evening do. No bridesmaids. No cars. We wanted small, minimal fuss. Ceremony and reception at the same place and the venue wasn’t huge so we filled it nicely. Just felt like an intimate meal with friends and family, which was what we wanted.

That seems like plenty! Ditch the evening-only guests and have 30 or however many it is.

Oh bless you @weddingembarrassment - advice from an old bird:

wedding 1, ££££’s would’ve been instagramworthy if IG had been a thing back in the 90’s. Cathedral wedding, fancy cars, 150ish guests to the day, more to the evening. Didn’t know everyone who attended. ABBA tribute band, string quartet, Frank Sinatra tribute act, choirs in the cathedral, Designer dress, Cartier wedding rings, destination honeymoon … the works. I had knickers that lasted longer than that marriage..I often imagine how much that money would’ve been worth if I’d invested it.

wedding 2 , an illness necessitated it. Put together in 6 weeks- off the peg dress, high street dresses for the DD’s. 24 guests to a registry office then a lovely private dinner. No band/DJ etc just a lovely dinner where everyone sat around the table was a ride or die. It was a lovely day. No honeymoon.

please choose the day that you want, not what is expected. Trust me, spending time with people that matter on your special day is utterly priceless.

As long as you don’t book Wembley Stadium for the reception, you’ll be fine.

You sound like me when I got married at 22 with only my mum and little brother in attendance.
I left my home town and was too busy living my life to stay in touch with everyone 🙄 so decided we would elope in secret. Only, he told his friends and family a week before the wedding 😫. The small registry office wedding was his , relatively large and richer friends and family members and just us - it was embarrassing at the time.

I, ironically still have my friends from when I was 4 years old ( I'm 54 now and I moved back home years later) and they all would have attended if I asked 🫣.

I haven't thought about this in years ( the marriage lasted 10 minutes 🤭) but I wanted to let you know, I understand your pain, but the wedding itself is irrelevant ,in hindsight 💐.

I had only my husband's immediate family. We are still together 15 years later. And we ate some cheap dinner in the most awful pub ever. He said if I go or leave him, he is going under a bus. See, beginnings are not important, life after that, is

Same. Married for nearly 40 years now. I hate fuss so it was perfect for us.

We had around 20. Mainly my family, I had 1 friend and dh had 2. Married for 22 years. Got married in a Castle. Less is good.

We had 6 close joint friends + immediate family only. It was wonderful. We were able to make our guests each feel special, and we had no problems with other friends and acquaintances feeling left out because everyone knew it was such a tiny wedding, with no his or hers pals, only a handful close to both.
So yes, small can totally work!

You could have a small ceremony followed by a lunch for the closest people, then a party another day to celebrate. Some friends of ours did that- closest friends and family only for the wedding itself, then a lovely garden party at home for everyone else, a week later (I think, it might have been a few days.)

The bride and groom even wore their wedding attire for the first half of the party, which was an added bonus.

I love the sound of this! Maybe a later afternoon ceremony is the way to go, followed by a meal and then a party (all at the same venue), so that the same guests stay for all of it.

I’m feeling much better about it now actually, reading all your comments. Thank you!

@weddingembarrassmentif you’re actually worried about what people will think when they come and see the numbers, just get ahead. When you give them the invite, say “we’re planning to keep it quite small and initimate, only the people we really want there” and that you imagine there’s nothing worse than having to be polite to your husbands cousins babysitter etc at your own wedding. That way they feel flattered to be included and know what to expect.

That sounds like a lot

My first wedding had 30 people and my second had 2! Just buy a nice dress and elope. 🥰

I am getting married next year and have 12 people on my side, I don’t know anyone else I would want there. As far as I’m aware minimum numbers only apply to catering packages.

I’ve been inspired by this thread to look at venues that cater for smaller numbers - I’ve found a gorgeous one near us, rustic barn type, with a room specially designed for smaller intimate numbers (20-30). That will make me feel so much better than trying to fill a large room!

I had a smaller wedding, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Our total guest list was around the size of your individual one. I wouldn’t pressure yourself to add more people to make up numbers. The key is to find the right venue (or room in a venue) and work with what you have - a small wedding is intimate and can be more bespoke, but if you’ve got an idea in your head of a huge party with DJ into the night that might seem odd with a small number.

Afternoon ceremony, drinks, sit down meal and an evening of music and chatting - more civilised house party than school disco - can work really well.

I haven't got any friends except husband and we are NC with our families. We had a woman I sort of knew and her husband who I had never met. Got married, had a pasta salad from the garage and went on about our day so.you are doing better than me!

We had 40ish, hired out an entire large country house, had a slightly late ceremony and made the meal the main part of the evening, with just drinks afterwards. No band or dancing, just a really nice time with close family and friends.

Easily the best wedding I've been to, regardless of the bias of it being mine.

The trick is def book to yor guest list. A small venue where you have time to talk to all the guests, where you can perhaps to spend more per person on food and entertainment will be a wonderful wedding. The people who love you will be there.

I wouldn't do an evening do as in buffet and disco, not worth it for 15 extra people. What else can you do? Cocktails and a live band? A later wedding, sit down meal and then a chance to all be together?

We recently went to a wedding where there were about 80 people, but the bride and groom clearly had absolutely no budget to host
So they look lovely. They had some nice photographs and their bridesmaids looks adorable.
But everybody had to buy their own drink drinks all night not even a glass to toast a couple was provided
There was no food. It was all just stretched a bit too thinly.
No cake
But they expected presents

So many benefits to later afternoon! You don’t need to get up at the crack of dawn and spend in all day in a fancy dress, candles at dinner, it’s not so blisteringly hot, your guests aren’t standing about bored for hours, if they are travelling they don’t need to get up at the crack of dawn/stay over the night before, people don’t get so drunk as there is less drinking time, you only need to feed them once so it’s cheaper.