To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

I only had 2 people at my wedding.

Is it a wedding or an opening night?

The numbers REALLY aren’t important.

You can get married without inviting anyone. We did. We did it just the two of us. If being married is the most important thing for you, just do that. If you want family and friends, then invite them. It doesn’t matter if you have 5 guests or 500. There isn’t a hierarchy of weddings, 5 is no better or worse than 500. I’ve been to both ends of the scale and have enjoyed every one I have been to.

Of course you can. One of the loveliest weddings I’ve been to had 30 people.

I do understand the numbers aren’t important really, but I can’t get past this sense of embarrassment that it will look like we have no friends. I don’t know why I can’t get past this tbh. I love DP and want so much to be able to call him my husband, I hate that this is a barrier for me 😢

You can get married guestless (with the exception of witnesses) or with a thousand guests, your wedding can be whatever you plan it to be.

It sounds perfect to me. With smaller numbers you can have nicer food, splurge in the booze or whatever. Or just make some of your evening guests into all day guests. My wedding was about 60 guests and I hardly got to speak to some people. Enjoy your time with your special people ❤

That sounds like a lovely wedding!

I'm probably not the right person to answer you really but that's too many people for me!

I don't like fuss or ado so when I got married there was a grand total of 8 including the Bride and Groom! 😂

We even had a wedding blessing ceremony abroad - 4 in total!

It doesn't matter! Do what you want to do - it's your day x As long as you're in love and he treats you well, that's all that matters x

I had 8 people at the registry office. 13 in total for the 'reception' in my garden.

Just say you want a small wedding with those closest to you. Or 'elope' or get married abroad.
The number of friends you have seems normal to me.

Just book a smaller venue and have a great time 😊

I had 100 people at my wedding and I got divorced 😂

it really doesn’t matter OP, the day is about you and your vows. The party is nice to have but I know many people who had small family and close friends only courthouse affairs with fewer than 10 people. Absolutely lovely and you haven’t spent a fortune.

enjoy your day, celebrate each other and best of luck with married life 🩷

one of the nicest weddings I’ve attended was one where 30 guests were invited. Immediate family and a handful of close friends. It was a smaller venue and it worked perfectly.
if I were you id just have family and dh close two friends and make it a smaller more intimate do. You will all be super comfortable with each other. Find a venue that caters for your needs. You could look at some entertainment in the evening if you are worried about creating an atmosphere.

We had about 60 people at our wedding, it was brilliant.

We only had 50 people at our wedding and it was the perfect number. In actual fact if we done it again I'd probably have smaller numbers and do it very differently

The thing is do you want to commit to each other or do you want an event to show off at? I don't mean to be nasty but a wedding was traditionally a commitment to each other in the sight of God with the people closest to you who committed to supporting your union.

It's not an excuse to spend ££££ on pointless tat and a dress and an expensive place and a horse and carriage or whatever just to show off.

If you love each other, a small intimate wedding with say a nice restaurant meal after for 15 to 20 is much better than your cousin's 7 year old spending hours knee sliding across the dance floor, Brian from your office hitting on every woman there, the bad DJ and the awful choreographed first dance that most weddings end up with.

It doesn't matter who is/isn't there how many you've got sat on your side of the church...it's the start of your lives together

Tbh when I got married most of our guest list was aunts uncles cousins as we are both from large families. We had around 80 to the day and of that dh had his five friends and partners and i had my 2 friends and their partners/ kids . So 7 friends between us but with plus ones and kids that equalled 18.

we did think about abroad actually! But I’d definitely want my dad and sisters there, and I’m not sure if I could expect them all to fly out. I’m sure they would, but I would feel like I was expecting too much of them I think.

its good to hear that only a handful of close friends seems normal. The 4 I am referring to are ones who I would pick up the phone to or arrange to see for coffee, etc. Although 1 of the 4 lives some distance away so I do see her less, but when we meet up it’s like we’ve never been apart which is lovely.

Anyone else would be causal acquaintances through work / the gym / school mums etc, but people I’d know well enough to invite to the evening do and it wouldn’t look odd (I hope 😂). I could take the numbers to around 10-15 more that way.

We got married with two witnesses. It really doesn't matter.

You’re looking at a day guest of around 20-25, and another 25/35 at night. Absolutely zero wrong with that. In fact many venues offer packages aimed just for that size, other venues specialise in weddings at that size (a friend got married in a botanical garden with 35 max guests). Registry offices often have rooms up to 25/30 that are beautiful, then you could all go for a meal rather than a huge party. Make it personal to you! Please stop fretting about guest numbers and get married if you both want to.

edited to add that I’m currently about 8 weeks away from wedding and thoroughly wishing I had a smaller audience despite dearly loving every guest we’ve invited and thinking hard about what we wanted before committing to what I’ll call a medium sized wedding 😂. the anticipated stage fright is real, so don’t think it’s necessary easier with larger numbers!

God, this made me cringe. A wedding is for you, not a performance for the society page, and you certainly shouldn't invite people just to fill a space. My mother had a big wedding and hated it - she was furious that my paternal grandfather had invited so many of his business friends.
Tell everyone that you contemplated something bigger, but that ultimately you felt it was far preferable for something intimate and meaningful. And get a smaller space. I once went to a lovely wedding at a small historical inn with probably about 20 people crowded in.

It is much more chic and elegant to have a smaller guest list. Just plan your ceremony, followed by a fantastic lunch, and everyone will have a lovely day. Do you really need a "night time bit"? They are generally a bit tacky, tbh. Or you could just make it a relaxed "at home" event, with a few drinks.

Use your imagination, OP, and you'll find it works much better not to have too many guests - for a start, you'll be able to have a proper conversation with everyone!

Love a small wedding

Theres some lovely intimated venues.
Friends hired a small resturant and created a small dance floor.

We all ate together on couple long tables.

So on your side alone you have about 25-30 people. That’s a totally normal number. Dh and I invited 60 ish people between us. I’d consider that a fairly standard wedding, not a small wedding.