To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

wrong thread? ...

My friend is getting married next year- registry office and then 25 of us for food and drinks in a private room in a nice restaurant.

Dont have an evening do, dont invite randomers. Just do a lovely wedding in the right size venue - and everyone will all know each other by the end, it will be a true meeting of families. If you’re not worried about cost, you can pay for quality over quantity. If you are, then great, few people means you can keep it simple

We got married in a registry office (which luckily was a beautiful building) then went to a country pub where we'd hired the function room. Around 35 people. Everyone says how it was so lovely to go to such a relaxed intimate wedding where everyone got to chat. And I didn't want to spend loads of money! Win win

Oh good grief!! Yes don’t worry about how many people are invited - it’s the quality not quantity. I was a bit worried about this too I have to admit, I had loads of friends at sixth form and uni and then they all dropped like flies and I was left with only a couple I don’t have any siblings and neither does my husband! It was a very small wedding with just family and a few friends on each side and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

i do wonder how people have 100+ at their wedding because I can guarantee that they are not close with every single person and a few of those people would’ve just been invited for the ‘flex’ to have more numbers or just because they invited one work colleague so had to invite another etc.

a wedding is the union of two people and if you went to be religious about it, with a 3rd god as your witness. That’s it.

With your mention of ‘the night do’ you seem to have one model for what a wedding is I. Your head.

Why not invite everyone and have more of a garden party type Reception? The nicest most fun wedding I went to did not have a Too Table, the B&G and family sat at a round table, speeches happened differently: father of the bride did his toast as a welcome to everyone, a bridesmaid and a mother spoke, Groom and his party sang a beautiful a Capella song in honour of the bride.

Have a tea party wedding, a picnic with a small marquee, hire a small private cinema and show 10 mins of family movies from each family and cocktails in the bar….

You are you, building a life with someone you love. Not a scene in an American RomCom

And get on with it! You want to be married! So do it.

I went to a wedding where I was one of 4 guests . How is it embarrassing? Its beyond silly that you would find this embarrassing

I wouldn't bother with evening guests. The number you have for day is the perfect number to yaylor your day towards something really special.
Unless you are desperate for an evening party I would just have something meaningful that goes on to late afternoon.

Rather than have extra people to make up numbers I would use the cash on going more fancy or going for something a bit out of the ordinary.

Get married abroad then nobody will think anything of it

Do you want to get married and have a marriage or do you want to have a wedding day?

we had about 40 ppl at are wedding, we just booked a venue sizes to suit are group size . so the space doesn’t look empty. I didn’t want a big wedding so tried to keep numbers down .

Ohhh yes, Thanks. Not awake yet!

You could have an intimate ceremony and lunch with your close friends and family, then later in the year organise a party for everyone you know, maybe combine it with a child's or your birthday. One big party to celebrate your wedding and any other events at the same time.

I had nearly 100 people at my wedding, about 35 of them were my husband’s family who somehow are all close. My own family is about 5 people. Add in friends on both sides (not many mutual friends), family friends, long standing collleagues etc it all stacks up. A big factor was getting married at the age when people have small children so quite a lot of the attendees were under 10. It was lovely and very chilled, basically a big garden party, and it worked for us. Nothing to do with the flex whatever that is.

OP I’m glad you’re feeling excited about your wedding now. A smaller wedding doesn’t mean you aren’t liked and loved. One of my friends chose to have only about 20 people to her wedding including family and it was just a quick ceremony and nice lunch afterwards. Sounded very chic tbh. Your barn idea sounds brilliant too. Don’t invite people to make up the numbers, just invite those you really like.

I think small weddings can be lovely as you get to spend meaningful time with people rather than them just being part of a crowd. As you have an adult DD, I'm assuming you're a bit older, and it's very common if so to have a more low key affair, so not at all embarrassing.
The trick is to design your wedding around the party size, venue to scale so people aren't rattling round in a space designed for 300, thought to the evening entertainment, as it might be better to have something live rather than a 'disco' with half a dozen on the dance floor. Or maybe consider having the wedding late in the day, so the sit down meal is the evening event.

Just get married abroad. Go to vegas or something, people do it all the time and invite like 3 people.

to me it sounds like you want to have big white wedding if you are worried about filling tables. You don’t need big white wedding to get married:) honestly just go to vegas. You can even get married in gondola there inside Venetian hotel 😁

I'm flabbergasted by your posts. It appears that you are going to be judging the "success" of your wedding by how many people attend it. I thought weddings were celebrations by close family/friends of you and your partners' commitment to one another. It's not a popularity contest or a competition for social media posting. Plus, the larger you have it, the more £££ you're going to have to spend on it. Who would want to increase that if you don't need to? Seriously, why are you even bothering with a big ceremony? Have something meaningful that you share with those you are closest to in your lives. If that means there are 10 guests, that's going to be more memorable for all of you than if you have 500 sort-of-acquaintances.

Having between 2-5 good friends max is completely normal for an adult. A family and close friends only wedding in a beautiful and intimate setting for a lovely meal is perfect.

OP I think you sound like you know a pretty normal amount of people don't worry!

I would say though that it maybe sounds like you're quite selective about who you class as a "friend" rather than an "acquaintance". When people invite 100 people to their wedding it does not mean that all 100 people are equally close friends. Some people just call everyone a friend.

If I said someone was "an acquaintance" that would mean "I secretly hate their guts" but that's just me!

We Had about 50 at our wedding.
Although that’s a bigger number, of my 25 guests only 5 were my friends, the rest were family.

Whereas my husband had lots of friends and not much family.

I remember feeling awkward about not having many friends at my wedding, but honestly I don’t know why. It really didn’t matter. We were in a room filled with people we both genuinely cared about, and that was so much fun!

The great thing about a wedding is it’s YOUR day. You both have the people you care about there, don’t worry about numbers or how many friends etc, just have the people who make you happy that you want to share this moment with. The less people, the more you can focus on the ones who are there as well. No one is going to judge, they’ll just be super happy for you.

The wedding is about your marriage to each other. Not about the party.
Focus on what matters. If you want anyone there just have those you want. And organise something afterwards which suits that number of people.
You can have a lovely do with a few people only.
Worrying about not having hoards of people is worrying about the wrong thing. What matters is your future plans together. Is he the right man for you etc.

Smallest wedding I've been to had 20 guests (all adults) in total - that's all the couple wanted. It was great. At beautiful country hotel. Wedding started at 4pm, lovely ceremony, followed by meal, then relaxed drinks after. All guests there for full thing.

I have two friends who married with just witnesses. And another friend who married with just parents and siblings, and another who had around 30 guests. I'm very close to all these people but wasn't at their weddings as they actively chose to have a small one. I don't think it's an unusual choice.

Sounds like a perfect number of guests to me, not even that small, go for it. Friendship is about quality not quantity. Weddings are for heartfelt celebration with people who care about you.

I have been to two weddings with less than 15 guests. Both absolutely lovely. One was during Covid and we went for a beautiful meal after the ceremony. (They would have had a bigger reception otherwise but it didn't feel constrained in any way.) The other, they paid for accommodation for all their guests which they couldn't have done with a larger number. One was a family wedding, the other a friend. In both cases, I was honoured to be part of their special day.

You can have whatever wedding you want. We had 2 friends as witnesses and our 2 sons at the Registry Office followed by a really nice lunch. We then had a party in the garden the day after. It was great.