To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

The best wedding I went wto had 17 people. It was so intimate and special. Everyone who that was there was they genuinely adored the couple, it was magical.

At the time we scrapped together 49 (but I round to 50), and I Think it was my husband that had twice more than me. I only had three actual friends who had no partners on the day and my husband had at least 10 friends and some had partners.

If I could redo, I would go to a registry and have dinner with immediate family on both sides.

Best of luck on you day, OP 💐

I had 2 strangers as witnesses when I got married and then 10 guests when we had our ‘wedding’ aka now renewal.. you can have a wedding with no guests!

We had a small wedding of total 45 people. Held in a converted stable on what was a farm, but now an event venue. Was lovely as enough bedrooms for everyone as well. Married at 2.30pm. Chat and pictures after with dinner at 6 ish. No seperate evening guest list. People all met up for breakfast the following morning. Everyone said it was one of the most relaxed and fun weddings. We got to see and chat to everyone and they were all close family or friends.

Elope! Everyone will think it's romantic and having got married that way myself I can vouch it was stress free. No worries about people's food preferences, entertainment or who you need to invite.

Sounds like a lovely amount of people for a wedding!
DH & I were the only ones at ours

I don’t think it will look like you have no friends! I think it will look like you wanted a small wedding so only invited a small number out of a larger pool of people. Loads of people choose smaller weddings for financial reasons or because they prefer the vibe, specially second time around I think. I’d be amazed if anyone thought anything of it. I’ve got friends who have remarried who invited me to their first but not their second wedding because the second one was much smaller.
Get married and have a lovely day with your select group of loved ones, it sounds great tbh!

Thanks everyone.

So, my future husband and I have just sat down and made a list and we were actually quite pleasantly surprised to discover that our daytime guest list between us is sitting at around 50-55, and extras for the evening would take us to 80-90. We hadn’t realised we knew that many people until we wrote it all down😂
Obviously appreciate that not all will show up to the evening so it may realistically be lower, but still…

I’m feeling so much better now about it all, and actually pretty excited to start planning! 🤩

Enjoy a wonderful day op! 💗

how sad ...

Weddings aren't about the numbers you really need to stop worrying about that.

Book a nice venue and get on with it.

X

thank you! 🥰

Sounds like an ideal number! It means you can have more of a quality wedding-nicer food etc.

Just get married.
Weddings are an example of unaffordable one-up-manship. No adult needs tk be a 'princess for a day'.
We had 3 people at ours: me, my husband and a witness from the street.
It was perfect.

It's okay to have a 'tiny' wedding or 'intimate' wedding. You don't need loads of guests. The benefit is you may feel more comfortable as you will know them all, and it can feel less formal. It's you and your fiances special day, you plan it to suit you. We had a tiny wedding. No more than 30 for the day with maybe 10-20 extra for the evening.

10 people at our wedding! Close family only. No one insulted. So easy to arrange, so easy to talk to everyone, so easy to get great photos and so much cheaper! Smaller is great don’t sweat about it.

We had a small wedding. It was lovely and cheap! I think you’re actually very fortunate that you don’t have to waste money on a big wedding.

I got married last month and we only had 2 people there our mums. Hes got a big family I hardly have anyome to invite so we kept it super simple. Registry office, afternoon tea. It was lovely and simple.

Don't be silly. Of course you can have a wedding with these numbers. It will be a lovely intimate affair and won't break the bank like a big wedding would.

It's simply got into your head that it's embarrassing, and that somehow you'd be seen as Norma-and-Norman- No-Mate yet it's simply not true! Bless you ❤️!! You recognise that it's in your mind ('can’t seem to get past this') so just tell that thought to pop off out again! Our brains are funny things sometimes aren't they! Yours sounds like an ideal, likely much more affordable, intimate and likely fun wedding-to-be ... you'll have all of those things AND you'll get to be husband and wife at the finish! Now go and plan! And have a lovely wedding ❤️👏

We had it in a fancy 18th century London House with 100 guests. My husband insisted on this and the guest invitation list grew. It was not what I wanted but happened to pay half off anyway. I didnt tell him, but arrived to the venue in a mini cab - he was peeved : ) We got divorced 12 years later.

At my 2nd (real marriage), I wanted just the 2 of us and witnesses. In the end we had our children, close family and DH's friends. All 20 of us, fancy food, cocktails and a good old chat. It was bliss.

The wedding day is ONE day. The marriage is what matters.

Gosh, Do you want to get married, or do you want to show the world how popular you are? Your dilemma sounds so shallow...

I’ve had 2 weddings. First with about 250 guests, second with 6. Both nice in their own way. Overall the smaller one felt more special and more personal. You can really tailor the day to what you both love in a way that is difficult and / or expensive with more guests. Can you view the smaller guest list as an opportunity to drop some of the standard wedding expectations and create a more bespoke and intimate and memorable occasion?

ETA just saw your latest update. Glad you’re feeling more positive about it all and ready to start planning your day

I had 43 people at my wedding and they are all lucky that I had that many there because my original plan was to get married with no one there at all apart from a couple of strangers from the street as witnesses but my mum was horrified at the idea of me getting married like that so I had the smallest wedding I could manage and it was the best day of my life, the amount of people there doesn’t matter because you won’t even notice and neither will anyone else.

If you booked out a small but lovely restaurant, you could have a WONDERFUL wedding party.

Get married!

But maybe your qualms about the size of the wedding party are a cover up for deeper doubts? Just think about that, and if you reject my suggestion violently & immediately, have a great party. A marriage is for life, not the wedding party.