To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

There’s no need to have a night do with extra guests if you don’t want to. Why not just have a lovely, low key wedding with your family and close friends? I love small weddings!

I was at a small wedding this year, fewer than 20 guests, and it was perfect, a beautiful day, lovely ceremony, and a meal afterwards. Unforgettable and delightful, time to chat to everyone, and no stress for the couple. Happy memories!

Pick the right venue.

Our council has three rooms to pick from.
Go for a meal rather than have a huge empty do..

Firstly, it doesn’t even sound like that small a wedding! I had ten at mine!

Secondly - are you older? People tend to have less people at their weddings when older because these people have remained their real friends (and family obviously) There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact, I think it’s lovely. Our best friends had a big wedding in their twenties and openly admit they don’t speak to half the people who attended anymore.

You are being silly (in the nicest way!) You clearly want to get married, hire a lovely venue like a private restaurant or room and do it there. So much nicer than a bog standard hotel function room anyway!

My sister had about 20 during the day.

I'll be honest I did expect more but only becsuse she is very social (her husband not so much🤣!). It was a very fleeting thought and there was genuingely no judgement or thoughts of "they have no friends".

I didnt care, it was about who they wanted and whether they were happy. Which they were.

A relative of mine got married and had 20 people and it looked lovely. They got married at a hotel and had the meal around one very big table. From the photos it looked gorgeous - a happy intimate wedding.

Our DS got married in Covid and they were only allowed 30 people. I was worried it was going to feel second best for them (they’d originally planned a big wedding but went ahead anyway because they just wanted to be married 🥰) but it was actually an amazing day and just as wonderful as our DD’s wedding where they had 100 guests. At the end of the day everyone was saying how wonderful it had been and how much they’d enjoyed the fact that it had been so calm and relaxed.

OP I think the key is to play to your strengths when planning. You can do things with a small wedding that would be too difficult/expensive with a big one (have nicer champagne/ personalised favours etc) so lean into those things to make your wedding special. I can guarantee that if you’re delighted to be marrying your fiancé your happiness will run off on your guests and you will all have a lovely day. And wedding venues will have seen it all - a small wedding will be completely normal to them.

In small weddings every guest counts so as a guest it's a huge compliment. You are not there as a "seat filler". You are there because the couple want you there.

We had just under 40 people, mid afternoon ceremony, snacks, dinner, party.

I mean who actually has 50+ close friends... The large weddings are often large via +1s and acquaintances. There is really not much need for the latter imho. Paying loads to feed and entertain people you barely know makes no sense to me.

We had 50 guests in total, all invited to the ceremony and reception. No second class guests.

Me too.

Mind, after I left him for a woman, we threw caution to the wind and pushed the boat out by having 3 at our civil partnership.

We had a covid wedding (planned in about 3 weeks because we were convinced it was going to be called off/pushed back again). So 16 to the reception, 25 to the meal, then 5 went home and a different 5 came. We were thinking who we'd missed out and would have invited if there hadn't been restrictions. Just my husband's family (5), and a few of my family members who chose not to travel in covid. Everyone said it was one of the best weddings because it was small.

Also, to add, my parents got married decades ago and only had 25. People all said it was the best wedding ever, too.

People love small weddings, they get more time with the couple and get to know the family, too. There's also less pressure for everyone.

So chill, forget about optics, just get it done and have a lovely time!

We had 23 guests to our wedding, we had a 4pm ceremony and were all able to sit at one oval table for an evening meal. We were able to have exactly what we wanted as we weren't spending on a reception for a hundred people. It was a truly lovely day, with the people we love most and no stress.
We had an afternoon tea to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary and it was almost the same guest list!

Are you imagining a wedding reception in a hotel? I can understand how that might be off putting in terms of numbers. It’s sounds like you will have 20-40 guests, in which case you could have the meal in a a nice restaurant or pub. They may have an area that you can use for dancing afterwards, if you’d like that. You need to frame it as an intimate wedding, lots of people have these out of choice so that they can spend quality time with the people closest to them jog just say hi in passing to 100 people. Good luck OP. The important thing is the marriage not the wedding.

Yes, good point! Hardly anyone is truly close to more than 50 people in real life, so I imagine lots of people bump numbers up via plus 1s and vague acquaintances. I hadn’t thought about it like that before.

I was once involved in an official capacity in a wedding with 7 guests. What they were doing by means of “reception” or celebration, I have no idea, but it really doesn’t matter. They were getting married in the way they wanted with the people they care most about.

Embarrassment is about feeling you’ve done something inappropriate. There is nothing inappropriate about having a small family and small number of close friends.

You want to call him your husband….. get on and organise your small but perfectly formed wedding. Much better than dragging in some randoms you barely know for the sake of appearances. Who is it for? It’s for the two of you, not the “approval” of….. who exactly?

Sounds perfect - you do you!

Best weddings I have ever been at are smaller intimate affairs.

Enjoy.

OP I would use the budget to book two weeks in the Caribbean and get married there.

All the best weddings I've been to have been smaller ones. They're more special and intimate, stop overthinking and just arrange it x

This is said in a kind way. Please work on your self esteem. It will do you the world of good in the long run. The amount of people at your wedding is a non issue nor what anyone would think about it.

We had 15 guests and that was more than enough. It is about the marriage not the circus.

I didnt have a huge wedding - around 50-60. Been married 25 years.
My brothers wedding was about 30 people and another 10 or so at his house for a party afterwards - he's been married for 33 years.
Both weddings were lovely and the marriages have lasted.
A smaller wedding means a cheaper budget (or more per person).
Good luck OP.

Just read your update. Nope. Head up and walk away from this lying skank.

Get an STD test too. There's nothing like sitting in the bright lights of the clinic to put your life in perspective.

People will 100% not look around and think 'oh you don't have many friends' they will think you have gone for an intimate and personal wedding!

Lets be honest though - lots of these massive weddings (according to the MANY posts on MN of stressed out brides to be) are full of people that the bride and groom barely know - long unseen relatives, friend of the parents, MILs WI gals and the like - don't give it another thought OP!

I also don't have more than a handful of true friends I could pick up the phone to and I'm sure this is the same for many of us.

Get planning that intimate, rustic wedding - it sounds fabulous!

My brother and his wife are introverts. They don't have friends, don't do group activities, don't get involved in things outside the 2 of them. They organised their wedding in 3 weeks. They got married at the registry office in front of 12 of us and then we went to a very lovely hotel and had afternoon tea. It was beautiful and absolutely them. Marriage is hugely important. Weddings are not. They have become huge and showy and 'for the gram' . Look at all the celebrities who have enormous weddings that turn out not to be anything more than a show because they didn't ever do the legal bit that made them actually married. They just have a huge photo spread in okay magazine. You can have any sort of wedding these days. I've been to massive weddings where there was a really odd vibe ( all are divorced now) and tiny weddings where the couple were very happy and are still together. Big isn't better. What's better ,big or small event, is that you want to be with the person next to you for the rest of your life.

These days it’s sensible to have a small wedding as it’ll be cheaper. I had 15 at mine. It was lovely.