To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

Husband and I felt a bit pathetic when we were discussing our guest list…
In the end we just ditched the “big” wedding plans. At the ceremony, we had our parents, our siblings (2 siblings each), and nieces and nephews. We went to a local pub for a meal that a few more family members and close friends were invited to. After that, we moved to the bar area of the pub and were joined by the rest of our friends. It was lovely, all the pub locals were joining in the celebrations, and it cost a lot less than our original plan!

DH and I have big families and lots of friends, but we were hard up when we got engaged. We married at my parents parish church - 16 of us in total. It was bliss.

Traditional church service, but in the chancel (small bit at the top where the choir sit, so felt intimate), photos in the churchyard after, back to my parents house for homemade wedding cake, sandwiches and champagne, then out for a late lunch at a nice hotel overlooking the sea in a private room. Drinks on the terrace later then everyone headed off around 9pm. It was delightful.

We then held a big party the following year; lots of fun, but the actual small wedding was so special.

Just do that, with a register office if you’re not religious. A private room in a nice restaurant after with photos taken outside the venue or in a local park. Have a fantastic time- and congratulations!

@weddingembarrassment

You are being ridiculous. I thought you were going to say you were going to have only 5 people there between the 2 of you! Sounds like there will over 30!

A woman I know (in her late 50s) had her daughter (only child) get married earlier in the year, and her daughter's husband had 26 family members, and 8 mates. My friend's daughter just had 2 friends, and her parents (my friend and her husband.) Just 4 people!

That's it. 34 people on the groom's side, and 4 on the bride's. They spread them about a bit at the venue, so there were 19 people on each side, but this woman felt really awkward and embarrassed that there was no other family... Hers and her DH's parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles are all dead, the daughter has no siblings, and this woman and her DH are both only children. So no siblings of theirs, (aunts and uncles for their daughter.) They have a few cousins between them, about 8,) but they've not had any contact for 20 years or so.

Now SHE had the right to feel a bit awkward and embarrassed.. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, and she shouldn't feel awkward, and no-one cared. But it's understandable that she did feel awkward.

.

Just elope somewhere nice - 1st world problems dear me!

That is plenty of guests. Its not embarrassing at all. Think of all the big weddings with grumpy teenagers of 3rd cousins removed, weird Uncles skulking in the corner, golf buddies of your parents.

I went to a lovely one about 25 - church wedding then short walk to small local restaurant - they had booked it for the whole afternoon and evening. Meal and speeches, they had a team quiz, a game of Mr and Mrs, people could wander round and chat. Later they pushed all the tables back and had a bit of a disco and brilliant late night snacks. It's was fantastic. One of my favourites and I've been to loads.

You’re being ridiculous. I went to a wedding last month with only 20 people. It was lovely.

One of the absolute best weddings I'd ever been to had around 40 guests. What they did, which worked really well, was have a pre wedding activity/dinner the night before, then their more traditional wedding reception/evening dancing etc the day after. It cut the awkwardness of 40 people who might not know each other or be part of one big friendship group having to make small talk, dance etc. on the day of the wedding - by the time it got to that point everyone was very relaxed in each others company, so the "party" bit went really well. Appreciate two days of celebrating is more expensive, but the fact you have a smaller group might make up for it.

I deleted my post asking the same thing! As a 40 year old woman with an adult daughter it seems an odd thing to 1 be worried about and 2 to have never heard of a small wedding/ small venue. If this is the real reason, then fine, but I immediately thought it sounds like making up excuses, which of course is also fine to decide you don't actually want a wedding/ to get married. If you don't want a wedding but do want the legal commitment just pop down the registry office with the few people then invite everyone to the pub after. The wedding isn't necessary.

If you really wanted to marry each other it wouldn’t matter how many people are at the wedding. Just go for something completely different if you’re worried about instagram comparisons. Just remember though a lovely instagram wedding doesn’t equal a long and happy marriage!

Thanks everyone. Social media has been mentioned a few times and it’s got absolutely nothing to do with that - I’m not a huge social media user tbh. It’s not about how the photos will look, it’s just a sadness and a sense of embarrassment that we don’t have a bigger circle of people to celebrate our special day with us. It really isn’t anything to do with social media or how it looks online, I’m not sure where people have made this assumption from. I just feel really quite sad and embarrassed about having so few people in our circle. But I’ve realised that we can still have a lovely wedding day and the people who matter will be there.

Theres no deeper meaning behind this; I love DP dearly and I genuinely cannot wait to call him my husband. I don’t have any doubts in that regard.

thanks to this thread, I’m going to stop worrying about this and start planning our special day 🥰

Numbers dont matter. If you love each other and have 2 witnesses that’s all you need.

We had 14 at our wedding and it was perfect

if I did it all again, I would love a small bit luxury wedding. A colleague remarried her ex and they rented this small hotel exclusively had 20 guests all weekend and their wedding and the weekend just looked amazing. Lots of quality time with their kids and families.

I see where you're coming from and understand why you feel embarrassed about this. But TBH, if I were to get married today, I'd definitely have a small one, as it's almost 100% hassle-free and for some reason, feels more comfortable.
Anyway, you mentioned around 15 ppl who would fall under the acquaintance category, right? Would it be weird to add them to the close friends and family category so you'll have more people at your reception?
I do think, in spite of everything, that what really matters is that you'll be marrying the love of your life and will have your family and dear friends with you on yours and hubby-to-be's special day. Trust me, when you look at the photos in the future, that's what is going to make you happy, and not the number of ppl who attended.

Hi op these threads are usually about keeping numbers low because of money etc. I would say only invite who you want to share your special day. It’s not about numbers or filling a room you could literally have your wedding then go for a meal. What’s important is you and dp,

I'm planning for 40 and I reckon about 30ish will turn up (depends on plus ones basically). Just go ahead and start planning, enjoy it! Don't turn your wedding into a popularity contest. A beautiful venue near us caters for weddings with 15 people and it's gorgeous! Small weddings are more relaxed, you're going to have an amazing time & probably a bit more to spend on the honeymoon ☺️ let's face it for many of us even if there were 500 ppl there we are probably only close to a fraction of them anyway and at huge weddings you get so little 1-1 time and just end up doing the rounds to say hi xx

My daughter is getting married in 18 months - they are keeping it small and only inviting people who are actively in their lives - no random cousins they haven't seen since they were kids etc. In fact, she has a strained relationship with her Dad and it is unlikely he will be invited - he is not an active part of her life and brings her stress not joy. Focus on what the people mean to you, not how many there are x

To be honest that sounds like plenty of friends and family to me! I wouldn’t want a big event anyway and lots of people seem to want to avoid being guests at huge expensive weddings these days! You only need to look at some of the nightmare wedding threads on here.

You could opt for a family and best friends only wedding with lovely meal afterwards. That would be my choice

Are you really ready to get married?
This sounds like you want to get married to please others, rather than for love.
Quality rather than quantity is how you should judge who you invite.
Good luck

We were a grand total of 11 at my wedding, including us!
Me + husband
1 sister each
My aunt and uncle
My grandmother
My parents
Husband's parents

It was a beautiful day. And the best part about having such a small wedding is that you can really talk to everyone properly. Photos hardly took any time at all and we could keep to sensible timings too as a result of us being such a small party. We were married at 11.30 in a ceremony lasting half an hour, had photos and lunch immediately afterwards, and were done by 3 or 4pm. Bliss!!

We've now been married for 15 years and have 2 kids so I'd say it's going OK 😉

My sister OTOH got married a couple of years back and it was overwhelmingly huge for me...4-stage hen do and massive wedding with 100s of people there. After the hen do and again after the wedding I just didn't want to speak to anyone for about a year. They'd better stay married is all I can say after all of that 😅

I don't think any of your guests could care less. Agree with PPs that small weddings are often more relaxed and enjoyable, especially as the bride/groom I assume as you actually have time to spend more than 5 mins with each guest.

ETA: If you are more upset/embarrassed about not having more friends in real life, then maybe after the wedding you could start a new/pick up an old hobby to make some more friends.

Better a few who matter than hundreds who don't. This is about you two, really. Enjoy it-no one remembers how many guests were there in a few years anyway.

We got married with 2 total strangers as witnesses. It’s our 38th anniversary on Saturday.

We had 6 people at ours. And that was including the registrar and her deputy....

I got married 3 years ago aged 56. We had 30 guests, afternoon ceremony, champagne afternoon tea in a small barn, music from a playlist and no speeches. So many people said if was a fabulous day and everyone had time to talk to others and it was so relaxed. I absolutely adored it, so much better than my first big white wedding at 21! Only those that really mattered to me were there and because it was small it was not overwhelming. It was literally perfect!