To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

We only had our 2 children at our wedding (who were 4 and 6), plus a photographer and her assistant who also acted as our witnesses. Perfect day with afternoon tea afterwards. Wouldn’t do it any differently.

Another one to say that the wedding I enjoyed most by a long shot was small.

Three friends for the bride and close family. I think in total we were 20 people. What made it special was the feeling that we were a real part of the day rather than observers of an event.

It was in Germany so slightly different traditions anyway, but we met at the couple’s apartment, walked all together to a coffee shop where we had coffee and cake, then walked all together to the town hall where they were married and afterwards walked together to a restaurant where we had a super relaxed long lunch. I think there was a jazz band and we played some wedding games. It was Christmas time so I remember some of us went for Gluhwein afterwards.

OP, it was magical. I felt properly honoured and special to be chosen to be part of it. It was 25 years ago and still makes me smile when I think of it. Having the opportunity to chat properly to my friend’s grandmother and mum as we walked along was a joy, and really laughing together with the whole party was so much fun. It honestly felt so much more meaningful than a standard wedding, like we were an important part of our friends’ day rather than observers.

So yes, for the happiest day for guests and couple, my verdict is definitely to ditch the big traditional wedding and have something more intimate!

Do you both like to dance/party?

because if not/
have a much later ceremony time ie 3pm ish
do the canapés/photos etc
then just have the dinner with your guests - keep it small!

and if anyone asks - just say you only wanted a small/intimate wedding!

it’s your wedding OP! It’s only you and your future husband that matter! Have it how you want!!

You're caring too much about this. You have 20 ish people who you would love there so invite them. Just get married and go out for a nice meal with everyone.

A lot of normal people have a couple of close friends and the rest are more people we are ‘friendly’ with.
At your wedding you want the most important people there, not just ‘people’ to pad it out. Embrace the fact that you can have a small intimate wedding and enjoy it!!! We did!

I only had one friend to invite. She didn’t turn up 😕. So that just left a few family members.

My DH invited his brother and family but they were ‘busy’ which left him with only his mum to invite.

It’s only going to make a difference if you book a venue that holds hundreds and there’s 6 of you.

My wedding was wonderful but there were only 8 guests. Everyone had a great time.

I went to a wedding like this about thirty years ago and remember it well because it was so lovely.

OP, when I married for the second time, I had DH’s mother and brother, my siblings, my DC and a couple of partners. It was lovely. We could all sit round one table for lunch and it was a thoroughly enjoyable occasion. You really don’t need casts of thousands to have a good wedding!

You do not have to have the traditional reception with a top table and lots of smaller tables. Get married in whichever place, religious or otherwise that suits you best. Then book a big table at your favourite restaurant. Invite all the people who matter to you and have a lovely day.

Hi OP, I haven't read the whole post but I just wanted to share this.
I was a Registrar and have seen many, many weddings. One that sticks in my memory is a party of twelve people, the couple married at a lovely venue and had a sit down meal after the ceremony in an adjoining room.
It was a beautifully decorated room with a central square table. Everything was gorgeous to look at and I imagine the food was top notch. They spent a lot of money per person but they had a lovely event that has stayed in my memory. They made it their own and had what they wanted.
Be confident, DO NOT worry what others think. Enjoy your day, fill it with things you and your husband-to-be love !
Less people will mean more money to spend on you both and those who attend. To me that's a win.

Why not just take yourselves to the registry office and tell everyone after the event?

A wedding doesn’t make a marriage.

We had 14 people at ours including DH and me. Small ceremony followed by a nice meal for everyone and it was great.

I had 54 people at my wedding but it seems like similar to you as we had invited aunts, uncles, cousins etc. You don't mention them? Maybe you are only children of only children? Or aunts / uncles are older.
In immediate family I only had: dad, sister, one close family friend. Husband had: mum, dad, sister with her partner and 2 kids, brother with his wife and one kid. Then we had 6 friends and husband invited friends from a hobby. So maybe 6 tables all in. We had an amazing day. It was so special and lovely and I enjoyed the build up and getting ready etc. You will do. Go for it and enjoy your special day! (I have also been to a wedding with approx 20 guests and it was great!!).

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I haven’t voted on this because of course YANBU to feel as you do, yet there is no need to be embarrassed to have a small wedding. In fact I prefer them. Have a wonderful wedding day.

I'm sorry but your post sounds pathetic and makes me question your maturity. You do know (as evidenced by many of the replies to your post) that a wedding is a ceremony between two people, with one or more witnesses? Many many more people get married in a registry office than in a lavish public wedding ceremony somewhere. If you and your DP want to cement your relationship with marriage, do it however you want. It's not some sort of competition. I think you need to examine why you're getting married rather than needlessly worrying how your wedding spectacle is going to look for others.

Small weddings are the best weddings, more people know each other and you are not wasting a fortune on a big party. Just make sure the venue is not massive.

Have a small wedding. Ideal! It will be less stress and less money. Do something low key like a lovely meal in a hotel and no evening do. If you’re bothered how it looks just say you wanted something small

I had 25 at my wedding. I could have invited wider family but I didn't want to spend the money ! I wanted to get married on a budget . So maybe you could frame it that so you will feel less embarrassed

We had 20 people and it was perfect! Go for it and have the most wonderful day and marriage.

Two things matter in getting married. The legal contract. The personal commitment. If you're religious, add the vows before your god or gods.

The rest is irrelevant. The wedding doesn't matter. The marriage does.

Set aside the embrassment, enjoy the small intimate venues that would be off the table with a larger list, and make the most of the money saved and the fact that with fewer people you'll actually be able to talk to them all on the day.

That's not a small wedding. I'm an only child,late DM was. dead,F didn't attend. I had 20 guests altogether,both sides..register office,that was too many because bil children ruined it and the reception. Original plan was Gretna us and the 4 dks,it was sabotaged by mil. I think you are being ridiculous, have you told your fiancé ,you are putting off getting married because you want a big guest list!

My dad has ten guests at his wedding. It was absolutely beautiful and lovely. My favourite wedding ive ever been to. It was in the private room on a beautiful country pub. Lovely garden for the kids to play in when they got bored. Everyone knew each other so conversation flowed. It was just amazing. I would take that wedding over big ones anyway.

My first wedding we wanted an beautiful but very expensive venue and couldn't afford a big wedding there, we decided it was our day and we'd have what we wanted, so we cut numbers to 30.
My second wedding (first DH died) we didn't want a fuss so had a registry office with parents and siblings and afternoon tea at our favourite hotel.
A wedding is about a couples commitment and nothing else, the bigger the wedding, the more you spend - it's one day, not your lifetime.