To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

We just attended a lovely small wedding, day time into early evening with a small but beautiful dining room, the venue could only host a max of 17 so it was just the right size.

We eloped overseas for ours and it was the best decision for us, not because of guest numbers as such but more because we wanted to marry there and not put considerable costs on others and also we had everything exactly how we wanted it. It was fabulous.

We had 30 including ourselves and our child. 8 of those were friends, rest were family. We lived abroad for a very long time so didn’t have many more people to invite, plus I felt much more relaxed about just the people we had coming as they are all people we are very close with. Anyone else, I would have probably worried about what they thought, making convo etc. we had it at a gorgeous registry office, then did a big posh pub lunch after

Well done! I chose to have 10 close family at my wedding and then a sit down meal afterwards. It was lovely

Micro weddings are trending and very cool these days op. You can have a far more intimate and special day, one that won’t see you wasting so much money on people you never see from one decade to the next.

Hete is some inspiration

www.oetkerhotels.com/hotels/the-lanesborough/events/micro-events/

I put our wedding off for years for the opposite reason. The numbers kept going out of control, if I was inviting this person then I had to invite this person sort of situations etc. We both have a large family.

In the end we eloped and it was fantastic. No stress, no forking out huge amounts to cater for everyone else's needs and wants. We opted for the 'easier to ask for forgiveness than permission' route and only told everyone after it was a done deal.

It was just us, and we could relax and have fun.

Goodness. So you want to get married for other people. Or for social media likes.

Get married because you want to be his wife, or don't.

I had 15 guests at the first wedding. 10 at the next. By choice - I didn't want an expensive “faff do” either time. Both were lovely.

It’s about the marriage - not about a day, 👍

There were 11 people at our wedding. Two of those were the bride and groom and two were children. We have been happily married for 49 years.

You will be inviting 100% of the people you want to though.

No, it’s genuinely nothing at all to do with social media. It’s just a sadness I have about knowing so few people, as all the weddings I’ve been to over the years have been much bigger numbers. So my frame of reference is that it’s meant to be that way. I also feel a little embarrassed by the situation. But notning to do with social media - I haven’t mentioned that at all so I’m unsure where that has come from?

Thanks to everyone for the ideas and comments - lots to think about! I’m actually excited to start planning now 😀

We had about 25 at ours. A dozen family and my closest friend at the registry office then another dozen met us for luncheon in the officers' mess. We drove home, had a cup of tea then had two weeks in Cornwall. Utter bliss. We were married a couple of weeks short of thirty years.

For seating we had three long tables in a U-shape, people only sat on the outside of it. No evening event.

Yes I’m leaning more towards a later afternoon ceremony, followed by a fancy meal, then drinks and a party into the evening with a live band …In a rustic barn type venue with a room to cater for a smaller number (I’ve found one near to me which looks amazing 🥰). This is my vision so far!

For our wedding we only had family members, no friends. There were just over 20 of us in total, and we had no evening do. Married in the afternoon, had a lovely afternoon with a few drinks then food and cake, and we were all done by 7.30pm - exactly what my DH and I wanted as we had a baby at the time. It’s been more than a decade since we married and we still wouldn’t change a thing.

OP - just keep numbers small and it will be a really lovely intimate wedding. Don’t invite people just for the sake of it, and you certainly don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. IMHO - it’s about the marriage afterwards, not the frills of the wedding day. Good luck.

We had a tiny wedding and it was amazing

We had about 50 at our wedding. As pp, you just pick a venue that suits “smaller” weddings. And that certainly doesn’t mean it will be any less special. Our venue was/is a dream place to get married. (And now celebs use it). I did have the same fears as you, but actually I don’t think most people actually know dozens of people well enough to want them at their wedding. And the more guests you have, the more money you spend.

One of my friends had a wonderful wedding with a fish and chip van as the meal and no evening do. Best wedding yet. X

We had 40 guests or thereabouts at our wedding. Just the ceremony and a full sit down meal. We did have photos (never look at them, I’d probably cry if I looked now as so many of the guests have since died). We didn’t have an evening do, not our thing, and just left for a night in a nice hotel and our honeymoon the next day. Married 25 years. It was before social media so no influence there. I would say 3 things - no one is as interested in your wedding as you are; in the 25 years since I got married, no one remembers the date (my mum did until her memory went but that was it, my husband and I do which is what really matters) and, most importantly, it’s not a single day that counts it’s the marriage - the life you make together.

Whatever you do, your wedding and marriage will be as valid as the next couples and, truly, it’s the life you make together not a big day that counts. I think we still get sucked in to what a wedding should be without really thinking about what suits us as a couple and what a wedding should mean.

I don’t understand the issue? If you’re that worried just get married with family there and keep it deliberately small.

We had a small wedding. Better all round. You get to talk to everyone and it’s more personal.

Honesty smaller numbers actually suit some weddings better. Have a wedding later in the day so you only have the one reception (ie no evening reception). Then pick a venue which is smaller so your wedding party fills the space rather than it feeling empty.

You could even have a destination wedding with a very small amount of family and have a lovely meal with others when you come back.

Don’t compare yourselves to all these instagram weddings with massive venues and lots of guests. The main thing is you and your fiancé get married, everything else is just details around that event.

Why would you bother inviting acquaintances? Just invite the people you’ve named to the ceremony and book a small bar etc for the venue. 25 people plus you and your DP is fine. Or don’t have a reception at all if it embarrasses you.

I had very few people compared to my husband, atheist thought also occurred to me that people may have negative thoughts about me based on that, but actually I had a really nice time and didn't think about it on the day or afterwards.

I had 10 guests, should have been 12 but my Dad & step mum couldn’t be arsed to turn up.

Still, had a lovely afternoon as we got to speak to the people we actually cared about!

we had 35. Others were there in the evening

The embarrassment is just in your head, OP, and is probably down to the imaginary wedding you have played in your head for years.
But if a person gets invited to a small wedding they don't assume the bride & groom have no friends, they feel lucky/special to be invited and assume it's a cost thing - weddings are stupidly expensive these days so I think there are more smaller weddings happening than you think.

Having a small wedding with people you actually care about around you (& spending less money!) sounds perfect. Way less fuss & drama to worry about so you will enjoy it more too.

Just plan the day you want, it will be lovely.

Oh, I WISH I’d kept my wedding small - I was an idiot to think a big do was required. My next door neighbour had just 20 at theirs and it was apparently idyllic, my sister had just 2!