To feel that I can’t get married…

[weddingembarrassment]

…because it will be embarrassing to not have many guests to invite?

Long story ss short as possible. DP & I have been engaged for 2 years now. I desperately want to plan our wedding but I’ve been putting it off because (this may sound silly), between us we don’t have many people to invite, and I feel embarrassed about this.

I have the following people to invite: my Dad & his partner, sister and BIL & her 3 kids, my other sister (single, no kids), 2 half siblings (both single), adult daughter & her boyfriend, daughter’s best friend, and 4 friends at most (plus their partners). That is the extent of the guest list on my side. Anyone else would be an acquaintance at best and I’d likely invite around 10-15 extra to the night do, but these would fall under the category of acquaintance rather than close friends to invite to the ceremony and the meal.

My fiancé has his parents, and two close friends (one of whom would be his best man). He does have a slightly wider friendship circle than I do - he has hobbies etc and knows more people through his job, so I imagine he could generate a list of approximately 15-20 night time guests.

Can we have a wedding with these small numbers, or would that be totally embarrassing?!

I really want to be able to call him my husband, but I’m so worried about how ridiculous it will look to not be able to fill more than 2-3 tables 😢

Has anyone had a small wedding like this? Was it OK?

What about doing a barbecue? We had a big wedding but we had a steel band and a barbecue at about 7 o’clock.
For the evening guests

We had 15 people. Ceremony then a really special meal in a private room in a lovely hotel so it had a weddingy vibe. I wouldn’t have an evening do disco style thing with that number of guests but it didn’t occur to me that it would seem odd that we had so few people.

Ate you embarrassed you don’t have any friends, or about other people seeing this? I mean, by all means resolve to work on making friends, or figuring out why you don’t have any, but I fail to see why it should stop you getting married! I have lots of friends, as does DH, but we chose to get married with two witnesses.

I have no friends. Husband does, and his best friend and then partner were invited. Otherwise it was very small with just family.

Who are you worried will judge you? Nobody really sees your photos apart from you, and the staff who attend won't know who anyone is.

Me too!

Apart from mine (!) the best wedding I've been to had 32 people, the maximum the venue allowed. Brilliant day.

Adding to my previous post - it’s the marriage, not the wedding.
It is the single thing that makes the biggest difference to your life.

You are overthinking this, small weddings are fine, go for it!

I want to get married, me and my partner have only a few people each to invite (probably more than you have said here) but we are happy to have less people and cut the cost tbh. Also an intimate wedding can be so cosy and romantic. I think we have less than 100 people to invite between us because we only want people who truly will share the happiness and I think that's ok. 🤗 go marry the man you love! x

I know less people than that, is that embarrassing?
Have a meaningful intimate wedding with people you truly want to invite over trying to make up the numbers.

Sounds like a perfect number to me... all you need are a couple of witnesses, you don't need hundreds of people

Smaller weddings are so lovely. It's so close and intimate and focuses the day on what it is supposed to be about which is you and your husband making committments to each other in front of their nearest and dearest.

Your numbers will beautifully fill a smaller venue with people you love and who love you.

Weddings are a "day" and marriage is (a promise towards) for life.

Who are these people who think you have no friends?
I get there is SM pressure and photos to share with colleagues and aquatences but honestly not one of them will consider the numbers.

I really think you’re overthinking this. Those numbers sound like a perfect number for an intimate family-style wedding. Choose the venue to suit the numbers.

i went to a family wedding recently which was about 35-40 (I didn’t count exactly, but best estimate) and it was one of the nicest weddings I’ve ever been to. The guests were all family or close friends and it felt really special to be included. The ceremony was in a small chapel, the reception was at a vineyard, both were ideally suited to that number and honestly, the whole day was just perfect. I’ve been to bigger weddings, but they’ve sometimes felt impersonal or showy, this one….just lovely.

I’ve been married twice, the first was a big fancy do, the second was just the two of us and two friends as witnesses…..when I look back, the second one felt as though it was more meaningful. Big isn’t always best.

My first wedding had 70 to the day and 150 to the night.

the second wedding is hypothetical currently but we have both agreed small is definitely better and we actually quite like the idea of getting our kids to plan it!

guests should be those that you truly value. It’s not a parade or a popularity contest.

I totally agree. The night part of weddings is basically just a nightclub where you pay for everyone to get in.

If I were part of the intimate inner circle invited to the ceremony and wedding dinner I wouldn't even bother going to the separate evening do. I'd have done my celebrating by then.

I was going to have 35 at my wedding and felt worried it wasn't enough.
Then a few weeks before I went to a wedding where there were 18 guests. It was one of the loveliest events I have ever been to.
Suddenly I wanted to cancel some of my invites as 35 felt like too many! I didn't and 35 was great too, just trying to say your plans sound lovely. Get on and start getting it organised!

OP hasn't mentioned having a problem deciding on the menu.

BBQ indeed. That's such a shit idea.

FFS - just look for an appropriate size venue - it will only look stupid if you hire a ballroom that will fit 500 and you have 50.

When I married my ex husband, his parents and sisters came, a slack handful of friends and that was it. No family from my side. I think, including us, there were 16 of us, tops. We had a nice meal and a long marriage. We are still friends.
The amount of people present don’t make a difference. All that matters are the feelings for each other.
Just get married and have a lovely life.

I had a small wedding and it was lovely. I think you’ll have a great time. I wouldn’t even call yours small! It’s medium sized! I am so glad you found somewhere nice.

It sounds like you are inviting acquaintances just to make up numbers? Don’t do that. Don’t have extra evening guests. Have a small wedding with your loved ones and enjoy it.

Yet another one here who just had 2 witnesses, it was brilliant and I regret nothing (over 3 decades now).

I've never heard of a big wedding where someone isn't offended by something (the table they're put at, not being given an import job to do etc) so having a small wedding tends to remove that issue. Having said that, your numbers don't actually sound that tiny - step away from social media and just get married in a way you enjoy...

Don't bother with evening guests. I think that practice is a bit cringe anyway.

Concentrate on the people you're close to and have a lovely intimate well catered lunch and then you and your new husband retire to a fancy hotel for the first night of your honeymoon.

We had a lunch for 8 people. Lovely day.

I have a small circle of friends. I always have done. I have friends who have a huge circle. I couldn’t cope with having to constantly think about too many different people.

That actually sounds plenty if you add it up on both sides. I had just over 60 people at my wedding. We had everyone for the full day and didn’t invite anyone extra for the evening.

We also ensured everyone had the option of a +1 even if they were single, except for 2 big groups of friends. My DB was single at the time and brought his best mate who i’d met several times anyway.