Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

[CurdinHenry]

Not because I want to go in a heavy night out

Not because I think I have any right to tell them what to do

I just don't enjoy their company so much when I'm having a glass of wine and they're having a fizzy water

Yanbu, its a personal feeling, youre allowed those

I'd be the same

exactly this.

It only matters if you're wanting to get shit faced and want company.

I have just worked out what troubles me about this post. If I had a friend who didn't want to spend time with me unless I was drinking alcohol I'd think that they didn't actually like me.

She did say sober beverages make her feel ‘dystopic’ which seems concerning. I think if I found out a friend didn’t enjoy my company when they were sober I’d be pretty horrified (and upset). I agree though that today’s weed would be far more horrible to put up with on a night out.

but its worse even than that. They don't enjoy your company when you are sober.

He yes. That’s what I actually meant to say. 😁 That’s actually the thing that I take away the most from this. Whether OP likes a drink or not, I’m not really judging (or caring) but if she was my friend and I found out she didn’t enjoy my company because I wasn’t drinking I’d probably drop her.

yes, I think the same thing and have said so.

I agree. If you require your friends to be a bit tipsy to enjoy their company then you clearly dont actually like your friends very much in the first place!

Reading MN makes me so grateful for my lovely friends

Me too. Not once has alcohol been the measure of whether we like each other or not.

Jesus.

Famously turned boring old water into wine

My kinda guy

😂

I've never been a drinker for personal reasons. I suppose that means that for some people I'm not 'friend material' (or at least nothing more than a second-tier Day Friend, whatever that is). That's fine, but it is a bit hypocritical to be okay with stating that friends who no longer drink aren't as much fun to spend time with while also expressing frustration with non-drinkers who disparage other people's life choices.

I don't care if random people choose to drink. It's their life, even if they drink more than is healthy, same as it's my right to eat too much cheese than is good for me. But I do judge people who would suggest I'm not as much fun to spend time with simply because I don't drink alcohol.

Not at all, friends who don’t drink are fine as they are who they are and don’t suddenly change.
It would be like you knocking back the wine around friends who are used to this side of you before.
It’s the change that causes the shift more than whether friends drink or not.
My DH never drinks but never makes a big deal out of it.

Why?

You cant expect people's lives to remain static their entire life surely?

People get married
People get divorced
People have children
People give up drinking
People give up weed
People change their job
People change where they live
People might become unwell or disabled

If you expect friends to never ever change themselves or their circumstances thats really weird and if you dump your friends the second their life changes a bit well, you'd end up with none left

You cant expect people's lives to remain static their entire life surely?

But no one is saying people shouldn't change. It's perfectly fine and even good, but it's a bit less fun. And that's OK. I think it's OK to admit that.

I mean it would probably be super fun to do drugs with friends, but that doesn't mean I'm going start doing it.

Off to meet a group of friends today. I will be driving because I need to go home again but the rest are staying over where we're meeting. I've absolutely no idea whether or not they'll all be drinking. I think one doesn't drink but the rest have a drink sometimes so I guess it will be a bit of a mix. We're in our 50s and have known each other since late teens. It did not occur to me to see who was drinking and who wasn't. We are the same friends drinking tea and coffee or water as we are drinking wine beer or spirits.

I’m not talking about life changes. If you meet a friend once a month for a drink and the next time you meet they’re having tea it can feel a bit odd.
I am suggesting you dump the friend. Just that the dynamic of the occasion and conversations change. It’s not that deep.

But no one is saying people shouldn't change. It's perfectly fine and even good, but it's a bit less fun. And that's OK. I think it's OK to admit that.

Well, if you find your friends less fun when they arent tipsy then you must not have interesting, fun friends I guess which In think is quite sad 🤷‍♀️

So sorry but you wont be having any fun today if you arent drinking according to several on this thread!

God Lord do you imagine yourself to be good company?

Yep. I have lovely friends and none of us need to be tipsy to have a laugh.

Its all good 😁

May as well just stay at home then.

You don't sound like you're big on nuance