Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

[CurdinHenry]

Not because I want to go in a heavy night out

Not because I think I have any right to tell them what to do

I just don't enjoy their company so much when I'm having a glass of wine and they're having a fizzy water

The problem is you married a boring person. Other people don't need alcohol to be fun and interesting - that's the OP's real issue.

But having pretend booze, and pretending it's real, and that you are getting pissed - so your mates don't call you boring, (like I was actually referring to!) Who does that? 😂

Also, if you have no alcohol in your booze, then you are not getting the same feeling. It's not the hops in it that makes you feel 'high' and tipsy!!! It's the alcohol!!! And wine doesn't have hops in it anyway!

Why are you so worried about people noticing you are not drinking alcohol?

Also, you don't have to be a child to have 'fizzy pop.' Adults drink it too sometimes you know.

FWIW I have mineral water or diet coke when I'm at the pub/out with friends socially, because I don't give a shiny shite what anyone thinks about me not drinking alcohol. Then again, the people I socialise with aren't so immature and narrow minded that they will judge me. If your friends are judging you so much for not drinking alcohol to the point that you have to pretend you are, maybe you need to start looking for new friends.

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WTF is 'mother root'?

I don't drink. Some of my friends don't, some drink moderately, some a little more. Amazingly, we still manage to get on and to have lovely days and nights out together.
The idea of ranking friends by what they drink is really really weird.

I think that people who are not comfortable with you not drinking are people who already have a relationship with alcohol.

I love a nice soft drink as a treat sometimes, but not when I'm sitting in the pub, no. I can drink several beers, I can't drink several glasses of soft drink.

You've taken my post far too literally. I'm not doing some big pretence, of course if someone gets a round they'll see I'm on the zero beers!
Most people aren't particularly observant though, so all they'll see is me with a beer in my hand, fitting into the vibe. It's not deep.

You most certainly can get a bit of a high from hops, and there's also that kind of high you get from remembering the effect of the alcohol and other people getting a bit buzzy.

Mumsnet is hilarious, people are so sanctimonious about booze that they're even proclaiming themselves superior to drinkers of alcohol free beer 😂

I think this is a pub problem.
I agree about soft drinks; I can have one ginger beer but then I don't want any more. I also only want one mineral water, generally, and I get sick of lime and soda. I love a mug of tea in a pub in colder weather, but obviously not right now!
Also, some of my local pubs don't do any hot drinks.
There's also a dearth of non-alcoholic spirits.
I think they're missing a trick on all of these; surely tea is cheap and easy to provide (as a lot of pubs do)? And I happily pay quite high prices for non-alcoholic spirits/cocktails when I go somewhere that does offer them. It's a growing market.

OP this is not a comment about you - it's a general observation from personal experience.

I nearly gave up on a friend because she was a heavy drinker and constantly, constantly pressured me to drink. I drink very little - don't really 'get' alcohol, but enjoy a nice half glass with a meal....and I was always on the lime soda or orange and fizzy water, and perfectly happy.

From the pov of a sober person she was a total bore and PITA after nearly 2 bottles. She thought she was the life and soul, but really she wasn't. Her speech slurred, her face contorted, she couldn't stand and was rude to people, including me. When I saw her on say Monday, there would be another sob story about why certain people were blanking her - and she'd be wondering what she'd said and done. Several friends were lost that way.

I have no room to criticise her for her addiction - I eat far too much sugar!! But she'd ask me for advice and I'd say 'Can't you just have 2 glasses and then switch to a soft drink?" She said she definitely couldn't.

The happy ending is that she did get a grip on her drinking and confined it to Fridays and Saturdays, watered down her wine and stopped after 3/4 glasses. Things are much better now, but I still avoid seeing her on the nights she drinks because I know I will have one hell of a boring evening, she will talk absolute crap and not remember anything the next day. I make excuses because I can't bring myself to say these words to her, but her drinking does still make me avoid her sometimes.

That's why spending time with drunks is a total waste of your life.

I really wish more restaurants did non-alcoholic wine! I love a glass of wine with food when I eat out, beer doesn't always go unless it's quite casual dining.

I was delighted at a Chinese restaurant in Soho recently as they had non-alcoholic wine and fizz, so I had my little bottle of fizz with my dim sum. Would definitely go back there.

I guess there's plenty of alcohol-free gins now, they seem to lend themselves quite well to it. I can't imagine that an alcohol-free single malt would work, but who knows...

Bollocks can you not have fun without a drink!

I’ve been to three concerts this summer and going to another tomorrow (The Streets at Ally Pally…cannot wait!).

I went to a party on Friday night in a bar until about 1am and chatted to people so much I nearly lost my voice…then went to a day rave on the Saturday where I danced for about 6 hours straight. On Sunday I had a bbq for my two best friends and we yapped away for hours and laughed until we cried fuelled only by San Pellegrino (and jerk chicken… and ice cream!).

I actually have more energy and find more joy in things since I quit booze. No hangovers. No hangxiety! Lost 20lbs of wine weight without even trying. Can actually be arsed to do exercise now and do daily yoga and regular weight training.

I remember the days when I thought I could only relax with a glass of wine (complete myth) or couldn’t go out dancing without a couple of vodkas (just masking social anxiety, in my experience). I’m glad they are long gone!

It’s been a normal and acceptable part of our culture for thousands of years.

There’s nothing more boring than a drunk person.

Mumsnet is hilarious, people are so sanctimonious about booze that they're even proclaiming themselves superior to drinkers of alcohol free beer 😂

I don't see it as being superior - I (and other people, I guess) just don't get alcohol. When I was younger I tried hard to like it, but I just don't. On the other hand I love a fizzy ginger beer or orange or lime with fizzy water.

I can enjoy a small glass of fizz occasionally and a nice glass of wine with a meal - again, occasionally.

I'm sorry - I just don't enjoy it! And while I'm prepared to consume things I don't enjoy for the sake of my health, I'm certainly not going to drink alcohol just to fit in or make other people feel better.

But yeah, I've always had drinkers whingeing in my ear about 'if you had a drink, you'd enjoy things much more!' I've learned to nod, smile and keep drinking the orange juice rather than try to argue with them.

Ain't that the truth.

Let’s reframe this OP and ask whether your friends still enjoy the company of a drinker.

Alcohol is being proven to be catastrophically damaging to health, even in small doses so stopping or cutting down is probably one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Once people make the shift anway from consumption its ironically sobering to figure out 1) they don’t miss how terrible it makes them feel and 2) just how much it changes people for better or worse.

If you can’t enjoy your friends company when they’re sober you either need new friends or look inwards.

It depends.

If they still enjoy pubs and bars, fine. I often go to the pub and have a soft drink.

But if they give off ‘I am compromising myself to your pub-normative lifestyle’ Pa vibes and insist, always , on a tea shop or coffee place after a hike, for example , it is tiresome.*

Ditto if they offer the revolting Nosecco at their house as if it is a celebratory treat. I enjoy ice cold sparkling water, but being not keen on a sweet fizzy mess of a drink invokes PA implications that it is because it is AF.

So… it depends!

*exception for recovering alcoholics when pub avoidance is understood

I'd never ever comment. That's rude and gauche and people are obviously allowed to do whatever they want for their own health and pleasure. That's why it's secret annoyance!

And I'm sorry but see all the "you're a vile alcoholic and need alcohol to be fun, not like ME!" pp? None of youse are fun.

I don’t know how anyone can drink several glasses of any drink. At the end of the day it’s liquid and I can’t drink a lot of liquid in one sitting.

I always think that if you need to drink or get drunk to have a good time, the party isn't any good to start with.

Honestly, ingrained ability from when I used to drink for real!

I'm a drinker and I gave to say I can't relate to you at all!

It makes no difference to me if the people I'm with are drinking alcohol or not.

That restaurant sounds lovely!
Things like Seedlip, I think they have different ones that are meant to be like different spirits. I don't know if they have any that are meant to be like whisky.
I tend to like mixed drinks/cocktails anyway, which makes it easier; I think once you've added fruit, juices and syrups/herbs and spices etc to an alcohol-free base, you can't tell the difference!

I agree. I would happily have a glass or two of wine with someone who is not drinking, makes no odds to me. I probably wouldn't have more than 2 though.