AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

[Unconvinced8768]

When my brother comes over to visit, maybe monthly he comes over for lunch or whatever, my 2 teen DDs join us for a bit but are usually off to their rooms by the time he leaves.
DB has a habit of saying ‘right I’m off I’ll just go and say bye to the girls’ and heads upstairs to say goodbye to them.

I would rather call the girls down than have him go to their bedrooms. I think it’s a bit weird and the girls don’t really like their uncle coming to their bedrooms either.

so AIBU to think it’s weird and how can I tell him to stop without causing offence?

Why is it weird? My DCs are close to their uncle, the 12 year old didn't see him the other week because she was at school and she was disappointed.
Do you let him go to the loo in your house? Does he never stay over?

Is your instinct saying that he has some weird sexual intentions? I would not see it as a big deal but there must be some reason why they feel so uncomfortable around him and so do you.

He’s their uncle! You obv have some reservations about him to even think like this!

"They're not little anymore, they're teens and they like to keep their bedrooms private/own space"

I think it is a bit odd, why doesn’t he just shout up and they can pop their head out?

I’d tell my kids to say ‘I’m going to bed now uncle James, see you next week’.

We don’t say goodnight to our own teenagers if their doors are closed. That’s our unspoken rule.

I woud be disappointed if Uncle did not want to say good bye.
If your girls don't wish him to visit them upstairs then they need to come down stairs or shut their door so they can come to the door when Uncle knocks.

Advise them better to come down stairs to say fairwell to a guest.

Really?

I think OP you are the one that’s weird. Would you feel differently if your guest was an aunt?
Tell your daughters if they don’t want relatives knocking on their door to say goodbye they should be coming downstairs. Basic manners really.

Is he some pervert or sexual predator and thats why youre concerned? If thats the case YANBU

Op, if you’re not happy then beat him to it and shout upstairs ‘kids, uncle is going, come and say bye’.

Just say they don’t like people in their bedrooms. Normal people wouldn’t take offence, so if he does, who cares. It would be very strange if he made a fuss and said he still wanted to go into their rooms. He can just shout that he’s leaving and they can say bye.

Why don’t you trust your own brother?

they’re not being rude and I don’t mind them going to their rooms after we have eaten etc.Its more that he just announces he’s off and goes up to their bedrooms before I get the chance to say I’ll call them down to say goodbye.

Maybe they would if he shouted to say he was leaving. How would they know to come downstairs because he is leaving if he doesn’t shout to them?

I’m really just trying to work out if it’s normal for extended family members to go to a teenagers bedroom to say goodbye or not.

The important bit here is that your daughter's don't like it - so just tell him now they are older their privacy is important to them and stop him going up. Make it clear it's not a "him" thing it would be the same with anyone!

I think you’re weird to suggest that it’s weird, but I think it’s more polite that your children would come down rather than him going up. I think you just need to get up when he is making moves to leave and shout to the children “Uncle John is leaving now! Come and say goodbye!” That’s what we’ve always done.

I get annoyed that my partner’s sisters do this too. The children have specifically said “please stop people coming into our rooms.” They very much see it as their privacy being invaded.

Yes really. If their door is closed we just walk past. If it’s open we pop in.

"" Wait a minute John, they prefer it if you just shout up, they like their privacy tbese days"
Have teens pre warned that they must be polite, and show tbeir face, for this to work.
Have the girls said they don't like it?

Surely he can just knock on their doors, stick his head in and say bye.

And if they are teenagers, they can ask him to do that themselves.

I don't think it's abnormal, but if you don't feel comfortable with it then say something.

Do your daughters dislike it, or do you have some concerns about your brother?

It’s crossing a privacy boundary and you are uncomfortable with it. That’s enough of a reason to stop him next time

Not in our family. People let them know they’re leaving and the kids choose whether to just shout bye to go down to say bye to them.