AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

[Unconvinced8768]

When my brother comes over to visit, maybe monthly he comes over for lunch or whatever, my 2 teen DDs join us for a bit but are usually off to their rooms by the time he leaves.
DB has a habit of saying ‘right I’m off I’ll just go and say bye to the girls’ and heads upstairs to say goodbye to them.

I would rather call the girls down than have him go to their bedrooms. I think it’s a bit weird and the girls don’t really like their uncle coming to their bedrooms either.

so AIBU to think it’s weird and how can I tell him to stop without causing offence?

Agree. He shouldn't be bounding into their bedroom. Please show your girls how to enforce boundaries with a man.

Yes, lots of posters would be fine with this, but your girls aren't, and that's all that matters

"Yes, lots of posters would be fine with this, but your girls aren't, and that's all that matters"

nailed it.

Presumably if they liked spending time with him, they would remain downstairs while he's visiting? The fact they retreat to their bedroom(s) suggests they're not too fussed, so why he then goes out of his way to say goodbye is frankly odd. Anyhoo, as others have said, I'd just shout up the stairs: 'Girls, uncle x is going now!'

Come on now. Do you actually want him in your life? He's completely trampling your boundaries, and I reckon he's on a big power trip with you in your own house. At the very least, he has no consideration for you. Unless there's some great desire on your part to keep this connection, put a stop to the visits.

Honestly, I'd be worried he might start inviting himself around to your daughters' houses one day, and burdening himself onto them if you don't nip this in the bud.

Stop allowing him near you or your girls.
You owe him nothing.

Your daughters are trying to tell you something.
Listen.

They don't want him near their room.
He's a creep that bullied you.

Why would you leave him near your girls.

It screams opportunist to me.

You are not being weird OP! It is their private space and he shouldn't even go upstairs without being invited.

You don't like this man so who cares if he's offended when you tell him not to? Actually that's even better. Don't let him bully your daughters and invade their private space.

He should just shout up see you later girls I'm off
Teen daughters bye Uncle Billy end of
Oh and they probably do the eye roll..

Does he knock and wait?

If he starts up the stairs shout to your girls, 'Uncle xxx is going now come say goodbye' It gives them the chance to meet him on the landing without him actually going into their room. Other than that just say, 'Whoa hang on I'll shout them down' when he get's up to leave.

I think the boundary should be drawn before this point and clearly. I understand that the OP has said that there is a downstairs loo so there is no reason for a visitor to go upstairs without permission.

If he was a terrible bully to you, would you rather not see him at all?

I wouldn’t like it either. They could be changing and it could be very awkward. I wouldn’t let it happen and would tell the brother not to go up as they like their private space. Easy.

I was abused by an uncle when he used to come in and say goodnight. I was much younger than your daughters. To the pp who asked how can you question your own brother this is exactly how they get away with it. Regardless he bullied you and he’s doing it now, reduce contact you owe him nothing. Agree with po who said he might start forcing himself on your daughters next, inviting himself round to their houses. Nip this in the bud.

YANBU, and honestly he shouldn't need a reason to respect it beyond "the girls would rather come down and say bye." That's a complete sentence on its own. If he questions it further, that's on him, not on you for not having a watertight explanation ready — you don't owe him a deeper justification, the same way you wouldn't need to explain to a guest why they can't wander into other rooms in your house. Some things don't need a debate, they just need respecting. Next time, just head him off with "I'll shout them down!" said breezily, and if he asks why, "it's just a thing now, they're private about their rooms" is more than enough.