I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

[DopamineDeficient]

About a month ago I went for an over 40s health check. The healthcare assistant who performed it was genuinely lovely and chatty and put me at ease, I remember leaving the appointment thinking he has a lovely bedside manner. During the conversation it came out that he is 27.

A month later I was in work and a friend request popped up and it was from the practitioner. I remembered his name and accepted.

About an hour later my DH asked me who this new guy was on my Facebook, I told him who it was and all hell broke lose.

Durning the course of the evening I fully accepted that I shouldn't have accepted, I was in the wrong, gave a genuine apology and deleted him. I explained I hadn't really given any thought to it beyond, oh yes I know who that is, accept and carry on with my day. However I can see how it looked to my husband and I was sorry for hurting him.

So far I guess I am unreasonable. However I don't necessarily think it was a huge deal and a conversation and an apology should have sufficed.

Now I have spent the last couple of years studying for a chartered qualification and my final exam result was due on Wednesday. We were so busy still arguing about this friend request that my husband didn't even ask me how I got on, wish me luck or acknowledge it was results day at all.

On Thursday he checked my phone to see if I had passed but still didn't mention it. Friday in amongst many emails still berating me for my terrible behaviour he finally emailed me to congratulate me on passing.

The weekend came and went and not a single mention in person of the massive thing I have achieved. He didn't even mentioned n it to his mum, (his mum is in the same field and has been very interested in my progress).

So my AIBU to be disappointed that a whole week later he is still arguing about this friend request to the extent that we haven't mentioned let alone celebrated my achievement?

I just feel very flat. I am not saying I wasn't in the wrong originally but I feel it was blown out of all proportion and totally ruined something that should have been a huge deal for me.

Your husband is a cock. What a ridiculous over reaction!!
congratulations on passing your exam!!!

What the fuck?

This isn't normal behaviour from your husband at all.
Do you have children?

Get those ducks lined up.

That is very silly of him. No one likes a sulk.

Is this diminishing your achievements a pattern of behaviour from him?

Holding on to bad feeling to make you feel bad when you make a mistake?

Agree with PP you DH is wrong.

Well done on exam.

I am slightly concerned though that a someone you have met in a medical setting is now trying to friend you in real life. That feels weird and unprofessional.

You weren’t unreasonable at all. Is your DH controlling in other ways? Does he insist you only have women on FB and as friends?! He sounds like a controlling sulky knob.

Congrats on your chartership success 🥂

He checks your phone and it only takes him an hour to notice yiu have a new FB friend?
He is controlling as fuck.
Run.

Very unprofessional of that HCP to friend request you. Very odd.

your husband is a tosser - congrats on passing your exam!

His reaction is so SO OTT. I’d be reconsidering the relationship.

Congrats on passing your exam!

Your husband is a massive arsehole. I refuse to believe he doesn’t do other equally shitty things on a regular basis.

Your DH doesn't have the right to stop you having friends on social media, that's really worrying.

Surely it's the health professional in the wrong for making a friend request with a client.

Your dh is massively overreacting if you have now apologised and deleted him.

Congratulations on passing your exam.

Well, the healthcare practitioner was wrong to send you the message - how unprofessional!
But your husbandd is nuts. Why is he monitoring your social media contacts, and checking your phone? My husband isn't even on social media - he has no idea who I contact and, frankly, it's none of his business.
Your husband needs to back off, because his behaviour is unacceptable.

Well done OP.

It definitely sounds as though your H is punishing you by undermining your achievement.

But I agree with @BlueMum16
that the medical professionals behaviour is worrying.

This - very odd indeed of the HCP!

Your H sounds as exhausting as 99% of the Hs on here

It's nuts. My husband wouldn't realise if I added a person to FB and he wouldn't care. It's FB!

Agree with all PP. First, you weren’t “wrong” to accept the friend request, second even if you were, your DH doesn’t get to punish you for your perceived misdemeanour as if he is in charge and you are the subordinate, third his jealousy and paranoia are out of control, fourth why is he checking your phone you aren’t a teenager, and fifth how dare he ruin your joy in your achievement and fail to celebrate your success. You deserve much better. Change your phone password and if he doesn’t like it, bad luck.

Sorry, your husband is checking your phone for friend requests and exam results?!

Get rid.

How would he even know you had a new Facebook “friend”? He sounds absolutely controlling and horrible.

Yep!

I’d be more worried about him realising you added a new friend. That’s not normal AT ALL.

The language you use in your original post shows that you've been conditioned to take the blame that your husband heaps on you without question. He's controlling and abusive.

He didn't check my phone for the friend request, I can see not pressume he checks how many friends I have regularly as any movement is queried.

In his opinion I have added a random man and allowed him into our marriage when I should be the gatekeeper to keep other men out. He says I have form for this, the problem is I don't know all the rules until I have broken one so I can fall foul of adding random men because they don't meet his requirements.

He has also convinced himself that the friend request moved bwyons a friend request and must have been messages and the fancy only possible reason this man could have requested me is because he fancied me and I must fancy him to have accepted.

There honestly wasn't any messaging and genuinely no that yght beyond oh yes that's the guy from the doctors, he was lovely, accept.

My husband made a complaint that my doctor on my behalf about this guy!! They rang me yesterday to confirm my husband has authority to speak on my behalf!! I said no he doesn't and I have no complaints at all.

I hope that you will feel able to go out and celebrate your great achievement with people who care about you. Your husband doesn't actually need to be there. . .

(Your new qualification will lead to a higher salary. Men don't always like that. You will have more opportunities, oh dear. And you accepted a friend request from a younger man! From your husband's pov - a near perfect storm.)

I think it's the other way round he found something quite small and unimportant, a new FB friend, and used it to undermine a significant achievement.

Just to add I also think the Health Care Professional is odd who does that? Surely even using a patients name to track them on social media is a data protection breach.