I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

[DopamineDeficient]

About a month ago I went for an over 40s health check. The healthcare assistant who performed it was genuinely lovely and chatty and put me at ease, I remember leaving the appointment thinking he has a lovely bedside manner. During the conversation it came out that he is 27.

A month later I was in work and a friend request popped up and it was from the practitioner. I remembered his name and accepted.

About an hour later my DH asked me who this new guy was on my Facebook, I told him who it was and all hell broke lose.

Durning the course of the evening I fully accepted that I shouldn't have accepted, I was in the wrong, gave a genuine apology and deleted him. I explained I hadn't really given any thought to it beyond, oh yes I know who that is, accept and carry on with my day. However I can see how it looked to my husband and I was sorry for hurting him.

So far I guess I am unreasonable. However I don't necessarily think it was a huge deal and a conversation and an apology should have sufficed.

Now I have spent the last couple of years studying for a chartered qualification and my final exam result was due on Wednesday. We were so busy still arguing about this friend request that my husband didn't even ask me how I got on, wish me luck or acknowledge it was results day at all.

On Thursday he checked my phone to see if I had passed but still didn't mention it. Friday in amongst many emails still berating me for my terrible behaviour he finally emailed me to congratulate me on passing.

The weekend came and went and not a single mention in person of the massive thing I have achieved. He didn't even mentioned n it to his mum, (his mum is in the same field and has been very interested in my progress).

So my AIBU to be disappointed that a whole week later he is still arguing about this friend request to the extent that we haven't mentioned let alone celebrated my achievement?

I just feel very flat. I am not saying I wasn't in the wrong originally but I feel it was blown out of all proportion and totally ruined something that should have been a huge deal for me.

@DopamineDeficient

Now, I have worked with a patient who had PMDD, she clearly also had undiagnosed ND, ASC at least, possibly ADHD too. She would leave her husband every month.

What worked for her was self care and compassion, permission to recharge, less pressure on herself. However crucially her husband didn’t seem like a controlling dick!!

Surely the biggest point gerw is that a medical professional tried to be a friend on FB. That's seriously unprofessional.

Omg abusive relationship much!
this guy is clearly abusive. I friend people on Facebook I have met briefly (men and women) and have never once thought of checking with my husband. He’d never dream of even mentioning it, or caring about it.
your husbands an arsehole and tbh I wouldn’t have lasted 5 minutes in a relationship with him.
listen to yourself, you’re saying you were in the wrong for adding someone to Facebook. Your husband has manipulated you and made you feel guilty over something that is NOT a big deal.
why are you with him?

Unless you’ve missed out a massive chunk of the story and you didn’t just accepts this guys friend request but also accepted some sort of fellatio request, your husband is completely mad.

*accept

Oh girl. Could one of your children help you?

Whatever the ethical rights and wrongs are of adding an HCP your DH is abusive and you really need to get out.
He has to ‘approve’ your friend requests and tells people because you have ADHD you can’t make rational decisions.

I work as an HCA, I would never give my number to a patient or request them on Facebook, it’s very unprofessional!

For an actual qualified nurse or doctor they can get struck off and / or lose their job.

Agree with everyone, the HW approach via FB is unprofessional but that’s a whole other issue. He’s inadvertently done the OP a favour as his behaviour has exposed the coercive control nature of the DH. Without him OP might never have posted on MN. OP, pursue the HW thing if necessary. (Ensure it is a real FB request and not an automated FB thing. There are lots of changes happening in Meta just now. The HW may be totally innocent if FB is tracking you and serving “contacts” as friend requests.) The big issue is the DH. That’s the priority. She should not get sidetracked from dealing with this issue which is urgent.

Nail on the head! 🙄
He's clearly totally envious and majorly annoyed by OP's achievement in that it further highlights his lack of and is using this petty, narrow minded control and general meanness to deflect the attention from her success to make her feel even more 'less than' that he obviously continuously tries to make her feel...Grrrrrrr!!! 😡
She did mention that she had tried to leave/divorce him previously but he had scuppered her attempts by devious means so I do feel worried that if she pushes for separation now he could easily turn even nastier and by the sound of it OP has some cognitive issues that undermine her confidence to stick up for herself...so many awful men are taking terrible advantage of vulnerable women and we read about it time after time on these posts...😢

Your husband is the one who is being unreasonable. My husband has no idea who I am friends with on social media and wouldn't dream of checking my phone for messages.
Your husband is a jealous bully. Honestly I would be questioning the relationship

The HCA shouldn't be sending patients friend requests. I would've reported him, not accepted. He's not a friend anyway!

You let your husband access your Facebook pages? No way would it be acceptable for mine to do that, let alone make a fuss about what he read there.

I get friend requests all the time. Whenever I ask see the person face to face and ask them about it they have no idea that I have contacted in this way. Op shouldn’t have accepted. I don’t think the chap did anything wrong necessarily

All these comments about the HCA and what he should or shouldn’t have done are irrelevant and smoke-screening.

The issue is the control exerted on OP by her husband. None of the actions of another person matter here. OP should feel free to engage with other people, in person or on social media, if she wants to. Being under such constant surveillance is not normal or reasonable.

OP. Your husband is abusive and controlling. You don’t have to endure it. You are allowed to make your own decisions about yourself and your life without any consequences or punishment.

I hope you find a way to make your own choices about what you want to do.