AIBU to think this school mum is out of order?

[Sassysangria2201]

Genuinely unsure if I’m being unreasonable on this.

DS has a close friend that he sees quite a bit of - they walk from home most days, frequent play dates etc.

Quick background. My DS has some social anxiety. It doesn’t impact his friendships; he has several friends, has and get asked for lots of play dates and parties etc. You wouldn’t know it to see him, but he really struggles to go places if there are kids he doesn’t know there. He’s had OT intervention in the past but it’s fairly well controlled if we use the right strategies. We are not in the UK.

Ive organised for my DS and his friend to attend a course for 2 days of the school hols.. It’s around his hobby, he’s excited to go and to have his friend there. The course is small, it’s open to the public but not advertised as they prefer smaller numbers due to the nature of the activity.

DD’s friends mum has signed up the DS of one of her friends, who is also friends with her son. My son doesn’t know him. Instead of going with his friend, he’ll now be part of a 3 with a random kid, who is a year older. I suspect he will be left out quite a bit as the other two get on well and the older boy can be a bit intense. Friends mum knows all about DS’s issues and that we are working on it.

AIBU on this? If it was a large course that was advertised I’d totally accept that is life. But I’ve chosen this course specifically as it’s small and suits DS’s current situation. The other child would never have known about it if friends mum hadn’t enrolled him. I personally would not invite another unknown child to something someone else had arranged - but am I being unreasonable?

Not in the least bit unreasonable of the school mum.

The fact your DS has anxiety issues is your concern. Not hers.

Did you pay for her child?

Sorry OP, i think in this circumstance you probably needed to be really specific with the other mum to say I want this just to be DS and his friend and don't tell anyone. She may have just mentioned in passing to the other mum, you just don't know. I am sorry it does sound tricky with DS. Could you invite this older boy round so he has met him i n advance ?

It’s a course open to anyone you can dictate who goes or who people interact with when there.

What an odd thing to be cross about? The course is presumably open to others or the friends child wouldn't have been able to get a place. It's not an exclusive invite only course so the other mum is absolutely fine to sign her child up.

I'm sure your son will still have a good time with both boys and the other children who are attending the course.

My DS has some social anxiety. It doesn’t impact his friendships; he has several friends, has and get asked for lots of play dates and parties etc. You wouldn’t know it to see him,

so how then heck was she meant to know!!!

Not unreasonable of her to book another on

Sorry - so you dont want anyone that is connected to your DS to go because it will cause him anxiety? And his anxiety is hidden? Do you realise how unreasonable you are being to OTHER children here? Why is your sons anxiety, her concern? Im confused and bemused at the same time.

You dont own the course

I can see why you are upset and I think I would be too in your situation but I also don’t think other mum would have thought about it as they don’t live in your shoes daily. They probably just said, little Frank is going to do X in the holidays and other mum said, oh sounds great can you send me the details as Fred would love that too. It’s then too awkward for her to say no, Frank is going with DS and he doesn’t like other people coming.

The OP actually says no one would even know her ds has anxiety!!

Completely unreasonable. You can't limit another child's social life.

She also says friends mum knows all about his issues and that they are working on it.

But the issues are anxiety that doesn’t impact at all on friendships

If the course is open for participation you are being unresonable.
Maybe your child will do fine? It's no an experience only for him and his friend but a group of children.

I don’t know how to quote only a part of the OP but it’s the last line of the second to last paragraph.

And now you’ve edited your post telling me I’ve made it up as you’ve seen it.

The key is how YOU respond to this news and convey to to your son.

Be positive, upbeat and encourage confidence.

Don’t reveal that you’re stewing over this @Sassysangria2201

As I said in my OP she is well aware of his issues and how we need to manage it

I would see this as a great opportunity to help your son learn to deal with unexpected social situations. It’s doing an activity he enjoys so hopefully that will help!

I think you need to change the narrative abit here with your son.
it’s not a bad thing, he will gain a new friend.
it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom, big it up.

my DS has been diagnosed with anxiety and I have to help change his mind shift with stuff like this.

It’s fine for you to be a bit annoyed at the situation.

Completely unreasonable to be annoyed at the Mum - she is in no way “out of order”.

Yes but ultimately your son is your business.

She paid for this course for her son or you did?

How old is your son?