How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

So what are the other reasons your DH doesn’t like you son?

That is rude, but that's entirely different. The other Adult.(now we know step parent.) was in another room the OP went to let them know they were home. The teen went upstairs to get changed and ready for their activity. Nothing wrong with that at all.

OP I'd just focus on the walking past people with no acknowledgement because that's pretty much universally rude. The expectation to do a sweep of the rooms on arriving home is odd to me personally.

The teen was just dropping in to get changed for an activity and going back out again. He’ll be coming home properly later and will see everyone at dinner surely? Is that not the occasion of family gathering, greeting and catching up with the day?

If I’m home and someone comes in I may call out hello if I’m free to do so and expect the same back. I don’t expect anyone to play hide and seek to find me - or to interrupt me when I’m busy.

This sounds like a tense, strained household where people look for reasons to snipe at each other.

But I honestly feel as though I’ve entered a parallel Mumsnet universe in this thread, where people entering a house search every room just in case there’s a silent person they can find to greet / interrupt with an announcement of their presence.

In my cultures it is considered rude. Children and young people are expected to greet adults regularly "good morning" good afternoon etc. They are taught this consistently from young. But it may not be rude in your culture and may be the norm so not something to worry about. Maybe the teen was just tired and many teens are socially awkward. I guess if you want to raise it with them be curious about why they didn't say hello and then gently ask if they could next time?

I feel this is rude, yet in many circles it seems to be accepted.

But he went upstairs so didn’t even cross the path of the other person? So why would he greet them? My teens are ships in the night, ones always in and the others always in and out. It’s not unusual that they don’t even see each other until late in the day let alone speak to one another other.

This! It takes two

How can it be rude not to say hello to someone that isn't there?

Bet it’s the step dad again he just walks by.

If anything the person already in the house should great those coming home.

Ask the other person (adult) to get up and greet the 14 yr old at the door. That's what I do when my children come home, make them feel welcome that way too.

Neither have I . There are always people on mumsnet making excuses for rude ignorant kids. I would have called him out. Its not good enough to make excuses. Common courtesy and manners are free. You arent expecting him to socalise with anyone. Just acknowledge them. Very rude.

When my stepson was younger he wouldn't look up from his playstation when I walked in the house (our front door opened straight into our living room). He was a bit younger than 14 though...and didn't like me

It would have been good manners to greet the other person but it seems a bit petty to get upset over this tbh.

Do you search the house looking for people to greet?

Not greeting someone standing right there is rude, but that’s as far as it goes. If anything stepdad should have come out of whatever room he was in to say hello as SS returned from school.

Why isn’t OP calling him out on that?

I’m guessing there is tension in the step-parent relationship as often seems to happen unfortunately.

Another poster here for who finds it odd that the onus should be on the person arriving home to go from room to room greeting those already home.
Is it perhaps a North American norm?
I remember when I was a sullen, self absorbed teen and mum would get home exhausted and I stopped going to greet her, help with bags, put the kettle on. I don't like to think of myself at that age! But I can't think @ChargingCharging that your 14 year old child is the rude one in the situation you describe. It feels like you're looking for reasons to criticise him, if I'm honest.

I don't recall any of my 14 year old friends ever being "knackered" after school. We couldn't wait to get home, get changed and meet up for fun! We never forgot our manners around adults.

Selective memory in action I'm sure.

How would I know. OP asked a question, I answered it. I am not about to go and answer made up questions just because you disagree with my answer.

You never came home and 30+ degree heat and just wanted to chill out?

I've just realised how often my mum would be gardening out front when we came home from school! It must've been her solution to the teenage greeting problem 😍

I agree with this

When i am standing in the kitchen and theybare trooping past to the garden and say hello but they ignore me because "shy" , rules of hospitality go out the window.

I am not asking them to track me down. I am expecting them to greet me in a mutual polite way when they see me.

God rhe bar is low. And it doesn't help these kids when they are out in the world and need to interact with people.

Bingo! You need to not let your anxieties about your partners opinion and your relationship with your partner cloud your judgement about your ds and let it get in the way of your mother son relationship.
Ask yourself whether you'd be here asking the same question if this partner of yours was the father of your ds. Would you worry the father would feel neglected or not respected? And the thing is the teen didn't do anything wrong anyway..
You must know in your heart that not trumpeting hello to everyone in the house going round room by room is normal behaviour. If he sees your partner then ignores him to his face completely even when he says hello is different. But that's not the case here.
Also. Teens are people too and they're allowed to be tired moody just like adults are. Especially home, where it is safest. You need to make sure that home still feels safe and a haven from the world where your son doesn't need to walk on eggshells. It's his home. He grew up with you and knows no other place. It's your partner who entered his home not the other way around.

Today yes! Never when I was a teenager.