How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

I don’t think the teenager was rude, you shouldn’t have to stand on ceremony in your own home. It would be different if they were actively blanking someone or being hostile, but not actively seeking them out to greet them is fine.

I find this odd. The person in the house hears people come in and calls out hello, surely? The new arrivals call hello back and may or may not go into the room to greet them further.

If the incumbent doesn’t call out hello, they’re the one being unsociable.

If an incomer doesn’t respond hello they’re being rude but they’re not obliged to go into the room.

In fact the only scenarios in which I understand the teen’s behaviour as rude are if the person in the room has come especially to see them and they know this, or if it’s a bed-bound relative always desperate for company.

If this is the worst behaviour you have to worry about… then OP you have no idea how lucky you are. This wouldn’t even register on my radar.

Definitely sounds like a new household member, a new partner? Step children? He has a right to be quiet in his own home if he doesn’t feel like greeting the household.

If me and teen walked in together I wouldn’t be overly bothered if I said hello and teen didn’t (to other members of household) if teen came in alone id expect a ‘hi’ if we had guests id expect them to stick their head round door and greet them.

Blimey. I was raised in a large family with violently enforced manners. Even I wouldn't have been told off (or hit) for not going into another room to greet whoever was there.

Are you supposed to check every room for someone to greet before getting on with your stuff?

In general, yes, people grow out of it.

I think DS' friends dislike me because I get a bit snarky if they dont' greet me when they come into the house. It is rude. I expect people coming in to greet all the people in the house. Doesn' thave to be a big deal, I'm not asking for hugs, kisses and "how are yous" all round, but it's just normal politeness. And if DS' friends think it's a bit much, so be it. Perhaps I'm teaching something they'll be grateful for in 20 years.

Rude.

Not

How I read it was they were in the hallway, OP had gone to say hello and the teen had not even shouted hello or popped their head in knowing someone was in there. That is rude.

Yes it's rude but... greater context matters too. Is this a general pattern of behaviour? Is there something specific about the other person your 14 year old doesn't like? Does the 'other household member' reach out to the teenager/how is their relationship generally etc etc? Teens a tricky time and teenagers often need more emotional support than they care to let on .

Quiet teenage rebellion coupled with social awkwardness. He will grow out of it with encouragement.

My teens aren’t always their usual
happy selves after school, often not very communicative until they’ve had a bit of time to decompress. I think that’s pretty standard for that age, I know mine aren’t rude generally and I could not make a big deal out of it.

Did the person in the living room shout out hello? Or were they just waiting for the teen to come to them to say hello and then leave again and go upstairs? It all sounds a bit tense… It would be a bit rude if they were in the same room. But otherwise I wouldn’t give it much thought… context is key here too. (I’m waiting for the OP to come back and say the other person is step dad who is hugely offended and banging on at the OP about how rude her DS is).

Extremely…you greet everyone in the home. As a child I was brought up to greet everyone in the morning and then when you come back or people who come in.

The person is a step parent - not a recent one. Does reach out to DS often. It is a pattern on behaviour in DS and I’m the one with the problem with it. I didn’t come back on yesterday because I was having a very long heart to heart with DS (which he instigated) last night before bed, was absolutely knackered and went straight to bed after, and today have been running around all day organising for DDs birthday.
I have read all the replies in moments when I’ve had time and I appreciate everybody’s input. Sorry for any frustration.

I’m a secondary school teacher. It’s very rude but very normal! I’d be offended 200 times a day if I didn’t force them to acknowledge my existence as they passed me.

Clearly something bigger is the issue

I think you got your YANBU and YABU poll terms mixed up.

Yabu to interrupt someone in the living room with your hello when you walk in.
Yabu to expect that everyone else would join in the interruption.

It's not rude to not say hi to everyone in your home, whether in the morning or any other time of day.

It’s rude but I’d forgive a 14 year old and hope it’s just hormones. I was at a friends house a few months ago about to go in her car with her to an event and her son arrived (24). He literally stood there speaking to his mother and never said hello. I was really shocked and at the fact his mother didn’t acknowledge his rudeness either

So it's a step dad - and you are caught in the middle.

Tell the other adult that you refuse to be the go between, and if the OH and DS want to talk about this together they can, but you refuse to play mediator or shoulder any of the mental load of this.

I voted yanbu but I can understand sometimes just wanting to rush off and be alone instead of getting into conversations. My DD 13 can be already upstairs and in her room when I come in. She will come down and say hello but not straight away

Another rule is "Don't shout through the house!" I still feel like a minor criminal if I do it.

I'd say popping his head in would be extra courteous, but we wouldn't have been required to do so.