How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

Is he doing household chores?

He's on the cusp of teenage years. It will just get much worse, and you will run yourself ragged trying to organise this in the next 16 - 25 years.

Tell him OP, before he is an adult without any social graces. It's just part of life.

Why is the teen the bad mannered person in this situation but the other person already in the house isn’t? It sounds like neither greeted the other

My daughter once came home from school and didn’t say hello to her Grandma who she adored. I gave her a stiff bollocking and it never happened again!
She remembers that day now,15 years later !

Not "basic manners" for the person sitting in the living room to say or call hello - or indeed get up and say hello - in your book then?

I think if it’s a visitor they have a connection with - eg/family member such as aunt, grandparents etc- then it’s quite rude not to say hello.

If it’s just a regular member of the household then there’s no need to say hello. You both came in the door so the person at home knew you were both back. No need for both of you to say hello.

Let’s reverse the tables though - let’s say the 14 yr old was at home. Mum and dad arrive home - mum goes into the living room, dad goes upstairs to use the toilet without saying hello first. Is the dad rude in this scenario?

I think it’s generally a good idea to know who’s home and who’s out, just from a safety point of view. If my DP went out with both DC and they arrived back, I wouldn’t expect all three to troop through and say hello.

Its just a degree of formality that would get wearing when you’re in your own home. Especially as you might go out and come back several times a day. Bonkers.

Exactly. The only person DS14 actively hunts down when he walks through the door after school is me because he wants me to make him some food!

I don't think the 14yo was rude.

they've come home, you've gone to say hello to 'other resident' and they've gone upstairs to do whatever.

It would have been different if the 14 year-old had gone into the room with the other person, but I don't think they should be expected to specifically go into another room to go and say hello to anyone else.

You were doing the 'letting them know there are other people in the house' bit.

If it was the child's other parent, I would expect them to call out. 'hi dad' (or whatever) but not actually go out of their way to go into the other room. A sibling, I wouldn't expect anything. I guess if it's a grandparent I'd probably get them to go and say hello to keep the peace if the grandparent isn't horrible to them.

So much of it is 'Just depends'

I would read the replies and just have a think yourself. I don't think the number of posters saying 'it's rude' means much, as people are only too willing to say that no matter what

Well they probably thought that the poor 14yo had the stresses of the world on their mind, like some of the posters here.

I agree, OP states it’s another household member and you can guarantee it’s not dad…

My brother was like this. He's a lovely adult though.

This to me is normal🌷

But OP says he has form for walking past people and ignoring them anyway so he’s clearly not over bothered by manners

He only seeks you out because he expects you to make him food when he comes in?

I'm team 14yo because it's never just Hello.

He'll go in to say Hello hoping to duck out again (and go to the toilet or wash his face or get a drink of water or decompress in some other way), but instead will get bombarded with questions and be expected to give the highlights of his day.

I teach teens this age. They are often exhausted after school and dont want to chat.

Is the "other household member" you, op? Are you sensitive when someone doesn't want to chat? Instead of asking "how was your day?" Try saying "hi, hope you've had a nice day" so there's no need to reply (beyond "hi you too")

I live among introverts (namely my dh and my dd) and they're very much like this. You've got to meet them halfway

I would I think the person already in the house would shout hello. I wfh and always shout hello to DH and DS when they come in.

A lot of PPs have missed the part of the OP that said it was a household member. It's not a visitor.

Oh my goodness, chill out people....

Why do they need to make an effort to come interrupt you just to say hello?

Your expectation is odd. Your teenager is being the opposite of rude.

Yeah and we are asking whether this must - be - acknowledged household member is a step parent/relative or new partner but no reply so far

I mean it's rude but it's also fairly standard for a teenager. I'm betting the family member is a dad who likes to make a big drama out of people being polite (probably doesn't apply those rules to himself though. Prefers to put the mum in the middle and insist on a big hoo hah about it). Personally I would only make a deal out of it if there was nothing else at all I was bothered about the teenager doing. Waste of a telling off IMO.

Well that’s why he seeks me out over and above his siblings, yes!

Do your teenagers not walk through the door starving, praying that their kind mother is going to whip them up something they could very easily make themselves??

If, by some miracle, their father was in the kitchen with post school meal in hand, I would bet my last pound that I wouldn’t see or hear from DS until he’d gobbled it down!

I don't see it as rude. Behaviour niceties/ tick boxes are not for close family. By all means, say hello, have a chat about your day etc. But sounds like DC didn't have time for that. A tick box 'hello' is of no use to anyone.

Behaviour niceties/ tick boxes are not for close family.

Yes, this is it.

Do you (general you) want to have the kind of close knit family where everyone is totally comfortable with each other? If so, then assume good intent and don't take offence at stuff that's not about you.

If you read the first two sentences of the OP, she entered the house with her teen and she went and greeted the "household member" while her son went upstairs to get changed for an after school activity.

The more the OP doesn't say who it is, the more it looks as though this "household member" is a recently moved in "partner" of the OP.

I think it’s rude based on the very limited information you’ve given OP, but to be sure I’d need to know more.

However, I’m wondering whether you are being deliberately vague here? Posters have asked for clarity but you’re avoiding giving it!

Who was the person in the living room?

Did the teenager know they were there?

Did the ‘mystery person’ call out a greeting to the teenager first (which was then ignored)?

Did the teenager acknowledge the mystery person once they came back downstairs?

Answering these questions will give you a more balanced feedback. But it seems you wish to sway it a certain way by avoiding 🤷‍♀️