How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

I'm the mother of teenagers, work full time outside the house (not a job that can be done in home office) and get home hours after them. My husband works from home.

I'm damned if I'm trooping into different rooms greeting people - I yell "hello" and they come downstairs to see if I've been to the shops on my way home to say hello or just yell hello back. We do eat together so sit around the table then.

I'm probably rude but I don't think it's the duty of the person only just arriving home after work or school to scurry around paying homage to the people who've been sitting on their arses for hours, who can't be bothered to drag themselves off the sofa to greet the person who has been working (school being the equivalent for a fourteen year old).

I think the household member in the living room was rude not to greet the person arriving home, not the other way around (unless they were unable to due to disability, frailty or breastfeeding a newborn).

If the 14 year old was a guest going upstairs to visit a friend they should have said hello to the parents mainly to let parents know they were in the house - but that's not relevant as they arrived with you.

100% this. In the great scheme of dealing with 14 year olds, this is incredibly minor. Pick your battles.

This is such a small thing, it wouldn't occur to me to fret.

The adult in the living room could try getting off their mardy arse and being friendly to model good behaviour?

Not rude at all.

Is anyone asking how rude it was of the person already in the house to not come out and welcome the 14 year old home? Make the effort to greet someone as they walk into the house ?

I am presuming this is someone who lives there? It would be different if it is an elderly relative who is visiting / arrived whilst they are at school, but assuming it is someone they live with, I wouldn't be bothered by this at all. Fairly normal in our house to go and put your things down, maybe get a drink or get changed before anyone expects anyone else to start being sociable.

I think it’s rude. Was it his gran or granddad ?
If gran, my children would know they couldn’t get away with a quick hi 😀
She’d have them there a while.
They’d be sorely tempted to run upstairs and not say hi but they wouldn’t do it to her. They know she adores them and would be gutted.

14 years old. not rude. normal

unless it's a grandparent or something, then they should say hello

Who is this mysterious person in the living room and how relevant are they to the child?

I mean if it was their rarely seen grandparents on a special visit they'd been informed of, then yes rude.

If a distant friend of yours they've never met then less so unless they were prepped 5 mins earlier.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily rude not to say hello to a sibling in those circumstances. I'd consider it rude not to greet a parent, grandparent or other adult in that scenario. His ignoring people when he walks past them, if it's the first time seeing them that day, is rude, but again, maybe not a sibling.

Actually reading the thread now - it's mum's partner who's trying to be the Big Man and exert authority isn't it?

This won't end well if so.

Tell him (your boyfriend) he's overstepping.

This - assuming the other person is an adult they could make the effort first! Teens feel so awkward and are usually fairly self-centred anyway. If the other person finds it rude, they should think about the fact they’re doing literally the same thing themselves.

It’s perfectly normal stage of Teen development not to acknowledge other people. I’m sure when he’s older, he’ll go back to being perfectly pleasant again. They usually do.

I’ve got older adult DS’s and a 17yr old DS so speak from experience. About mid 20’s is when they seem like proper adults to me. 😂

It's rude. Address it when they're 14 or they'll just end up a rude adult like my son's partner who will happily not greet people whether they walk into your house or you into there's. Poorly raised.

This in other words. Plus as I said the person in the living room has presumably been sitting about in comfort, with everything they need, while the teenager has just walked in from school and has an after school activity to get changed for.

Mine do/did this depending on what havoc their hormones were causing at the time.

If the kid isnt a knob all the time and they're polite to friends etc id put it down to teen moods, no big deal (at this stage).

Think it depends on circumstance.

some days I walk into the house and yell a hello to my ds (21).

Some days I walk in and do an odd job and then say Hi as I walk past where he is.

Some days he shouts out a hello how was your day as I walk him and some days he’s doing something and will come and say hello after a minute or 2.

So walking in and going upstairs to change isn’t a major deal to me. But I would expect them to come down and say a hello before going out again.

It would be rude to walk into the room and not say hi or pass someone in the hallway but in your scenario your DS did not go into that room where the other person was so, imo he did nothing wrong at all.

I would also thing the person in the room could have called out to your DS in the hallway and said hi, good day at school ?

This is a some households vary in expectations thing. We don’t generally greet everyone in this house because usually we’re working from home so we don’t want the kids to interrupt to announce their arrival.

Typical teenager.

I wouldn't worry about it but you should pull him up on it.

X

Haven't read anything saying it's the OP's boyfriend though?
It's rude generally but if it's another parent & the teen is nipping up to change & then pops down again to say hello then that's ok. Some teens are quite shy & if there are visitors doesn't always feel comfortable having attention on them.
Worse than that is if someone says hello and they completely ignore them. My neighbours dcs do that. They are primary school age. They just stare at you and the parents don't tell them to say hello. Now that's really rude.

If they saw people they knew and didn’t say hello or smile then yes it’s rude. But if they didn’t see them and just followed their routine e.g going straight upstairs to get changed and get stuff ready for an activity then no, it’s not rude.

Grandparents that are actually quite nice, it wouldn't hurt to remember to say hello unless the day has been spectacularly shit or busy, actual parent who is nice, should probably do it but but the day could have been too much - Mum's boyfriend lounging on the couch and bitching that he's the Man of the House and deserves respect and if DS can't do that, he should fuck off to live with his father? Fuck off.

I don’t think it’s particularly rude if the other person is someone who lives in the house.

DS14 will often run into the house and straight upstairs to the loo or to get changed without saying hi to me or anyone else if we’re in different rooms.

He will generally shout bye as he’s leaving again.

If I had told him there was a visitor in the sitting room, then he would definitely pop his head in and say hi. But not if it was just his dad or sibling.

In our house when someone comes home people in the house stop what they are doing, if they can, and come into the hall to greet the person/people coming home. In our minds it shows how important that person is to you. This was drilled into my children when Dh, their Dad, came home from work. He is more important than computer games etc as he is the one paying for those computer games.

I think it is rude to not acknowledge other people in the house. When mine get up in the morning if they come downstairs and know someone is in the lounge they will pop their head in to say good morning. We always hug when someone is leaving the house and to say goodnight. I have two adult sons, we still do all this, that includes Dh getting some lovely hugs in with his boys.

I think it is weird that you are only picking at the 14 year old, what about the other person in the lounge not shouting through hello or getting off their arse to come and say hello?

Ummm No? It's coming down on the YANBU = not being rude side

This!