How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

Is this recent or has he always been like this?

This was the beginning of massive heartache for me. It started without a hello, now there is no contact atall. We spoke about it many times and their reply to why dont they acknowledge me, was because they didn't want to

Very rude. Doesn't matter if they are 14 or 40. Basic manners.

It’s rude and ignorant. If a 14 yo can’t be bothered to acknowledge someone else in the house, it’s pretty poor manners.

As for being tired, it was a day at school, not a boot camp. It’s a thing with certain kinds of ‘boy mums’ though that teenage boys aren’t held to a certain particularly high standard.

Is it someone who would buy him presents (ie an aunt or close family friend)? If so, I presume he would be happy for that person to ignore him going forward.

Because @ChargingCharging hasn't said who this mysterious person is, I am going to fill in the gaps myself. It was Gandalf wasn't it? And if your 14-year old had entered the room he would have been entrusted with a life-changing quest that would change his whole life...

... but as it was, he dumped his bag, went upstairs, had a wee, changed his clothes and went out to his after school activity. At least you won't have to deal with Sauron hitting him up on Snapchat with goady posts.

I firmly believe any member of the household should give a quick shout when arriving and leaving the home. Doesn’t have to be a conversation, doesn’t have to be a visit to occupied rooms, just a quick
“alright” or “I’m off now” just to let the rest of the household know who’s home/out.

My eldest would sneak down the stairs and silently leave, and likewise would sneak home and silently go to his bedroom. It used to unnerve me not knowing who was home, I left the home unsecured multiple times thinking he was home, and locked him out plenty not knowing he was out. I did have a word and eventually he’d mumble a greeting.

So it’s not extremely rude but it’s nice to know if you’re alone or not and can run around starkers or not lol.

It depends who the person in the other room is - a sibling = not rude , a grandparent =rude

Unless person in living room is a grandparent or other close relative that 14yo was aware was visiting and actively ignoring, and after a “have you said hi to grandad/aunty Susan” still ignored it’s not rude. It’s just teenage behaviour.

Some grips need to be got on this thread, honestly. The other day I didn’t realise one of my kids was home from school for a whole hour because he’d not said anything to anyone 🤣

Completely agree with this. The person in the house could’ve easily shouted a greeting too but it doesn’t seem like they did either.

On a side note I don’t usually shout hi when I walk through the door. It drives me insane. I greet people as I pass them through the house.

No op, not everyone is saying it's rude. Depends on who. Close family members, or a neighbour or family friend. Who? I bet there's a step family, new partner etc situation involved here and someone who wants to be right. Please prove me wrong.

Well it is rude but not unusual behaviour for a teenager

Teen didn’t say hello. Teen said nothing at all

OP said it was another household member. All those saying it was rude, do your teenagers really go around greeting everyone in the house they live with each and every time they walk through the door???

So come home, go into sitting room to say hi to dad, then into the kitchen to say hi to mum, then into sibling’s bedroom to say hi to them, all before sorting themselves out? Madness.

Is it someone who lives in the house or a visitor? If the latter I would say perhaps a little rude but I wouldn’t get worked up if it’s just someone in the house - don’t think we got a word out of my brother between the ages of 13 and 16 and I wouldn’t expect my children to go out of their way to greet everyone in the house when they come home

No, to be fair the OP hasn't said that, but it occurred to me after I wrote my first response (about how when I get home from work I don't go room to room greeting and tugging my forelock to everyone else lounging around on screens, having been home for hours/ finished work without a commute and already had an hour in front of the TV - they usually come into the hall and say hello to me, but if not they shout hello).

Reading other people's questions to the OP after writing my first response made me think that this is a newly moved in "partner" hiding low self esteem behind an enlarged ego and demanding he be paid respect. Which is always a bad thing for a mother's teenage child and something she needs to have her child's back about.

Over active imagination hopefully - the questions others were asking and OP was deliberately ignoring made me think that. She'd surely have said if it was someone else.

And sadly it hasn’t been ‘drummed into him’ enough if he knows he can behave like that without consequence

At 14 they’re in their own world. There’s so much going on for them and for them to remember to do at that age, juggling school days, extra curricular stuff, wide friendship circle, peers, parents. It’s a lot.
Who is really that bothered about a quick hello anyway.

How is acknowledging someone’s existence ‘tugging his forelock’? Head round the door, ‘hi how are you’ , a smile and then get on with his business.

She's asking whether the mysterious person in the living room bothered shouting hello to the teenager. Or did they sit on the sofa like the queen on her throne waiting for the teen to pay them his respects?

14 not 44 with a mortgage and responsibilities! Just because a teenager is self absorbed, that doesn’t make lack of manners justifiable

Exactly. Mine comes in straight to get snacks says hey to whomever is there but doesn't go round the house trumpeting why hello dear brother, why hello my father etc if there's someone unexpected may or may not realise they're there in which case the unexpected body would smile and say hi to wake him up. Noone would be going "why don't you dare not acknowledge my existence youuuu" I'm really baffled at mn sometimes

Do you always see basic manners as being subservient? How odd.

"Reading other people's questions to the OP after writing my first response made me think that this is a newly moved in "partner" hiding low self esteem behind an enlarged ego and demanding he be paid respect. Which is always a bad thing for a mother's teenage child and something she needs to have her child's back about."

Yep my suspicion exactly. Who is that op?

Why didn't the person in the living room shout hello?

Only children and women get told to put in all the effort, be the one to smile and be nice first.

The kid had been out all day, just got in to get changed and go back out - the person in the living room was the one with time on their hands.

I guess it depends on how big your family is and how busy your household is but I find this insane (to me). People are in and out of our house constantly! No one needs a meet and greet because they popped to the Tesco Express or went round to their mates house for an hour. We would all live in the hallway (like the cats, who think everyone who comes to the front door is going to feed them, including the Ocado delivery person 🤣)