How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

It’s such a minor issue I can’t believe you posted on MN about it.

My sisters are here a lot. Friends, neighbours, my children don’t always say hello. In fact DS rarely would. He is rude and grumpy thiugh.

I had no idea this was rude until reading f this thread and I'm 35. Oops

I really don't think it's rude. The other person was in a different room that was out of the way and you all live there so it is household coming and going. If you pass the family member then you greet/acknowledge them immediately. Same for when guests come to the house that are nothing to do with you, like a siblings friend. Living together is more like pausing a conversation rather than formally stop/starting it. They will eventually come together whilst mooching around or at dinner time, and then say hello.

Possibly rude if it was live-in Grandma or Grandpa, otherwise not rude at all.

It is rude but unless a non-family member is in the house, I'd let it go. The 14-year old won't be 14 for ever.

Do they? My SIL is nearly 40 and still can't manage to say hello even when a visitor has travelled hours to visit. He can't even manage to say good morning to his own child. He was dragged up not brought up.
Maybe he will change by the time he is 60.

Presume teen left the house about half 7 am and had a long day. I'd cut them slack on mood when walking back in.

What can I say maybe I’m just trying to stay at the blissfully unaware naive end of my parenting journey for as long as I can 😅

Lol my 2 year old loved helping me sort the washing. Not so much at 14.

Now does his own at 20.

If the person was in another room and teen went straight upstairs, how was teen even meant to know the person was there , let alone take a diversion to say hello?

New partner was more thought too - insecure male trying to assert his dominance. Hopefully not though.

I assumed it was this if it wasn't op as a reverse.

If it's someone who lives at home and doesn't go out much, they're more likely to be lonely and want a proper chat. That's not what the 14yo wants. If the Hello could be just a brief hello, he'd be more likely to say it

It’s rude yes……. But I was the same at that age, it’s a teenage thing

Trying to enjoy it as much as possible now while he’s little and cute!

Hard agree, as someone who also works in a secondary school and is a teen parent. One person said before that it was school, not a ‘boot camp’ - but unfortunately, that’s exactly how a lot of schools, especially academy MATs are run these days - schools have changed considerably since most posters were at secondary school in the 90s or 00s ( or 80s, like me): 30m lunches, not allowed to the toilet in lessons, detentions for being 2m late to lessons when you’ve crossed a large site to get to a classroom … I know I need to decompress after a day at work and a 45m commute across a city before engaging in family activities - but I’m an adult and understand social niceties. Given the state of the toilets in most secondary schools and the dash for buses/ the school run car gridlock at close of play, that’s probably where he was headed!

As many have said, if it were a visitor or a grandparent then DS should have stuck his head round the door and said hello, if you’d told them they were there - it sounds like you picked them up from school. But if it were someone who lives there then I can see why he didn’t - I was barely on speaking terms with my siblings as a teen! With helpful adult modelling of the social niceties and gentle prompts, I doubt he’ll be doing it when he’s 18. Pick your battles with 14 year olds and don’t expect them to behave like sunny-natured, pre-pubescent under -10s or adults who aren’t dealing with the maelstrom of adolescence and its mood-swings. Yr 9/10 is peak ‘difficult teenager’ and communication by grunt or not at all.

Ahaha I laughed at this, remembered when I taught my now teenager boy to say "how do you do" then he'd go around the house saying hoodydoo to everyone including the cat and all his teddys. I think the mystery person's expecting the same from the teenager in op's scenario 🤣 op seems to have run away btw.

So lonely person expects the 14yo to be a support human , but hasn’t the ability to say hello themselves? I would expect the op to have said they were bed care and non verbal in the Op…

Well my point was that the 14yo has a right not to want to have a lengthy chat when coming into his own home.

It's never just Hello, with people who say "why didn't you just say hello?"

completely agree! It’s never just a hello

Very very rude

If they were in the same room it's rude.

But they weren't.

Do people really do a sweep of the house making sure they say hello to everyone when they return home?

Household member in the living room was the rude one if anyone…should have come out to say hello when people arrive home if they expect a general moment of greeting. Or at least shouted hello if they were busy. The people arriving are dealing with their own stuff, bringing in bags, taking off shoes or whatever so can be excused having to immediately find all household members and greet them.

Given that the OP admits he walks straight past people and ignores them, I wouldn’t put money on him suddenly turning into someone with good manners when he’s 18

Come on @ChargingCharging

Why not engage with your own thread ?
As @CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard said a couple of pages back, why not answer people's questions as more information will influence their answers.