How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

I do think it’s rude and really basic manners, my son is two and knows that when he walks into a room he says hello to everyone in the room. Helps that he’s super friendly anyway but I’m hoping it will just be ingrained in him by the time he’s older if he’s started doing it already

If it was another member of the family, I wouldn’t find that rude - they’ll presumably come down for dinner and see them. It’s a teenager - they have their own priorities that rarely include small talk with siblings or parents. Especially when they see them every day.

If it was a visitor, it could be considered rude (like an aunt or grandparent or something). If it’s just a friend of the parents or some other randomer, then I wouldn’t expect them to come in at all. That person isn’t there to see them.

You’ve not given us enough to go on, OP, to make a considered response. Edited to remove this as you did say it was a household member. So no, your 14yo wasn’t rude. Bit weird and performative to specifically enter a room to say hi to someone you see every single day - just go upstairs and get changed 😂

Wow - I’d never really thought about all these unspoken rules I’ve constructed around personal relationships that will have been moulded by my upbringing and personality 😂

There's always one...

This used to be me. My parents and teachers. used to say I was so rude, would avoid talking to people, avoid eye contact, look down if forced to talk. Anyway, I’m autistic and have severe social issues.

I am not saying your child is autistic at all, but for some socialising is quite difficult and doesn’t come naturally. Yes it is perceived as rude but a gentle prompt might be all it needs.

This, why are you being evasive about who 14yo is? And who the living room person was?

Yes I read it, but I wondered if it was some flavour of reverse where op is the aggrieved household member. Why else start the thread about such a non event?

I'm team 14yo son.

Dh and I have opposite expectations are d arriving home and greetings.

My instinct is that the person at home, should welcome the arriving person, ideally by getting up and going to the door, but at least by shouting out a welcome.

Dh hates being “ambushed” in the hall and likes to get his coat off, his bag put away and then he’ll come and say hello around the house.

No one is really right or wrong here, it’s just a difference of expectations, and I’ve found it takes less energy to go find him when I get home than be offended I wasn’t welcomed.

What strikes me as odd here is that neither ds nor the mysterious householder, greeted each other. I don’t think either gets to be offended tbh.

Anyway 14 year olds have heads full of cotton wool. Their brains are requiring in real time and they lose information they’ve known since childhood (where do we keep the ketchup mum?) so you just have to keep up the gentle reminders in the hope they’ll eventually stick.

And does he say hello to people that are not there as well? Because that's what happened with the OP. Her 14 year old walked upstairs, he never actually encountered the mystery household member in a complete different room!

Do you have more than one child? If/when you do, you might learn that being "super friendly" is innate personality, and nothing to congratulate yourself about.

There are pros and cons to extraversion, it's not unequivocally better.

Good point! Should we all be doing a full room sweep everytime we enter our home to see if there’s people we need to greet?

We're on the same team - but in answer to why start the thread about such a nin event, I suspect because the OP's boyfriend won't let the imagined disrespect go and is demanding the OP make he son apologise.

I don’t expect my children to wonder around the house finding people to say hello to. Nope.

Mostly when they get home it’s only me here anyway dh works longer hours.

The youngest gets in says hi to me dumps her lunch box and goes to get changed.

The two teens run up stairs from the front door and likely wont be back down till dinner by the time they have showered, changed and chilled a bit. Then I’ll be bombarded with words. So many words.

Sometimes I’ll shout I hope that’s child and not a burglar and they will shout back some type of burglar joke.

Though if they knew nanny was on the sofa they would probably sneak in like a silent ninja or stay out longer till she left 😅

Another silly thread missing the all important context.

OP unless you tell us more we don’t have a clue if the teen was rude or not.

i think OPs do this so they can swing the replies their way when actually with more detail most would be against the OP opinion

I wonder how the person responding to you felt while escaping over the alps...because I am assuming they were one of the von trapp children

I feel like all the people saying it’s rude have never been a parent of a 14yo before. It’s standard behaviour.

Oh I’ve clearly skimmed the thread and missed that part, and no he most definitely doesn’t do that! That’s a massively different take then

Why won't you say who it was?

Unless it's a new partner who your teen doesn't like and you want to make him put up with someone you've brought into his home.

It depends on who the family member is too. Did they even know that the person was there? Do they live there? Obviously this person has said they were rude.

That sounds pretty par for the course for teens. A visitor I’d expect them to greet but not a family member

The mystery person is definitely a step parent (who perhaps has fairly recently moved in) and is giving it the whole, "He's so rude. He should have some manners. You need to have a word," about the teenager and trying to drive a wedge between the mother and her son because he is jealous.

Teenager is 14. By definition, they are self centred and it sounds like it was a busy time. If mystery household member (step father) had said hi and tried to strike up a conversation which had been ignored, that would be rude. Teenager, in a rush, just cracking on with life in his own home is not rude.

You need to back your teenager. He will not forget. He will always be your child.

But who is this person? If the teen won't say hello perhaps they are upset or angry with the person? There is probably a back story.

I agree with others that more context is needed

if it’s your just moved in new man , I would expect that

if it’s someone who has been unpleasant in the past to the child - your father too rough for example , again I’d be with the child

if it’s the younger sibling or his dad I’d expect them to say hello

Well I’ve got 3 teens and this sounds totally normal to me. No they don’t have mortgages 🙄but being 14 is often hard work - school today is such an assault on the senses (btw I work in a school), they have lots of demands adults don’t always see or recognise, brains still developing etc.
My 3 are in and out alot - if I’m there and actually see them we’ll always greet each other and maybe have a hug. If I’m not right there when they come in they might come and find me, they might not. They are well adjusted, polite people generally 😁

In this situation if this was a family member in the other room I can’t see what all the fuss is about. Give your teen a break and pick your battles. If it was a guest I’ll call up to teen & say ‘X is here, come and say hello!’ and later ask them to say hello next time a guest is visiting.

This is cute - as if teens who are a bit grumpy weren't also once cheery toddlers who had good habits 'ingrained' by their parents!

I laughed at that post too but didn’t respond.
Trust me a 14 year old will be very different than a friendly two year old.
You wonder if they were ever the same person.