How bad is it for a 14 yo not to say hello to someone when they walk into the house?

[ChargingCharging]

14 yo walks into house with me after school. I go into living room and say loudly ‘hello’ to another household member who is in the living room. Teenager is in hall way at this point hanging up his bag etc.
Teen walks upstairs to get changed for an afterschool activity and doesn’t pop his head around the door to say hello.
Teen has a habit of not acknowledging people - even when he walks right past them and it is something that has been drummed into him that it is basic politeness to say hello if you pass someone for the first time that day, or when you get back, or if you go into a room and they’re there.

YABU - it’s rude and unacceptable not to pop head in to say hello when it’s clear someone’s in there as I’m talking to them.

YANBU - it’s not rude since he wasn’t in the room and was distracted with what he was doing.

It is rude but they are 14, they’ll grow out of it.

Its little things like this that really piss me off I just find it so rude and such a simple thing to do

Good point about interruption.

I'm getting visions of an all-day version of the Waltons' good-night ritual! It bothered me that they woke the little one up to say good night ... Should everyone in the living room halt what they're doing for a greeting routine (and how long does it go on)? Maybe new arrivals should spuriously announce their presence with no expectation of reply - very rude indeed.

I get that there's more going on here. At least, I hope so, as OP doesn't seem to have thought this through much.

Really not a big deal. I wouldn't expect everyone entering a house to say hello to everyone who was already there. He was in the hall, not the room where the other person was. Maybe if it is a visiting relative who he doesn't see all that often, but not another household member who presumably he has seen recently.

I knew it would be a stepdad from the OP. And it's a hard one.

We are just complicated monkeys and men and soon-to-be-men struggle with each other. Especially unrelated ones forced to live together. My advice is to pick your battles very carefully. And with a long term focus.

Why didn't the other household member call out hello if they were so keen to have some contact? Then it would be rude if heard and ignored. If they sat there waiting for a greeting without saying anything then complained afterwards they they are definitely being unreasonable.

It's rude but DS 14 generally runs upstairs and turns his PS5 on when he gets in.

It’s not rude imho. It’s their home. There is no etiquette saying you must go room by room in your home and say goodbye or hello to every household member upon coming or going. If the person in the living room wanted to see the child, they should have got off their arse and gone to the hallway to say hello or called out to them if they are incapacitated.

Why isn’t it step parent popping head out, and if he doesn’t he’s rude?

What? My kids wouldn’t say hi to each other. I think it’s rude if it’s a visitor or a grandparent.

I mean it’s rude by the standards of an adult but equally it’s also normal for a teenager to do. My 14 year old DS comes in and flops down for a while most of the time and you don’t get a lot out of him for a while. That’s fine, it’s normal. He’s just come in from school, he’s probably tired and 3 of 5 days he’s going back out to do something.

It is a pet hate of mine when teens (and some DHs!) walk into a room and don't greet people.

But i think not going into the room in the first pace is different.

I also think if it was the other person in the room that has made the fuss, they are a bit of a stirrer.

I thought this too.

Thought it was a step parent. So the step parent doesn't have an issue with the behaviour - you do? Why? Your partner is someone you choose, your son has no say in this unrelated man living with him - all you'll get out of trying to force a closer relationship is pushing your son away. And not popping his head in to say hello isn't rude.

Couldn't have said it better @CypressGrove

The son is 14. Old enough to decide who to talk to and when.

If it’s a member of immediate family I wouldn’t consider it rude as they’ll see them later. You don’t have to go out of your way to constantly greet people you live with.

I think it seems more awkward to you because it’s a step-parent, but I think it’s your issue tbh. What your teen is doing is quite normal.

If the person lives in the house with you and DS, I wouldn't necessarily expect DS to go into another room and say hello to them (but norms differ by household; some families do routinely check in with each other when someone arrives home). I wouldn't necessarily expect DS to say hello even if he walked through the room, if it looked like the other person was busy, concentrating, reading, on the phone, etc. If DS was in the room with the other person or person walked past them in the hallway and DS ignored them when they said hello, that would be rude. I don't think I'd make an issue of it though, as long as the other household member isn't bothered and you're sure he knows how to interact with people in more formal situations and isn't trying to be contrary by ostentatiously ignoring basic manners.

Im firmly of the belief we should raise our kids right. Saying hello when you walk into the house or room is the minimum expectation. If you allow and excuse that behaviour then as normal whats next. Later people say my teen treats me like this and I dont know what to do, or my teen doesn't listen to me and does what they want. I think it starts with the small things. Basic manners should be the expectation as a minimum otherwise you are inviting them to be disrespectful to you in other ways.

I would have guessed at it being DF and that he had an issue with it. If it’s you who has an issue are you sure it isn’t because you’re more concerned with the possibility of Step parent feeling like it’s rude and as it’s not their child anything like that has the potential to be a strike against DC in a way that is just different to your own DC?

If it’s rude for DC not to seek out someone when they get home why isn’t the reverse also true - step parent seeking out DS when he gets home to say hello. Should step parent be jumping up and greeting at the door?

Rules of hospitality say that you should go say hello to visitors (and offer refreshment) not expect them to come and find you somewhere

It’s ill mannered. Tiredness is no excuse - a school day isn’t a day down the mines 🙄

I used to pull my kids up if they were rude.

It is rude and also entirely par for the course for a teenager. I would continue to remind them of the expected behaviour, but not necessarily expect it to happen until they've grown up a bit. The teenage years was a really hard stage for our family.. However out of an unpromising lumps of grunting stupidity emerged some beautiful, hardworking and kind young people.

So it is the partner of @ChargingCharging (step parent of the 14yo). How long has he been living with you? What has the relationship been like up to now? Has anything happened that would cause a shift in that relationship? What did your DS share with you in his heart-to-heart; is everything all out in the open now?

We just want our children to be happy don't we. I agree with PP about us being over complicated monkeys!

He doesn't need to grow out of it.

You don't need to go around the house finding everybody who might be home to say hello to them

The OP went to the other person to let them know that they were home that's more than enough

It's not ill mannered not to go around the house finding everybody that's Home to say hello to them

It's ill mannered if you go into the room they're in and don't say hello