My wife wants to do a couples-style photoshoot with another male model, and I’m struggling with my feelings. Am I being insecure?

[Tomhos]

This is a complicated situation, so I’ll try my best to explain everything without making it too long.

I'm 45 year older man and my wife is also 45. We have three kids, all teenagers now. After years of raising children and putting most of our energy into parenting, my wife finally has a bit more freedom to focus on herself again.

About a year ago, she started going to the gym, changed her lifestyle, lost weight, and got back into shape. I'm genuinely happy for her because I’ve seen how much confidence it has given her. She feels like she is finding herself again after spending so many years being “mom” first.

For the last 3–4 years, she has talked about wanting to do a boudoir photoshoot for herself. We discussed it a couple of times, but nothing ever happened. It was more of an idea than an actual plan.

My wife is good friends with a professional photographer named Claire She is in her Mid 50s. Claire is extremely talented and has photographed our family many times. She did our wedding photos, baby photos, and family pictures, and because of their friendship, we have always received very generous discounts. She is someone we trust.

A little over a week ago, Claire came to us with an idea for a photography project she is working on for her portfolio and a company.
The concept is about two people in their mid-40s finding love again after losing their spouses. For the project, she wanted my wife to model as one of the people in this story. The shoot would involve my wife wearing a wedding dress, being photographed outdoors (possibly vineyards or scenic locations), and doing normal couple-style poses with a male model who would play the “new husband” character.

There would also be some indoor shots in a hotel suite, still keeping the theme of a newly married couple. Claire described it as romantic, emotional, and.storytelling-focused, with some poses that couples normally do in wedding photography.

She also brought up the idea of doing a separate boudoir photoshoot with my wife in her studio. That one would be completely private and only for my wife herself. It would not be published anywhere.

The wedding-themed photos, however, would be different. Some would appear on Claire’s website and some would be used for the company project.

At first, my wife was hesitant. She worried about people she knows seeing the pictures, what friends and family might think, and whether it could affect her professionally. But after thinking about it, she started feeling proud of herself. She feels like she has worked hard, regained confidence, and wants to celebrate that.

She asked me what I thought. I told her I needed some time because I honestly don’t know how I feel. The private boudoir photoshoot didn’t bother me much. It’s something she wants to do for herself, and I trust her completely. But the wedding photoshoot with another man is where I started feeling uncomfortable.

I know logically it’s just photography. I know it’s a professional model, a professional photographer, and there is no romantic intention behind it.

But emotionally, something about seeing my wife dressed as a bride next to another man, doing couple poses, made me feel uneasy. I can’t even explain it properly. It’s not anger, jealousy, or thinking she would do something wrong. It’s just this weird feeling in my stomach that I can’t shake.

Claire recently sent us the male model’s profile. He is also around his late 40s, a professional model, and honestly a very good-looking guy. He’s fit, has a great physique, and looks confident.

And I hate admitting this, but seeing that made me feel even more uncomfortable.
I feel a little ridiculous because I know this is just a photoshoot. My wife loves me, we have built a life together, and there is no reason to distrust her.

At the same time, I don’t want to ignore my feelings either. I want to support her confidence and not make this about my insecurity.

So I’m asking for outside perspectives

Am I being unreasonable here? Is this just normal jealousy that I need to work through? Or is it fair for me to feel uncomfortable with my wife publicly doing a romantic-style photoshoot with another man?

I want to handle this in a mature way because the last thing I want is for my wife to feel like I’m holding her back after she has finally started feeling good about herself again.

This is now clearly a fake post. OP has gone from "I dont like the idea of my wife hugging up to an attractive male model" all the way to "No, actually the bedroom photos are completely fine and classy, because although she'll be writhing around on a bed undressed, she'll have nipple pasties on!!" Because in his mind, x2 skin tone 2" stickers means she isn't nude. 😆

My money's on someone having a cuck festish writing this for a bit of free mumsnet smut.

To give credit to the op, he is not trying to veto the shoot, he has come on here asking for opinions and advice because he is worried. That doesn’t mean is is a jealous control freak. He has already said he will let his wife make the decision.

As has been stated by others, his wife isn’t going to up and leave to be with the male model. There are also concerns that as they are a married couple, it may seem a bit strange that his wife has photos taken with another man that appear to show her romping about naked with that man. I feel the op is worried about who will see those photos and what they will think. I also get the feeling he’s a bit insecure about his wife having intimate photos taken with this other male. It’s natural to feel this way about your spouse. People have been trying to put him at ease. He hasn’t specifically said “I am not going to let my wife do this”.

Agree. 'The gown will slide down to expose her breasts' etc 🤔

I agree with you completely.
I actually think the OP ( if this is real) is coming across quite decently. He hasn't talked about vetoing but several other PP have

Most of my reactions have been to those PP banging on about how every decision in a relationship seems to be up for debate and equating this decision with massive life changing moves. I've seen someone use the word " cuck" and various others talking about how they couldn't possibly do anything hubby objected to. I think sane adults in healthy relationships understand that not everything your partner does in life is about you.

This is one of those where I'd love to have seen this presented from his DW point of view.

So no, it's not porn or erotic like some people are saying.

I think different people may have very different ideas of what 'erotic' means.

I'm finding this a bit confusing, though, OP, as you started out expressing real concerns about your wife doing this shoot with another man; but now you seem to be getting angry with posters who apparently share those concerns that you originally started the thread about.

If she wants to do it and you have no concerns at all with what she wants to do, then great, I suppose... the thread is complete?

Eh? Oscar Wilde died when he was 46, and Shakespeare when he was 52 - and both of them had written some extremely highly respected literature years previously to their deaths... and, whilst amongst the most celebrated, they're hardly isolated in their literary skills.

Whether you believe that OP is genuine or not, it's a really bizarre conclusion to reach that, effectively, you believe all men aged 45 or under are thick and borderline illiterate.