AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

I think you have the wrong poster? I haven’t scrolled back but I do not recall saying the op should be paid for it?

This is how so many men work. ‘Why should I do this for my kids when another woman might do it for me? That seems fair, I’ll ask her husband.’

The husband asked your husband would you take their kid to school for them? Misogyny alive and well. No offer of a payment for your troubles just 'well her indoors is driving that way anyway like'. If they were going to ask you they should have come up with a monetary proposal and gone directly to you not the menfolk discussing what the womenfolk can or cannot do. I am so glad you said no.

I was being sarcastic, @99bottlesofkombucha but must have entered the wrong name, sorry!
Just wondered what OP was getting out of the proposed arrangement - nothing, by the sound of it..

😂 Make their life easier while making yours more complicated. CF. Well done for putting your foot down.

I reckon the wife has no idea her husband asked

You can't assume this.

OP, I suggest you steer clear of them and extricate yourself from whatever arrangement you've had in the past. This ask was just so appalling and has taken up so much of your headspace. Let them go if you can. Inevitably, they will come up with a new proposal down the line

He should drop his wife at work early then double back with his daughter- sorted.

If they want to make it easier for themselves then surely you look into paid childcare options - childminder, breakfast/after school club.

Did you mention another neighbour in the thread who has taken the eldest in before they go to you? Wonder if they are next in line to be asked to step in.

“I reckon”

the husband asked the OP’s husband
so a reasonable suggestion that the wife didn’t know

Absolutely this.
This is what CF's do.
They care not a whit for others being put out, it's all about making life easier for themselves.
That is why they often will not accept NO.
It's worth it to them to push harder to get what they want.

Years ago when I had children in primary and was coming across people like this, even a hint of cheeky fxxkery meant I hard swerved them, from then on.
It served me very well.

They may well be back OP.
Be prepared to say no again.
Good luck.

Thanks. They wouldn't ask any more I assume. At first they wanted to continue with usual 50:50 but they had to come back to the house just to pick up my son. Probably he did not like it, he said there is a road work that would trigger a delay then asked to drop off myself, and brought all items they borrow from us.

This would be it as there will be a school holiday from the end of this week.

I guess the " passenger princess" will have to use public transport to get to work. Oh no! ;)

Are you sure her husband had even told her he was going to ask your husband? Quite possibly she was utterly unaware and would have been mortified to discover he’d asked

I'm sure she knows. She was the one who wanted to drop her daughter off at 7:30am, and she's previously dropped her off at 8:00am with no notice on the same day. She's also been the one making most of the requests, so I don't think she's unaware of what's been going on.

To be honest, what upset me more was their reaction after we told them. It made me feel as though they still didn't really understand why it was an unreasonable thing to ask.

These CF's justify their behaviour with non existent reciprocal promises, and 'She's going that way anyway, it's not a big deal'. 'I'd do for them if they asked'. You wouldn't because you're not a CF 'You do it this time and I'll do it next time' But their turn rarely appears and the requests get bigger and more frequent.

What was their reaction?

Was that the bit about you dropping off your son? I was a bit confused!

And then they gave back stuff they’d borrowed? How much had they borrowed and why did they still have it? Super CFs!

So, they can easily take their DD with them to drop wife off at work and then take her to school. But if they stuck to the agreement of taking your DS to school it would involve doubling back to pick him up, so too tight time wise. Their answer to this is to get you to take their DD to school after they drop her off. Is this correct??

How do you know? Given her husband messages your husband?

and the husband just said they understood and would do something else. Men verbally are much more succinct in messaging than women. I really wouldn’t take issue with their response - that just seems to be actively seeking to be offended and pissed off. Move on. It’s done and suted

To be honest, what upset me more was their reaction after we told them.

I didn’t realised she had reacted, what did she say?

She has not said anything, didn’t even ask and does t seem to have even been involved.

It is all between the husbands.

and the husband responded that it’s fine and hey would sort something else

She seems to be involved from what OP wrote:

I'm sure she knows. She was the one who wanted to drop her daughter off at 7:30am, and she's previously dropped her off at 8:00am with no notice on the same day. She's also been the one making most of the requests, so I don't think she's unaware of what's been going on.

To be honest, what upset me more was their reaction after we told them. It made me feel as though they still didn't really understand why it was an unreasonable thing to ask.

What their reaction was after they were told has been left vague.

No it has not been left vague. They said they’ll sort something else.