AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

I personally would agree to it, as long as there’s a reciprocal arrangement like they take your DC on the other 2 days, or help with pick ups? Generally I find as my DC have got older this has become more common and I appreciate the help.

She is a CF. If you agree to it you need to ask for something in return like her picking your son up 3 days a week. Also how long will you have her before you go to school? There’s a big difference between 5 mins and 2 hours!

I think over half the drop offs are a big ask, of they're not reciprocating with something else like the football practice run. But I'd probably agree if they were leaving their children off ready, dressed, fed, at the time I'd be going anyway. I wouldn't want to do this if the kids were arriving when I'm getting ready and feeding my kids .

I would say no to this. I wouldn't want the hassle every morning, having another small child there in the morning rush. They have options (breakfast club, dropping the mum off early and coming back to school, mum driving). An occasional favour is fine, 3 times a week potentially for years is not fine for me.

I think these arrangements work better when they are mutually beneficial. What if on the other 2 days they take your son to school? And/or pick up on some days. I don't think it's fair for them to just expect you to do this and not do anything for you. I've been in several lift share arrangements over the years btw.

Suggest they do pick ups on those days in return
That'll show you whether they are piss takers or not.

No way, it’s too much unless it’s a reciprocal arrangement.

I would say yes providing they do the other 2 days of school runs with your child. I expect that'll make them pull out of the whole arrangement anyway

If you agree you need to agree up front what happens if you/your son is sick on one of those days, how long before you need to leave will she be with you? Will she do the teaming 2 days in return?

Also say there may be times when your son is ill and you're not going to school - or you/toddler are ill and they need to take your son instead - to make clear you may not always be able to do this

i would help out. And have them do the other days. Where’s the village

That's a big commitment to make for the next 6 years.
Do the school have a breakfast club?

I would just say no, they're asking a massive favour and they don't sound like close friends. Absolutely no way I'd want to have an extra dc that often. Maybe say that you'd rather focus on your two so they have a calm start to the day. It isn't your responsibility to sort their childcare.

Add up - They wouldn't really be able to reciprocate with pick-ups as they have three children, and her husband looks after two little kids while she's at work.

YANBU. Can't they use a breakfast club?

It sounds like they are taking the piss if there's a stay at home parent!

They could drop mum a little earlier and then he takes his own dc to school.

I would say that I’d be happy to do the mornings on those days as long as they could do the pick ups. They can’t expect so much from you whilst not being happy to reciprocate.

How much are they paying you for your child minding and drop off duties?

No, I would just say I don't want to make a regular commitment and hope she can sort something else out.

If the husband doesn’t work then couldn’t they all go in the car to drop the mum off and then return or wait until school time? He would need to take the other two with them anyway??

Do not do it!!! Unless you're getting an equal favour in return it's just not worth the hassle.

What if your kid is sick and can't go to school? What if you're running late, will they get shitty with you for making their child late? What if their child throws a wobbly and makes you all late? As the children get more comfortable with you they're more likely to act up too. What if your child falls out with their child and doesn't want them coming in the morning? What if you take on a job that means you can no longer do the school run? What if you're ill or have a bereavement or some other reason you don't want other people's children around. Will you be expevetd to give them breakfast 3 days a week too? I just wouldn't.

I'd say no, mornings are already hectic enough. It also sounds alike they've been pretty presumptuous and made job commitments under the assumption that you'd provide them with free childcare.

So, the Dad could do all the school runs and she could just drive herself to work?

But instead she wants you to do morning childcare and drop offs so she can be a passenger princess?

Definitely this

Who picks up their child currently?, can your DS not be picked up at the same time?