AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

Think of your own child who is going to miss out of special time with you. All your memories are going to be of resentful stress and wishing you had said no. I would cancel all the arrangements in one go and be done with it as I can only imagine the situation getting worse as they get older. If you have a DH blame it on him as your excuse and if you don't then they are already out of order. Good luck x

You would effectively besubsidising their standard of living if yiu agreed. Sound like a couple if users who want everrhing for nothing.And ger on in life at everybody elses expense

Let them pay for a registered childminder

Just say No

Who’s looking after the other two children? Can’t that let st on take them to school?

Even if mum doesn’t want to drive, she can walk. Younger kids in pushchair.

“I’m sorry but that wouldn’t work for our family”.

And then drips that actually it was her husband who was asked, but the other husband. And her husband said “I’ll get back to you”

but we didn’t get this nugget until page 15!

Come on OP, the law of CF threads is that the CF-ee MUST update with how the refusal/confrontation/village war went.

Get on with it, love.

I would suggest to them about a breakfast club? Most schools have them.

Don’t do it. I volunteered for something very similar. The mornings were stressful with an extra kid in the mix. There was very little reciprocation. I ended up falling out with the family I was supposed to be helping. It would be far less awkward to decline now and bite it in the bud.

I would just say ‘I’m sorry but I can’t make that work with my family’s needs. It’s too much. Would you like help to find a childminder who does school runs?’

personally I would expect the dad to be doing the school runs with all the kids. In my daughter’s reception class there are parents who do the school runs with the 4/5 year old and A) a 3 year old and 1 year old twins. B) a 2 year old and 1 year old. C) a 3 year old and under 1. That’s just in my daughter’s class.

I used to pay £5 a day when I drop my son off to another mum in the playground 15 minutes before school started, but that was 25 years ago.

I think its cheeky and presumptuous.

They must have other options pre-school clubs, family support etc. Don't feel obliged.

I'd be inclined to say that you are happy to help out on occasions, but you would not feel comfortable with them relying on you being a regular support.

You don't have to give reasons or excuses but its better to be clear from the start as its harder to get out of something once started.

Sorry, I'm new to Mumsnet and had to Google how to reply 😅 My husband has been away and they weren't in when he called round, so he'll message them when he's back. I'll update once I know what happens.

I would get him to message them asap before they try the, ‘oh, you haven’t given us enough time to sort something else’ bollocks. Why can’t he just message them now, surely it doesn’t matter if he or they are out of the house!

Doesn’t your school have breakfast club?

i don’t think i want another kid in my house at 7:30am

mornings are chaotic in most homes.

It’s basically free wrap around / child minder care

i would never ask this of anyone. I only ask for help in an emergency but you have to plan your life around school pick up and drop off. The end

This. But if you haven’t replied either way to the request, surely they can’t assume you will be doing it?

Yes, I would do it and in fact I did do it every day for a neighbour for a couple of years. Then, after the school year ended, I asked for a small favour from them when I was in a tight spot, and they said no. I don't regret helping them out but it did disabuse me of the idea that assistance is understood as a reciprocal arrangement.

I think not feeling comfortable doing this type of arrangements is a good enough reason to say no.

You might perhaps respond that it's a huge commitment so you could occasionally help but cannot guarantee commitment.

She shouldn't ask in the first place, you're not a friend or relative. I don't see reasons to feel guilty for that, it'd definitely would be too much an intrusion in your routine. And you're not supposed to solve her problems.

What’s your DH going to say? In all honesty if they have to get a childminder they may realise its going to cost them, so change their own routine rather than trying to get you to change yours

When I was in primary school I went to a neighbours house for about half an hour before school and then was walked to school by their Mum. I'm sure this was the case for years, but that it started when I was around 8. We were close family friends and did a lot of stuff together socially. I don't recall my mum reciprocating with the childcare help though, I'll have to ask her about this!

Now I've got kids of my own, I think this is am insanely big ask! Maybe it's cos I find it absolute chaos just trying to get my own ready and out of the door on time.

You are definitely entitled to say sorry but no, it's too much of a commitment and too much to manage with your 2yo. You should not inconvenience yourself just because the other Mum won't drive herself to work.

It's a text, it has no sound.

I made the mistake of doing this before and it was a nightmare. The child was dropped off at 7am (most of the time before this), when I needed to get my youngest up. My 2 kids were older than my friends child and they HATED having someone else in the house during this time. I did have to say I cant do it anymore, also didnt help that the dog (little pomeranian) really disliked my friends child 🤦‍♀️ so I had to try and get everyone ready for school whilst keeping the dog and child separate ect.

I would also be wary in your situation as they have 2 younger children they may hope to be able to leave them to you also in the future.

My youngest finishes primary school next week and I cannot wait to not have to do school run 🤣

Am I the only one who's shocked that her DH is working out with the OP's DH how her time will be used? Oi mate get your missus to take our kids each day!

WTAF

I think it’s absolutely fair enough for you to say no as it will make your mornings harder. My knee jerk reaction was that she is cheeky for asking, because I wouldn’t dream of it. But then I remembered when I was a kid, our neighbour over the road took me to and from school and looked after me for an hour every day for years. It used to be much more commonplace for neighbours to ask these favours of each other, so maybe she’s not that cheeky for asking. But it’s totally fine to say no, they will just have to sort a breakfast club or childminder for her like most parents do

i think you will get an idea of the dynamic if you agree to this and propose this as a quid pro quo. My guess is they will refuse