AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

I don't understand why the dad can't be doing drop offs and pick ups because he has two other children. How do you think other people with three children cope?? We figure it out. I help friends out all the time and love doing so but I would not commit to this. Things can be hectic in the morning and giving my children the best start to the day doesn't involve another child being there three days a week. It would totally change the dynamic of your mornings and your children may not always be comfortable with it, plus they get ill etc. Saying you need to keep mornings calm at home as they're already tricky with a reception age child and a 2 year old so you can't make such a significant commitment and you hope they find a solution that works for them. This is not your problem!

😂💕

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How about rather than their child comes to your house, the Dad has her ready at their front door and your child knocks when you’re leaving, with the expectation the child will be ready to walk out of the door when the knock comes. If the child is not ready on a regular basis, you say it’s not working and leave it at that.
to ly mind, that is a lot easier than having to deal with her arriving at your house if you find that disrupts your routine. It’s not a big deal having another child with you when you’re on your way to school and that should be perfectly possible since they are just next door.

I would say its quite a lot. Odd days here and there are fine. Everyone juggling work and kids needs help. On the other side if it is literally a case of leaving for school straight away it might be nice for your child to go to school with a classmate. On the other hand you might need to pass messages on to school etc...which would be a pain. Also if you agree then it will be a long term commitment. On balance Id say no.

Good outcome.

"It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school"

No it isn't. She's ASKED for a favour. You have the right to say yes, or no. Say yes if you'd like to do that favour, or say no if you don't want to. It's simple. She hasn't just dropped them off with you and then expected you to take them. She's asked. That's not cheeky or "transferring responsibility", it's asking a question. You obviously don't want to do it so just say no.

Wow, they are very cheeky!

Keep up. The whole thing has been resolved.

It's not the right thing to ask. It's not a reasonable ask. The ask itself is an impositiin that causes stress. Not okay.

Car seats? Probably wouldn’t be able to fit an extra one in!!

Good result.

Why does having another child prevent him from dropping or collecting kids from school?

Good result.
Be wary.
That was a huge ask that can change the dynamics in your house in the morning.

I did it for two weeks for a good friend who was in hospital years ago and my children didn't like it.
They are not very sociable in the morning and found someone being in the house intrusive.

Best to not get involved.
Be wary of being their back up care, that can become an all too regular occurrence.

I had this arrangement with a friend for school pick ups. I paid her childcare rates for it. As it was only half an hour every day, I only paid for that unless I got stuck.

I would suggest that a token amount to cover petrol or maybe even breakfast or snacks would be appreciated. "I'd be happy to help. Is £5 a session okay with you? Just to cover petrol and food? Brilliant!" (Obviously you can make it more... It's been a while!) If they can't afford £15-30 a week, they'll struggle to find an alternative if you do say no ...

I would want this to be a childcare swap given how much time and effort you would be investing.

So, one option would be to ask them to take your child/children the other two days?

The other option would be to ask them to have the kids for a week in the summer whilst you work. They’d need to take holiday for this but that would probably be easier than them paying a childminder for the drop offs.

But, if you don’t want this it is totally fine to say no. Maybe with a nice excuse like your own work is changing hours so you can’t commit…

If you want to do it great BUT what happens if you child is ill and they are staying home that day ? Would you still be expected to drop off. This is where future problems will occur, escpecially if they have no back. What if their daughter is ill would you be expected to look after her. I would be inclined to help but sort out all the what ifs first!

What if your child is unwell, and is not going into school, for who knows, how long. I would say no to this. It can easy escalate and you end up giving this child dinner ever night because your neighbour has had to work late etc. She should not put her problem onto you

I would help out assuming there the child would sit and wait patiently while you were getting ready etc. In this day and age we need to be more neighbourly and strengthen community.

My thoughts exactly! I can imagine the neighbour getting all stressed and butt hurt if the OP ever has to back out of it, they need to have a back up plan!

Glad you got it sorted OP.

Agreed- this is veering into 'don't ask don't get' CFery. 'They can always say no' puts the onus on the other party who will often be that person who always does the favours, goes out of their way. for the CFs

You understand. Thank you.

No. No excuses. Excuse suggests that she has an obligation.

Presumably he doesn’t have space in the car for all those car seats.