AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

How long before you leave would they be dropping off? 3 days is quite a lot. But I think I’d do it and say yes shall we split the week… Would it be nice if you didn’t have to do it 2 days a week?

They have three kids, so there isn't really anything reciprocal. I think what bothers me is that the whole problem would basically be solved if the mum drove herself to work, but she doesn't want to drive.

long term these things rarely continue if there is not an element of reciprocity. Swapping favours is fab but I'd be wary of someone asking so much and not even trying to offer anything in return.

So hang on. She wants you to do her childcare as she expects her husband to drive her to work then drive home again???

Yep thats cheeky. She could get the bus etc and husband can do drop off.

I couldn’t commit to this. I’ve only got one but I quite like our little mornings but often they are quite rushed, and I wouldn’t want another kid in the mix and neither would my son. If they offered something in return it might be something but sounds like you’d be repair their child 3 times a week.
Ooo I hate it when someone else makes their problem, your problem!

She they could take your dd to school the other two days?

Does she mean dropping the child off at 8.30 & you leave for school at 8.30
Or drop the child off at 7.30 and you look after them for an hour (or whatever) before you leave for school

Two very different scenarios

But id refuse on yhe grounds that im not a childminder & dont have or want to get the necessary insurance or registration, my mornings with young children are busy enough as it is and I dont need the money.

Because for that sort of arrangement you should be paid, and if there is no mo ey on the table they are CFs

Then what about school holidays.... Will she be asking you to have her child all day?

So what if she doesnt like the answer & lives next door, just get on with your life without the inconvenience of being her unpaid, on tap babysitter.

I would say no.
I did have to say no many years ago to someone in the reception era who was looking to make her working day easier by using me.
I said I couldn't commit for the next 6 years. I couldn't have handled the extra chaos in the morning

Currently her dad does the drop-offs and I do the pick-ups. But now he needs to drive her mum to work, they've asked me to do the drop-offs as well three days a week. On the other two days, they do the usual drop-offs and I still do the pick-ups. He can't do the pick-ups on those three days either as he has their other two children with him, whereas I only have one younger child.

I would say no for two reasons: if your son is off sick, you’ll still feel obligated to take her child to school, and what happens when the others start school? This arrangement may be expected to go on for years.

It will feel awkward for a few weeks but they’ll get over it. They should have thought about their own childcare responsibilities before now.

So he can do them, as others manage with multiple children. Again, they are making their problem, your problem.
So you’d be doing all pick ups and 3 drop offs?

leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son

How early are they thinking?

I’d say “fuck that” regardless. Time for the Mumsnet classic line: “that doesn’t work for me”.

There must be something reciprocal, their ds must get home somehow? Just have some kind of rota. So they take yours on her days off or something.

’To be honest, that’s too much for me to commit to with a two year old. I don’t mind the odd reciprocal school run drop off, but not doing it more than half the week. Have you tried school breakfast club/childminder etc ’

I got into this bullshit with a school mum and I ended up feeling apologetic when I couldn’t take her (ungrateful child who didn’t want to carry his own bag and who got out all the toys I’d just tidied up when she dropped him at mine at 8am when I had a newborn and a toddler) son when mine was off school ill! I put a stop to it then and wished I’d never started as once you’ve agreed, you’re ’letting people down’ by backing out. Better to not agree in the first place.

He can't do the pick-ups on those three days either as he has their other two children with him, whereas I only have one younger child.

Well, they decided to have 3 children without your involvement. It is not on you to fix the consequences of that decision.

Do you all have to drive to school OP, is that why the Dad can't do pickups, he doesn't have room in the car for a 4th child?

So what happens when the younger children go to school? Would you be expected to take them as well?

Honestly my biggest regret was getting involved in lift sharing. I ended up doing the majority and was really resentful. It sounds like you will be doing all the favours and getting nothing in return. I would say that after some reflection you’ve decided you don’t want to do any runs for other people. Just say you have too much on your plate with your own kids.

No way would I want to do this it sounds like a right pain. I don't want to see ANYONE in the morning let alone the neighbours kids. For me it would be a straightforward 'no' as in 'oh sorry I'd love to help but I won't be able to do that'.

Is it a car space thing or a willingness thing? He's collecting 3 kids, what's one more??

I don't see why having two dc means he can't do the pick ups?

I would still say no though. It's just too uneven.

Stop doing the pick ups and don’t agree to drop offs. He’s a stay at home dad so he should be doing them all for his daughter!

But you have one small child to take alongside the school age child, don't you? Really think if the mum can drive - and I assume the school isn't that far as primary - then she needs to drive and drop kids (hers and yours) twice a week and you do two or three. Has to be equal as you have stuff to do as well!

Or is it that dad wants the one car during the day?

How old are the other children? If you’re not careful you’ll be wrangling 2 of theirs & both of yours in a year or two.

Don’t do it! As someone who has somehow managed to get into the trap of taking a school mum to work twice a week it’s a pain! It’s annoying if you have a day off or feeling a bit down and just want a relaxed day with your child! I’d be honest but blunt.

‘ I’m really sorry but I can’t commit to three days a week, the school has a great breakfast club that I’ve been looking at it’s only £7 a day’

nobody will ask you why you can’t commit as we are all too British about things.