To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

But he wanted to watch it at home which is is entitled to do as the argument had nothing to do with him. He also did not want to affect his friendship with the husband over a bitchy text from the husband's wife.

Actually, it would not have affected contact with my grandchild as we see him via my stepson, so my reaction had nothing to do with that.

It was my husband who was enraged on my behalf and who wanted to punish her which we could easily have done in many ways as she was renting a property from us at the time. But I just wanted to forgive and forget because her mental health had been badly affected by her mother's abuse when she was a child and she was very argumentative with everyone.

I think they're all cunts, but your husband most of all.
The sheer hypocrisy and double standards are breathtaking. He 'won’t allow anything to disrupt or distract from the evening or ‘build up’, he and his idiot friend did sarcastic cheers and football chants at you, and YOU'RE the one being dramatic?

But the OP's husband did not invite the ex-friend, she invited herself and surely you would not expect the OP's husband to not let her in the house.

This is all the ex-friend's fault. It is not the OP's husbands fault at all.

WTF!!!! Your ‘friend’ is a bully.

Don’t be daft! It’s a word. You need to read more. Your comment says more about you than it does me.

who even watches eastenders any more?

He colluded with the whole thing and encouraged his friend to come over. He certainly did not actively oppose the woman visiting in any way. He was a passive coward and made sexist comments about women’s ‘drama’.

He could have said “sorry, bitches-behind-my-wife’s-back, DinnerText was really upset and doesn’t want you round. If your DH doesn’t want to come without you, we could have the take away at yours. Or I could meet you both/just your DH at the pub. I personally don’t think you were out of order, but she’s really upset and I respect that.”

edited to say: he said he was keeping out of it but clearly picked a side, and it wasn’t his wife’s despite most of us here agreeing it was the friend in the wrong and not his wife!

Sorry but I still think your personal situation is just really different and irrelevant here, especially
in the context that we are now discussing her DH behaviour. Whether she’s justified in her feelings are not even important to the context of him disrespecting her boundaries.

I don’t think we’ll get anywhere further with this discussion if you just point blank don’t agree that it’s not okay for someone to invite over a guest who makes their partner so uncomfortable that they need to physically leave their own home so I guess we will have to agree to disagree and leave it here.

So can anyone just rock up and invite themselves into your home? That’s an interesting set up you have if that’s the case.

And maybe the OP’s husband could grow a pair? Because I absolutely would have expected him to not let her in the house.

Oh for goodness sake.

The ex- friend is not just anyone off the street is it? It is someone that they used to be friends with.

So you really expect a decent man to not let the wife of his friend into his house? You , really expect him to shut the door on her??

I think you've been watching too much EastEnders! Decent people do not behave like that and cause a scene.

Yes, I do. Because if my wife asked that I do not have someone who caused her upset to enter our home I would respect my wife’s wishes. But then I’m an adult and do not behave like a teenager desperate for my friend’s approval.

Nobody who had upset my wife to the extent she was prepared to stay away from her own home instead of seeing them would ever be welcome.

So you really think that causing a scene and stopping the wife of your friend from coming in to your house is an adult way to behave ?? I'd hate to know what you think it childish in that case!

You sound like a 13 year old school girl.

You seem very focused on what other people think of you. “Causing a scene”? Really? So telling someone who is not invited to my house that they are indeed not welcome to enter my house would be causing a scene? I really hope you are never called on to defend someone you love in a difficult situation because if something this basic would send you into such a spin then I hate to think how you’d handle a real challenge.

He knew the woman was coming. She didn’t just show up. He had ample time to handle it in the days prior. He ordered takeaway from her.

Yes, he knew she was coming but what was he expected to do? Be rude and tell her that she wasn't welcome? No decent man would do that and the OP's husband sounds decent.

Not the op he doesn’t…. Maybe he is to Bitch-face!

There is a certain kind of pathetic man who prioritises everyone apart from his wife. Everyone loves him but his wife is the bottom of the pile. Not a decent man at all.

I think for this poster, ‘decent man’ equals being a doormat to everyone apart from his DW.

So he can’t be rude to a friend but he can be rude to his wife? You have a very strange view of the world.

Absolutely this. It goes hand in hand with “life and soul of the party” types who are miserable sods at home. They give the world their best and their family their worst. The OP’s husband literally values the cost of a couple of pints over his wife’s feelings. I’d be so embarrassed in her shoes.

So a rude man is a decent man is he? Not in my books.

I know exactly the type of man you are talking about as my ex was like that. The OP has never said that her husband is nicer to other people than he is to her.

If he was like that, it would be the first thing that she would have said. She would have said that it was typical behaviour but she didn't because it wasn't.

The OP would have said if this was typical behaviour, but she didn't.

He literally demonstrated that he is nicer to other people. I prefer to focus on a person’s actions rather than their words.

It can take a person a long time to realise they are in a shitty relationship.

It clearly is typical behaviour because she hasn’t called it out. If my wife behaved like the OP’s husband I would literally ask her if she was having a breakdown or something, because it would be so out of character.

Im not sure who is the bigger wind up here, the OP or @musttryharderandharder but people will fall for it all the same