To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

It was demeaning and humiliating.

You’ve lost the argument with this “most women” comment.

He’s had them over once, despite it being absolutely clear that he should have backed his wife and removed her invitation.

once is enough. Let them host her H.

my h would back me all the way and has done. My family are the awful ones in my life and when the last straw came, he supported my decision not to have them in my home again.

op’s H needs to get off the fence and back his wife. His mates wife needs consequences

People have right to feel emotionally safe in their own home. Her husband allowed a person to come over against his wife’s wishes, someone who had embarrassed and hurt her, then refused to acknowledge the hurt.

He then made a fool of her when she tried to enter.

Now he’s doubled down and is essentially saying it doesn’t matter how she feels he will have her over again. He truly does not care about her feelings.

They aren’t asking for forgiveness. They are telling OP she doesn’t matter, even in her own home.

Whatever personal experience you have with your parents is not relevant here. It might also look very different to you under the light of a good therapist.

Just listen to yourself. Needs consequences???

I think that you have been watching too much Eastenders.

No I haven't.

Most of the people on MN are women and most of them are not supporting me.

I am in the minority. I have only had one or two people agreeing with my posts.

So yes, most women on here (and in real life in my experience of 60 years) will not just forgive and forget.

The husband is absolutely repulsive nothing less

They aren’t supporting you because you don’t understand the concept of forgiveness.

Just forgive and forget leads to you being treated like a doormat. People with high self worth don't stand for that. I think you are confusing forgiveness with tolerating any kind of meanness.

None of them have asked for forgiveness or acknowledged any wrongdoing anyway.

I know the thread has moved on a bit but I haven’t been on MN so replying now.

You may be right but I think there’s been a lot of projection about what the woman meant, with no clarification from the OP.

All the OP said about what the woman said was:

”She says she thinks some of the ingredients I used were from places they wouldn’t usually shop and so didn’t agree with her”.

And then “we may not shop at Waitrose like she does…”

It’s possible the woman may have meant that the OP had used “exotic” (in the woman’s eyes) ingredients from “exotic” shops.

If the woman was being a snob then the OP should have her up on how could ingredients in a pasta dish from a non-Waitrose supermarket cause illness. Why didn’t you make that point @Dinnertext ?

should have pulled* her up

Of course you don't forgive and forget absolutely everything.

But a nasty email from a bitchy person is something that you can easily forgive and forget.

I do not have any friends who I like that but my stepsons ex partner had a very abusive childhood and so had various mental health problems as an adult.

She once sent me an abusive text and I just totally ignored it because everything she said was untrue.

I really didn't care what she thought about me because her opinion did not matter at all.

I still have to see her because she is the mother of my grandchild and I just treat her as if she hadn't sent the text.

I bet most people on here would expect an apology, etc.

What is the point in holding a grudge. Life is too short.

Just forgive and forget.

I'm also lucky that I have a very bad memory and so I can't remember what she said anyway. All I remember is that she was very nasty.
.

That’s a very different situation. There are children involved. You aren’t friends, and wouldn’t see this person again if there weren’t family ties.

This is an at-will friendship. You don’t have to keep unpleasant people around and pretend like you like them when it’s just for friendship. And the unpleasant ones run off the good people.

It isn't different at all because the op's husband is friends with the ex-friend's husband.

If he wasn't then she would never have to see the ex-friend ever again and there wouldn't be an issue.

Okay, it might not be family but why should the Op's husband have to forgo his friendship because of a nasty text?

He doesn't have to forgo his friendship. He just sees the husband elsewhere.

What does DSHL mean?

He doesn’t need to forgo his friendship but he’s forcing the wife on OP. Why should she have to entertain anyone in her own home when she doesn’t wish to do so?

You aren’t getting that this isn’t about a text message. It’s about turning up at someone’s home when they don’t want you there, then mocking them.

But it's his house as well as hers. Why on earth should he put himself out because of a nasty text that has absolutely nothing to do with him??

Because he isn’t a child. He made a commitment to his wife and that should include respecting her.

This is not respect.

She doesn't have to entertain her.

She can stay upstairs or go out or do whatever, but why should the husband go out when it has absolutely nothing to do with him?

He has been caught in the middle of two women who have fallen out with each other.

Also I don't think he invited the ex-friend it looks like she invited herself and he didn't want to be rude by turning her away.

This is all the ex-friend's fau,t she's a totally unpleasant person but the op should not let her cause problems in her own marriage.

You ask why the husband should put himself out. Why do you think it's a big imposition to socialise out of his own house?

Even if it was, the OP has been put out by this.Why should the wife have to host a woman who has made disparaging comments?

Why should she leave her own house?! That’s insane!

He can go watch tv in any pub with his friend. He shouldn’t put tv over the comfort of his wife.
It’s not solely his home. He decided to share it. You don’t do things that actively make your family members feel uncomfortable and that includes not welcoming asshats who’ve been terribly rude and shown ill regard for other family members.

Is there even a line for you?

Didn’t want to be rude. 🤣🤣🤣

He doesn’t mind being terribly rude. Over a tv.

Because he's a football fan just like I am and I want to watch the match where I want to watch it. Why shouldn't he be allowed to do that?

The OP does not have to host the ex-friend and she didn't. No one is forcing the OP host the ex-friend.

If the op was in a truly abusive relationship then her husband would make her host and beat her up if she didn't.

By calling him abusive is really minimising true domestic abuse.