To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

You're definitely on the wrong thread !😒

Jeering at her and making her feel uncomfortable in her own home is acting like an adult?

He’s being abusive. OP clearly cannot decide who does and doesn’t come into her own home because he overrides her wishes and sneers and mocks at her.

I’m sorry to hear about your update, the chanting especially. I cannot believe the friend would have done to your house as a guest when you aren’t there. How cheeky.

i would step back from this friendship for good. The way she has behaved would mean I would not want to be friends anymore.

as for your DH I’m not sure I could tolerate him either.he should be on your side. Where is it he thinks you’re supposed to go to next time when he hosts them?

And now the husband is here too 😂
HTH

Imagine being bullied out of your own home for the price of a takeaway and being told it will happen again because a greedy guts lazy arse prioritises his own comfort over loyalty to his wife.

If this is real, OP has bigger problems than a bitchy friend and a pig of a husband.

You can't blindly support your spouse if they are wrong.

The OP should just forgive and forget. She's an adult and as her husband said they aren't at school anymore.

OP - can you change the locks ahead of the final, if needs be?

Do you invite people to your home that you don’t enjoy being around?

Most people on the thread think he's an arsehole with pathetic behaviour.

OP - it sounds like you didn’t have a sensible conversation with DH today, but it’s worth a go tomorrow. You’ve given him such latitude and he’s abusing it. Lay out the facts - you’ve been insulted, you’ve been essentially pushed out of your home, you’ve been mocked, you’ve had a sham apology, and you’ve been told the same nonsense will likely continue next week. that must stop. If DH wants to prioritise a takeaway and his own comfort that is telling you everything you need to know.

So can you, hand on heart, honestly say that if you found out one of your friends was mocking you behind your back and when you found out, rather than apologise they belittle you further, you would be ok with that? Really?

If so then your standard for friendship is a lot lower than mine. The message itself I could forgive with a prompt and suitably sincere apology. But the further mocking, dismissal and invalidation and riding roughshod all over my boundaries and wishes would be a deal breaker.

if I thought my DH had blown something out of proportion, but he had said he didn’t want our friends in our house as we had planned, I would let him calm down and “come to his senses”. What is gained by steamrollering over your spouse’s feelings just because you think you’re right?

What is gained by steamrollering over your spouse’s feelings just because you think you’re right?
And then jeering loudly at her, football chant style, and telling her to go and have a gossip with someone they know has been sneering at her behind her back? What indeed?
I really, really want to believe the OP is trolling us all, because it's so horrible to hear her description of being bullied by three other people, including her own spouse. Reading about her being jeered at by her husband and his mates then hugged by the bully waiting for OP in her own kitchen was quite upsetting.

The only people who would think the OP is wrong in her feelings and the husband right would be someone who acts just as bullying and abusive as he is being and thinks its normal.

@MustTryHarderAndHarder You seem to be in the minority in agreeing that OP should “forgive and forget,” but even if she was being petty it’s absolutely not okay for her husband to override her wishes and invite people into her home when it makes her feel uncomfortable! Would you do this to someone you care about?! That is bizarre and emotionally abusive behaviour.

You don't think insulting chanting is abusive? You need to raise your standards. I wouldn't put up with it.

I agree.

The only small consolation for Op is that as England are unlikely to make it to the final, Op should be spared being forced to share her home for another evening with her shameless friend and the two drunk, fuckwit husbands.

I would definitely keep my former friend and her patronising spouse at arm's length. I would also be doing the same to my husband for a while. I would be polite but distant with him while I try to work out how I feel about such disloyalty from my tight as a duck's arse, dismissive husband. He may not have agreed with your stance, but it would be hard coming back from knowing that he absolutely does not have your back and puts football and his mate before you.

Yes, because most women will not just forgive and forget.

Most women hold grudges for ever.

It doesn't mean that they are right, they are just in the majority because most women are like that.

Some men are like that too. Fortunately, the OP's husband is not.

I thought the chants were funny.

I think that a lot of women who have been through domestic abuse would not consider singing a few funny chants abusive.

It also minimises domestic abuse.

So the OP should go to the police and report her husband for domestic abuse because he invited his friends round to watch a football match and then sang a few funny chants when the OP came home????

This has actually made me hope England doesn’t make it, firstly it would annoy your dickhead of a husband and secondly you won’t have to deal with it.

It is his home too and he can invite his friends if he wants to.

Her ex-friend made a bitchy comment and does not seem very nice but that does not mean that her husband cannot invite the husband. From what I can see, the wife invited herself and the OP's husband did not want to be rude by not letting her come.

Yes, the ex-friend was very rude but 2 wrongs don't make a right and the only person that the ex-friend has embarrassed is herself. She has proved that she is a bitchy, nasty person.

The OP has behaved amazingly and has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

This is when you wait for his hangover to lift and then sit him down and tell him that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES is this couple crossing your threshold again. That you have been unbelievably badly treated by her and by your H, you communicated your hurt to them both and BOTH of them totally dismissed and overrode your concerns

you spoke to her to give her an opportunity to apologise and she didn’t. He and her H also took the piss.

therefore, the final THEY can host, as it won’t be at your house ever again.

No wonder so many couples get divorced when people cannot just forgive and forget.

My mum was miserable her whole life because she held grudges for ever. My dad didn't and that is such a good trait to have.

I have made sure that I am like him and not her.

OMG.

What is wrong with you?

No-one should issue an ultimatum to their husband about a bitchy friend sending a nasty text.

This is becoming farcical now.

Her husband can invite his friend if he wants to.