To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

So you put your tv watching above people you claim to love?

Tell me you are a man without telling me you are a man.

Well if she shouldn't leave her own house then why should her husband?

No one forced her to leave her house that was her decision.

She could have stayed upstairs if she wanted to.

This is the problem when you jointly own house.

He explained why he didn't want to watch it in a pub and as a football fan I understand his reasons.

If the op was in a truly abusive relationship then her husband would make her host and beat her up if she didn't.

If you go through my previous posts on this thread, I didn't actually call him abusive. I do however find your narrow, stereotypical depictions of abuse disturbing so I won't be responding further to your posts.

I'm not a man. I'm a 60-year-old woman.

Anyone on the premier League thread that I contribute to regularly will vouch for that.

@KatherineParr Wise choice. I’ll follow suit.

That is completely different - not just family instead of a friend but there's also a child involved!

Honestly, you don't seem very able to put yourself in OP's shoes in her exact circumstances. Instead you keep giving examples and responding as if OP is facing a very different scenario.

Would you honestly smile and "forgive and forget" if a friend gossiped behind your back, refused to apologise, and barged into your home knowing you didn't want to see her? If yes then I can only presume you're either desperately lonely for friends or an extreme people pleaser. Neither leads to happiness.

But you are missing the most important point in that the op's husband who jointly owns their house invited the ex-friend's husband to watch a football match.

You seem to have completely ignored this in your simplistic summary.

You forgave and forgot your step-son's ex-partner because you didn't want to lose contact with your step-grandchild. There was something in it for you.

OP no longer wants any sort of relationship with her bitchy ex-friend who has shown her true colours so she is perfectly reasonable to end the friendship and to refuse to entertain her in her own home.

The husband could have invited a hundred people to watch the football match, it was still the ex-friend's decision to actually show up even though she knew OP didn't want her there. Clearly, she's a rubbish friend and so why on earth should OP forgive and forget? So bizarre to think she should. Life is too short to be stuck with shitty friends.

No, I see my grandchild via my stepson. Me forgiving and forgetting what the mother of my grandchild said was of no benefit to me except it meant that I did not become bitter and twisted.

Of course the OP should not have to be friends with her ex friend if she doesn't want to but what happened has nothing to do with her husband and her husband should not lose a friend because of it and he should be able to watch football in his own house with his friend if he wants to.

I thought the chants were funny.
What's funny or witty about "She eats where she wants"? It's just jeering. Fair enough at a football game, but just plain nasty to chant at the woman they're all bullying in her own home.

OP no longer wants any sort of relationship with her bitchy ex-friend who has shown her true colours so she is perfectly reasonable to end the friendship and to refuse to entertain her in her own home.

@thepariscrimefiles After the woman apologised and the OP hugged her and given the OP hasn’t said anything concrete about stopping her DH from inviting the woman over to watch the final, it seems the OP may have reconsidered having any sort of relationship with the woman.

I’m sorry but you are confusing domestic violence with domestic abuse. Domestic violence is where someone is physically harmed or beaten up as you mention. Domestic abuse is wider and covers emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse etc as well as physical abuse.

You are minimising other forms of domestic abuse if you say it is purely physical abuse that counts.

But to most men and to a lot of women, the whole situation is funny.

Whether it is true or not, women in general have a reputation of being bitchy so I am sure that the men found what had happened hilarious.

Of course, the OP was hurt and embarrassed, but she has nothing to be embarrassed about. The only person who should be embarrassed is the bitchy friend.

The OP has become involved in an unfortunate series of events and is totally blameless, but I do not believe that her husband is a bad person and is certainly not abusive or a bully based on the OP's posts.

@ABoldStatement After the woman apologised and the OP hugged her

If you go back and check you'll see that it was Nasty "Friend" that was doing the hugging. OP was quite passive.

No I am not saying that at all.

I am saying that the OP's husband inviting his friend round to watch football and then signing a couple of funny chants is not any sort of abuse.

I did not become bitter and twisted

You’ve described “most women” in some rather nasty terms here today so I’d check again.

The husband is an absolute twat.

I’d tell him I shagged one of his other friends then invite him over to watch football with everyone else.

This with bells on. I'd text the ex friends and explicitly tell them they are not welcome in your home! Doesn't matter what H says, he's horrible.

I cannot believe the sheer chutzpah of this woman actually still coming to your house after you TOLD her she wasn't welcome. I'd be even more pissed off with your pathetic DH wanting to save money to your detriment and making it so you had to leave the house!

I saw that it was the woman who initiated the hug, but it takes two to be in a hug.

Yes the OP is passive though. She inexplicably is allowing her husband to completely disrespect and mock her in her home, and not criticising him on here about it.

I meant bitter and twisted about the mother of my grandchild.

I don't know where I have been nasty except that I generalised about most women not being prepared to forgive and forget which was backed up by the responses on this thread which is mainly a site for women, but how that is being nasty I really don't know, but if you think it is then we will have to agree to disagree.

I’m assuming you are reading an entirely different thread!

The OP has acted with incredible dignity and is to be admired.