To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

So where do you feel that leaves you @Dinnertext?

At the end of your last thread you also mentioned hosting them in the future (without dinner) which suggests that despite the fact she was incredibly rude, ultimately, you would be reluctant to break up your friendship?

The problem is though @Dinnertext allowing her behaviour without consequence, completely, sets the tone for your friendship now, with zero benefit to you really.

She's shown you who she is but it's totally up to you who you let into your life.

I'd tell him he can choose. Pay for a taxi to go to a pub or their house, or he pays for you to have a nice night out at a spa because you won't be here if they are.

It's his home too, he is allowed to host friends

I'd just go along with it, just because I really can't be bothered with drama.

If your husband allows a situation where the three of them are sitting chatting eating food they brought with them in your home, acting like nothing happened , and you are forced out of your own home…… I would find that very hard to get over ….

I’d have her round.

Ply her with drinks but make sure she only has a certain (odd) glass, randomly stir her drinks while she’s drinking them and periodically ask how she’s feeling.

I’m not saying pretend you’re trying to poison her just to freak her out; I’m suggesting a good host provides a special glass, a nicely stirred drink and enquires about their guests health.

I'd suggest that some time alone would do her good and she should spend it reflecting on what a nasty woman she is.

Oh and stop calling her “your friend” - she’s certainly not that!

If this snide and entitled whiny ex friend had the gall to turn up I'd very happily tell her she's not welcome in your home. I'd also play music loudly enough that your pathetic husband and his pathetic mate wouldn't be able enjoy their fucking football match. I'd recommend bagpipe music or heavy metal or even St Winifred's School Choir performing There's no-one quite like Grandma. It's your home too so make your presence felt.

I was hoping for an apology and then I think I’d have been able to move forward, assuming it was sincere.

No apology = no friendship as far as I’m concerned, dramatic maybe, but it’s how I feel currently.

I think I would stand in front of the tv and glare at them until they remove themselves to the friends house.

except no one is forcing the OP out of anywhere.

She can choose not to be around, but that would be her own choice. She is allowed to be offended by a comment about her food, but her husband is allowed to think there's nothing offensive here.

I hope the same applies to your DH! His behaviour is awful.

Um, what about organising something with your friends? Something really quite loud, which will take over the whole of the kitchen and the lounge, involving lots of clattering, catering, and music? Tell your husband upfront that it's happening, and tell the CF cow, that it's happening, and she will NOT be welcome, and that will be made very clear to her if she is stupid enough to turn up. Switch the numbers around, so they're the ones outnumbered.

She is an incredibly thick skinned person isn’t she! So entitled! I think you’ve seen her true colours. Your husband should be ashamed. Even if he doesn’t agree he should still have your back. It would cause me huge problems with my husband. Very disappointing.

Invite her but bring up your surprise at her rudeness and lack of apology just as the football starts. Do the mumsnet head tilt and mock concern, ‘I’m worried about you…’

I would go absolutely nuclear about this. Your husband is spineless and disrespectful.

Your ex friend has more neck than a giraffe. Don't be bullied out of your own home!

Totally agree.

I'm team husband tbh. I can't see the drama. She said your food made her ill, yeah she probably should have told you to your face straight away but she didn't.

I'm very much a move in and get over it type of person though. I can see why so many people have so many grudges in life reading this thread.

What is don't understand is that she'll happily eat takeaway, but wont eat pasta from what she thinks is a substandard supermarket. Which one was it?! None are really that bad, we all have preferences, but they don't entitle us to be rude, or look down on others. Has she rigorously checked the takeaway place and where their ingredients come from, I bet she hasn't!

He goes to theirs. There is no other option. How dare he make this about the ‘silly women’ and their ‘drama’. He should have your back on this.

Apologies, duplicate post

Agree with everyone really. The thing with your ex friend is so disappointing but ultimately you could forget that, and forget the friendship.

But your husband not caring, not supporting you, not having your back? That’s such a betrayal ☹️. He is the only person you would expect to step up, and he didn’t.

What’s your situation - house in both names? I don’t think you mentioned children.

I would go to your Mums. Then I would come crashing in at 11 making lots of noise banging pots and pans in the kitchen , walks across the TV lots of times chattering away about how rude some people are and you wonder what else they have bitched about to friends wt. and making it really difficult for them to watch the match